Madonna and Naked Jesus in W Magazine

It’s not a dirty as it sounds, but it is as gross as it sounds.

Madonna and her latest toy, model Jesus Luz. W Magazine captured images of the two doing yucky memaw stuff like smoking while wearing gloves and playing canasta. Included in the spread is a nude of Jesus. The 50 year old Madge is desperately trying to prove she is still hip, youthful and vibrant.

Via Hollywood Rag Per W Magazine:

A source close to the star said: “She is seeing where it goes. She loves showing that she can still get the youngest, hottest thing out there.”

Word is that thanks to Madonna he has landed a new modeling agency and raised his fees to just over $100,000 from $225. The photo above pretty much sums it up. He’s probably thinking. “Dear God I hope this is worth it. It has fangs and is covered in glitter.” Meanwhile she is all… “These aren’t menthol!”

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Images Via: W Magazine

Courtney Love Named Elle’s ‘Woman of the Year’

Did I miss the memo stating an early Aprils Fools Day this year? Wild and unbridled musician Courtney Love was just recently named “Woman of the Year” at the 2009 Elle Style awards in London. Yes, the Courtney Love that goes bat-crazy on her blogs spewing a bunch of incoherent rubbish and gives Amy Winehouse a run for her money in the train-wreck department.

Love, who entertained the camera crews with impersonations of Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, wore a Riccardo Tisci for Givenchy black fish-tailed gown worn with a little shrug encrusted with jet and black sequins. The dress caught her eye several weeks ago at the Haute Couture collection presentation for spring in Paris. In her acceptance speech she thanked Elle’s Editor in Chief Lorraine Candy for choosing her to be an Elle cover star, and for helping her to turn her life around this year.

Lets hope she really is turning her life around… at least for daughter Frances Bean’s sake! But then again, there’s no place else to go besides up for this woman!

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Images Via: Splash, Bauer Griffin, Wenn

Rihanna’s Herpes Cause for Chris Brown Fight ???

The internet blew up with questions at to whether or not Rihanna’s alleged herpes caused the fight between her and boyfriend Chris Brown. The rumor is that she failed to mention that she has the STD and Brown got it. He became furious and the fight ensued.

From what I am hearing there is little support behind the this theory. According to sources she was upset with him for looking at other women at the Pre-Grammy party and he received text messages from an alleged mistress. They began to argue about it in the car and things became physical. Another source told NY Daily News that Chris saw Rihanna dancing with another man and he became enraged with jealousy. Either way, the injuries she has sustained are being called “horrific” by police leaks.

A case is being built against Brown and Rihanna is cooperating with the investigation that could land her (hopefully former) boyfriend in jail for up to 9 years. Lets hope that justice is served because it is NEVER ok to resort to violence.

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Images Via: Wenn, WireImage

Paris Hilton and Paul McCartney Duet

This is one of the many things that will NEVER happen. I will grow a third arm and have Sparklepants’ love child before Hilton touches a Beatle.

While at the Grammy Awards Paris Hilton asked Paul McCartney to doe a duet with her. Bwhahaha!

Per The Daily Telegraph:

Paris, 27, said to 66-year-old Sir Paul: “I’d love to do a duet with you. I’m a singer too and have had an album out.”

To which he said he would have to check his schedule. He might as well have patted her on the head and said… “Oh you are one brave dumb ho aren’t you?”

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Images Via: Splash

Robert Pattinson Out With His Girlfriends In London

Robert Pattinson is breaking my heart! Hollywood’s “it” boy was spotted walking the streets of London this past weekend with random skanks dressed like they raided some memaw’s attic.

Not to worry though. According to Gossip Girls, the, um, ladies are merely fans like myself-just a lot more skanky.

Via Gossip Girls:

“The ‘Twilight’ hunk and his pals headed out of the London hotspot, Groucho for a trip to a corner shop before catching a mini-cab with T4 presenter Marquita Oliver.”

Awe! I hope he didn’t forget my M&M’s.

The following evening, Sparklepants attended the Vogue dinner hosted by Alexandra Shulman and Nick Jones with friend and fellow actor Tom Sturridge. Thankfully, no skanks were in sight.

Robert will soon be heading to Vancouver, British Columbia where filming of “New Moon” begins next month. He is also slated to don the cover of the March issue of GQ Magazine which is due out later this month. Yum.

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Images Via: GG

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson Reunite

At long last Kate Hudson has returned to her favorite flavor…butterscotch. As in The Butterscotch Stallion.

Hudson has been spending extra time with her former boyfriend, Owen Wilson. The past two weeks she has been spending time with him “religiously” according to spies. She even brought her son Ryder along a few times. They played in the pool with Owen and looked cozy.

Sources have gushed to People about how happy they are being back together. After they split in Spring of 2007 Wilson took it pretty hard. Now that they are back together, Owen is forgetting about the past and moving forward and he is “putting it behind him.”

Awww…it’s nice when a ho finds itself another ho to complete herself.

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Images Via: Splash, Wenn, Huffington Post

Katy Perry Carries Lock of Miley Cyrus’ Hair

Here we have a case of crazy. While at the 2009 Grammy Awards, Katy Perry made a pit stop and slummed it with Ryan Seacrest. He must have been having a bad hair day because he was a grouchy little sprite.

While Ryan was tolerating her crazy she told him to ask her about what was in her purse. The grouchy little imp retorted that he didn’t want to because he’s done that bit a million times. Katy insisted so he humored her. Perry pulled out a lock of Miley Cyrus’ hair. She also whipped out a lock of Taylor Swift’s hair too. You could tell it was T.Squints because it was bitter and full of teenage angst. Completely thinking… “This ho is nuttier than crunchy peanut butter,” Seacrest was speechless.

It was a Grammy miracle.

The Dame’s Link Worthy

Katy Perry’s Giant Banana Entrance – Bumpshack

Dakota Fanning Loves Letterman – Gossip Teen

‘Friday the 13th’ Film Clip – Ten Gossip

‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Cast – Celebrity Smack

MIA Not Smuggling Watermelon, She’s 9 Months Pregnant! - Knocked Up Celebs

Matthew McConaughey Cheats at Skate Boarding – Backseat Cuddler

Rihanna Gets Beat Up by Chris Brown Over Herpes ?!? – Hollywood Dame

Kate Hudson Back to Riding the Butterscotch Stallion – Allie is Wired

Ben Affleck Wants Anther Baby – Snarkerati

Tiger Woods’ New Addition – Hollywire

Blink 182 is Back!

The three members of the Southern California pop-punk band Blink-182 announced they are getting back together, big news considering their 2005 breakup ended a run of platinum-selling albums. Tom DeLong, Mark Hoppus, and Travis Barker made the announcement last night during the Grammy Awards. The band has been officially on hiatus since February 2005 after what DeLonge described in an in-depth interview with the San Diego Union-Tribune as a “major blowout.” Since then DeLonge has gone on to form the band Angels & Airwaves, while Hoppus and Barker put together the band +44.

Per Rolling Stone:

“Isn’t it great to see the Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder back together again,” Blink-182’s Mark Hoppus joked as his band — together again — took the stage at the Grammy Awards to present the trophy for Best Rock Album to Coldplay. “We used to play music together, and we decided to play music together once again,” added Travis Barker. The bottom line: “Blink-182 is back.”

In November 2008, after the plane crash in South Carolina that left 4 people dead and nearly killed Barker and his friend DJ AM, Hoppus blogged that the trio had resumed talking. Barker, the band’s drummer, has since indicated that the plane crash was a large factor in the decision to reunite with his friends and band mates.

Per Rolling Stone:

“In the midst of everything else that has happened lately, Tom, Travis, and I have all spoken together,” he wrote. “First through a number of phone calls, and then a couple of weeks ago we all hung out for a few hours. … We’re just reconnecting as friends after four years of not talking.”

Along with announcing the return of Blink 182, they also took the stage to remind fans why they were missed so much in the first place. The band rocked the stage to perform one of Blink 182’s classic hits “What’s My Age Again.” After the Grammys, an official announcement from the band was released:

Per Rolling Stone:

“Hi. We’re blink-182. This past week there’ve been a lot of questions about the current status of the band, and we wanted you to hear it straight from us. To put it simply, We’re back. We mean, really back. Picking up where we left off and then some. In the studio writing and recording a new album. Preparing to tour the world yet again. Friendships reformed. 17 years deep in our legacy. Summer 2009. Thanks and get ready…”

The return of Blink 182 is being very well received among fans who were shocked when the band split in early 2005. Fans have been eager for the band to reunite, me included! “New Moon” and a Blink 182 record — 2009 is going to be a great year!

ABC Reveals Cast Of “Dancing With The Stars”

When “Dancing with the Stars” first began, I was all over the show like white on rice. Maybe it was my love for the dance, or my undying love for Joey McIntyre (who really should have won the first season). Right. It was Joey.

I’ve stuck with the show despite the yawnfest the last two seasons have become. In fact, I have never been as grateful to the manufacturers of the DVR as I was last season when I was able to fast-forward through all of Cloris Leachman’s “dancing”.

Yet here I am again, on the brink of yet another season, eagerly awaiting the news of who made the cast this season and who didn’t (I can always hope Joey will make a comeback). And once again, I am sadly disappointed. This year’s cast looks like a cross between a class reunion of the Betty Ford Clinic, and the Riker’s Island waitlist. Seriously ABC, I thought this was “Dancing with the Stars”?

This season, we will be privy to the dance styling of Ty Murray and his wife Jewel. I haven’t heard from her in years, but I guess she has some reality show on CMT which is the channel I pass on my way to more exciting channels, like C-Span.

We also get Steve-O who is famous for a slew of drug-related arrests and stapling his ass-cheeks together and rapper Lil’ Kim, who I predict will either be naked or in a holding cell by episode four.

There are the usual washed-up athletes, including former NFL player Lawrence Taylor and gymnast Shawn Johnson who, at 17, is the youngest competitor this season. Shouldn’t she be in school or something?

ABC also landed such ‘hot’ actors as Gilles Marini whom I have never heard of and Denise Richard whom I wish I had never heard of.

This is going to be a long, sequenced full season. At least Maksim is back, chest blazing.

See a full list of the “stars” via People.

Image Via: ABC