Lindsay Lohan is a Liar, Liar Crotch on Fire

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Wow Lindsay – how many more people are you going to add to your list of people who are furious with you? After a night out with the boys, Justin Timberlake appeared to be headed to the dog house with girlfriend Jessica Biel. Witnesses claim that Timberlake was in full party mode, acting a little bit on the crazy side, and cheating on Jessica. Lindsay Lohan calimed he was being unfaithful (click here to read about Lilo’s cheating claims).

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Per Page Six:

“He was drinking tequila all night. At one point, he cleared out a little space and started break dancing. He was bumping into people and spilling drinks. It was hilarious.”

Hmmm so far, sounds no more out of sorts than any of my house parties! At one point during the night, Lindsay Lohan came out to the dance floor and tried to dance with Justin, who apparently had no interest in the actress and basically told her to take a hike. No stranger to rejection, you’d think Lohan would go on about her spaced-out way and forget about all of this… But instead, she decided to act out a little bit of revenge against Timberlake, by going the route of Twitter. How mature! By Twittering messages such as “where’s jb cheater” that night and “Why do people cheat?” the day after. Lohan was pretty obviously attempting to get back at the singer who shunned him away. Rumors are flying rampant after those messages that Justin was seen dancing and cozying up to a brunette who wasn’t his current girlfriend. But now the owner of the club has come out to defend Justin, and all but call out Lohan by name on her lies.

Per Contact Music:

“My partner, Danny A, was with Justin and a few of his guy friends the entire night, and I was within 15 feet of him the whole time he was there, and we know for sure he was not doing anything with other girls. He was having a good time with the guys, and came and left with them. I have surveillance cameras that show this to be the case and anything you are hearing is simply not true,” said “Avenue” owner Noah Tepperberg.

Eventually Lohan backtracked on the remarks she made, claiming the messages were left by someone who happened to hack into her Twitter account. How convenient! Doesn’t matter if Timberlake cheated or not – he still had enough common sense and self respect to keep his distance from Lohan, and for that I think he deserves some major kudos!

Images Via: Splash, AP

Jonathan Rhys Meyers Wants a Spanking

And before you all go getting excited…I have already called dibs.

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Jonathan Rhys Meyers is back on the sauce according to assumptions. He was allegedly taunting French police before boarding a plane out of the country. He challenge the law enforcement to fight him at the Charles DeGaulle airport before being cuffed and taken in for investigation. Meyers sobriety has constantly been in up in the air since his 2005 rehab rodeo began.

Per The Sun Via UPI:

“He threw wads of euros at the officials and bragged of his wealth, before shouting, “You wanna hit me? Hit me!” He was released from police custody after several hours pending further investigations.”

This time he escaped without charges. His last scene happened while in Dublin nearly 2 years ago. At the time he was brought in on charges of being drunk and disorderly only to be dropped later.

I love a good drunk. They usually are a good laugh or will buy you anything. However, this isn’t the sexy fun kind of drunk. Sometimes you can’t take a ho anywhere. Remind me to bring my Lady Bic to shave that icky little goatee off.

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Images Via: Wenn

Robert Pattinson is a “Pussy” According to Stephen Moyer

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Who is Stephen Moyer? Well, if you’re a Twi-Hard he’s the next hit on your list. For those over 30 out there, you likely know Moyer as vampire Bill on the HBO series, “True Blood”.

In a recent interview, Moyer was asked his feelings about beloved “Twilight” vampire and my personal sex-slave, Robert Pattinson.

Via Oh No They Didn’t:

“He’s a pussy! He’s the Slim-Fast, Diet Coke of vampires.”

I don’t quite think Moyer knows what he is getting himself into with that statement. Any second now, a mini-van full of chicks ranging in age from 14 to 60 will descend upon him with body glitter-claws drawn.

Let us not worry too much about Sparklepants. His abs may be fake, but that’s not stopping him from getting his slut on while shooting his new flick “Remember Me” in NYC.

Via People:

“Earlier this month, Pattinson was seen at a bar with friends, but was paying special attention to a petite blonde who spoke with a foreign accent. ‘They sat next to each and he was leaning close to her. They were whispering to each other the entire night. It seemed clear that he was into her’.”

I thought I did a pretty good job at hiding that accent of mine. Damn that Rosetta Stone!

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Images Via: Fame Picture, Bauer Griffin

Sarah Jessica Parker Twins’ Names

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Ugh…I apologizing now. This shiz I am passing as news is all we have this morning cause Hollywood has decided to panties on, stay sober and keep it mundane this morning. So without further delay…I give you Sarah Jessica Parker’s twins girls’ names.

Per People:

“The babies are doing beautifully and the entire family is over the moon,” the couple say in a statement confirming earlier reports. Born at 3:58 p.m., Marion Loretta Elwell weighed 5 lbs., 11 oz, and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 lbs. “Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker’s side.”

Start crossing your fingers someone shaves their head will drunk and beats up their lover with a dildo circa “Cops.”

Miley Cyrus Practices Lap Dancing – Photos

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It looks like Britney Spears is going to be dethroned of her “I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless, You want a piece of me?” by Miley Cyrus.

Cyrus is out sharing more slightly naughty photos of herself. In one she is giving a sideways blue steel look to her BFF Adam Shankman. In the next photo she is running her hands through her hair while straddling a chair.

Everyone started going ham sandwich crazy on the guy after he tweeted the provocative pictures of Miley. He retorted with the old stand by of ‘she’s like family’ to me.

“Miley is a sweet angel who works tirelessly and endlessly, and is allowed to have fun in the make up room! Seriously! Lighten up or no more behind the scenes pics! She’s like my angel little sister.”

Way to go creepy uncle wannabe. In the words of mah boo Crista: “An honest girl can’t get her slut on anymore.”

Images Via: TMZ

Sarah Jessica Parker has Twins

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By the power of Greyskull Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have twins!

Parker and Broderick have two new additions to their rumored filled life. After dealing with infidelity issues (click here to read about Matty Cakes marital indiscretions), a surrogate carrying their babies has given birth. The surrogate, Sarah, Matty and said babies are currently at East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry where they are under tight security. Word is that the famous couple is planning on making an announcement soon.

The names have yet to make it to the press, but I am sure the will go with something demure being that their first baby was James. I am suggesting Bootlegger Club (nicknamed #14 with cheese) or Belvedere Vodka for boys and Princess Consuelo Banana Hammock or Anabelle Beaverhausen the 2nd for girls.

Quotables:

Dlisted – “I’m guessing that Matthew wants to name the girls Liza and Judy, but SJP has Flicka and Seabiscuit in mind. Liza Flicka and Judy Seabiscuit it is!”

Evil Beet Gossip – “No word yet on names for the babes, but since they named their first child James, I think we can safely assume that these two won’t be called Armchair and Ottoman or anything of that genre.

Jessica Simpson Returns to Reality TV

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Jessica Simpson is returning to do what she does best… Reality TV. VH1′s “The Price of Beauty” will take Simpson all over the world in search of what people find beautiful and why in all sorts of different cultures. Part of Jessicas’ job will be to study local fashions, dietary fads and beauty regimes of local women, even participating in some of the extreme practices she discovers. Simpson said she was immediately intrigued by the concept of doing a show about true beauty.

Per Us:

“I have always believed that beauty comes from within and confidence will always make a woman beautiful, but I know how much pressure some women put on themselves to look perfect,” she said in a statement Monday.

“I am really looking forward to discovering how beauty is perceived in different cultures and participating in some of the crazy things people do to feel beautiful,” she continued. “I know we will all learn a lot on this journey and I am so excited that VH1 is coming along on what I’m sure will be a wild ride.”

Wild ride indeed. This should be quite the learning adventure for the girl who once couldn’t distinguish between tuna and chicken. Simpson has come under fire from the media and magazines for her appearance lately, starting when she appeared onstage wearing unflattering high-waisted jeans back in January (read about that here.)

Shooting for the new series begins in mid-july, with a premiere date scheduled for early 2010. Jessica and her creepy father Joe will serve as executive producers. Hopefully this show will be a lot more successful than her previous one on MTV with ex husband Nick Lachey called “Newlyweds“. Either way, with Jessica Simpson involved it ought to be entertaining.

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Images Via: Webster is My Bitch

Chris Brown Gets Probation For Beating Rihanna

Ugh. This is so gross I can barely report it.

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Chris Brown took a plea bargain in his assault case against former girlfriend, Rihanna. In exchange for a guilty plea, Brown will get five years probation and have to serve 180 days doing community service in his home state of Virginia.

Following the hearing, Brown’s lawyer, Mark Gregaros, addressed the media because he likes to hear his own voice and bought a new suit for the occasion.

Via US Weekly:

“This is a kid who has never been in trouble before, who wants to move past this. He has accepted responsibility and will continue to do so. He embraces this as an opportunity to get his life back on track and his career back on track.”

Oh well, if he’s never been in trouble before, by all means, use any lady you’d like as a punching bag.

On top of the probation and community service, the judge also ordered a protective order forbidding the singer from contacting Rihanna and a 50 yard stay-away order which demands that both parties keep their distance from one another.

Rihanna was present but was not called upon to testify.

After Brown left the courthouse, Rihanna and her attorney met with the judge to discuss the stay-away order. The judge in this case, Patricia Schnegg, conveyed to the “Umbrella” singer that she also is not allowed to contact Brown under the protection order and stay-away agreement.

If only the girls on the Maury Povich Show could be afforded the same opportunity we wouldn’t be subjected to the “…but I love him” defense.

John Mayer Perez Hilton and Will.I.Am Assault Rodeo

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John Mayer has taken to his Twitter to add his ramblings to the nuttery that is the Perez Hilton Assault ’09. In case you have been doing more interesting things like trimming your toenails or contemplating the effects of global warming, here is a rundown of what happened between Perez Hilton and Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas

He-Bitch (Perez) claims that Will.I.Am hit him several times after an argument after the MuchMusic Awards in Toronto. It started with Fergie confronted Perez for hating the Peas’ new single. She confronted Hilton and asked why he was ‘angry’ and mean. Later, Will.I.Am and Hilton were leaving the at the same and a fight erupted. Will claims he never touched him and a random fan was responsible for hitting him. Meanwhile Perez twittered his need for help.

“I didn’t know what to do. I did what should be done when someone is assaulted. I called the police and they explained to me that they would try to make, but there was actual emergencies.”

“The police were taking their time and their not coming…I am freaking out so I took to Twitter.”

Now a video of the altercation has surfaced. TMZ has a shaky and dark recording of a mass of people surrounding their fight. Not much can be seen from the physical side of their fight. Perez can clearly be heard shouting, “You’re not a f**king artist. You’re a f**king fa**ot.” At that, GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) has asked him to apologize for his use of the slang and offensive term. If you recall, Perez was started a huge campaign to rid “Grey’s Anatomy” of Isaiah Washington after using the term.

Meanwhile, in a rather amusing twist, John Mayer has twittered his little heart out since the news spread of Hilton getting owned by the Black Eyed Peas. Last I checked most of his tweets were aimed at his obsession.

Via John Mayer’s Twitter:

@perezhilton’s video statement is so long that by the end of it his cut healed.
about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
Last year P!nk kneed me in the nuts outside Chateau Marmont. I was pissing blood for days. Did I make a scene?
about 8 hours ago from web
Can somebody please call Amex and get me a replacement card?
about 8 hours ago from web
FollowMonday @police @fire @ambulance
about 9 hours ago from web
I love that @perezhilton uses his cellphone to log on to twitter to post a tweet to ask his followers to call the police for him.
about 9 hours ago from web

For once, John Mayer made me giggle. Enjoy it because I have very little doubt it will be a one time thing. Regardless, I love to bring you the news and gossip, but this be the last Perez Smack Down ‘09 related post unless Jonathan Rhys Meyers nude is somehow involved.

Image Via: PR Photos

Ed McMahon Dead at 86

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It’s a sad day kittens. Johnny Carson’s faithful sidekick has passed away. Ed McMahon has gone to the great big publishers clearing house in the sky.

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McMahon died just after midnight this morning (Tuesday). He was at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center after suffering from what his rep says were “multitude of health problems the last few months.” MSNBC reports the beloved 86 year old was surrounded by his family in his last moments.

Our deepest condolences go out to the loved ones of McMahon.