The following is my open letter to Kristen Stewart.

Dear Kristen,

You’re making if very hard for some of us to like you.

I liked you, even back when you looked like a little boy and were annoying while trapped in that vault-thing with Jodie Foster.

I defended you when critics came out following the release of “Twilight” and labeled you a bad actress. Yea, you bit your lip too much, and sucked in the air before you spoke, and tried to make ‘Bella Swan’ way more badass than she really is, but I defended you. I reminded critics the film had a small budget, you were young, etc.

Now you’re famous. You can’t go outside without someone snapping your picture. And I get it: you don’t care. You’re an actor. This is just the profession you chose…blah, blah, blah. But this is getting really lame.

You act surprised and miffed everytime you’re asked if you are bumpin’ uglies with Robert Pattinson. You act put-off, like making sweet hot love pudding with this guy is repulsive. Here’s the thing-we know this is an act. Why? First, as I stated, you really aren’t that great of an actress. Secondly, who in their right mind would care so much if people thought you were getting it on with Pattinson? I would LOVE it if every media outlet thought this. I would buy every tabloid, blow-up every picture of him looking at me adoringly and show them to my husband every single spare second I had. Any normal woman would.

Now you’ve gone to Entertainment Weekly to do an interview. And once again, you’ve tried to be mysterious and weird and have come across as the best deliver of bulls**t I have ever seen. Here’s what you said:

“There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: ‘Okay, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.’ I’m just trying to keep something.”

How is can yes/no NOT tip us one way or the other? “Yes, we are dating,” makes it very clear to everyone that you are, in fact, dating. “I am a lesbian,” again, makes it very clear you prefer down time with ladies. There’s nothing mysterious or difficult to decode about these statements.

And what are you trying to “keep” exactly? I have many male friends that are, really, JUST FRIENDS. And if asked, I have no problem telling whomever that this is what we are: friends. What would I be “keeping” to myself if I refused to answer that question? All this answer manages to do is make those that already can’t stand you have more ammunition to use against you.

But I think I get it. You see, really you’re career as an actor, what you want us all to believe is what you cherish the most, is nothing without the Twilight followers. And the Twilight followers have this fascination with Bella and Edward (i.e. you and Sparklepants) really being together. If you put out that fire, it’s over. I get it, you’re afraid.

However, that doesn’t mean I don’t think you and Sparklepants give one another nude piggy-back rides. I am sure you do because that is what any of would do. And because it’s loads of fun.

Regards,
Dame Crista

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Images Via: wenn.com