Jessica Simpson Singing at Bingo Halls

Way to go Creepy Papa Joe! This is grade A managing. Jessica Simpson is now forced to play at bingo halls. Ouch.

The former “Newlyweds” starlet has gone from stages built in areas and stadiums to hold her legions of fans to dirty bingo venues. Simpson preformed at San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino in Highland, California on November 13th. The whopping 2,500 capacity venue tossed out the elders wanting to get their bingo on to hold Jessica’s “concert.”

“Jessica’s dressing room at the bingo hall was a little larger than a broom closet,” an insider tells OK!. There’s an iron, but no ironing board. There’s not even a fridge!”

She went from selling millions of copies in a week with her 2003 CD, “In This Skin,” to barely breaking 65,000 copies with hr latest flop, “Do You Know.” Patrons were subject to her new country image and music while she bounced around braless and trying to ignore the standard bingo hall smell of deep fried food and feet.

I would love to help this wench out. Let’s write another open letter….

Dear Jessica Simpson,

In recent light of your career circling the crapper, I have a few suggestions.

1. Fire your father. Anyone who shills you to a Bingo Hall or Bowling Alley is not your friend.
2. Wearing cowboy boots and singing with a faux twang…does not a country song make. Fake accents are Madonna’s thing.
3. If all else fails…take a note from your little sister and crap out a kid. I know it is hot to adopt African children or “Little Lion King Babies” as you probably call them, but no starving and gaunt mother in their right mind would have their baby over to you. So it is wise to poke holes in Tony Romo’s condom stash.

Best of Luck,

The Dame

P.S.
Please wear a bra and keep your floppy boobs under control.

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