Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘Dr. Linus’

‘Lost.’ That’s it. Lost followed by a period. It was brilliant last night. Complete and utterly brilliant. ‘Dr. Linus’ is, in this humble Dame’s opinion, one of the top five episodes of ‘Lost’ we have ever had.

First off, who doesn’t love a story about Ben? You may not like him, he may piss you off, he may creep you out, but leaning about Ben is one of the best parts about our beloved show.

Many of you know that Michael Emerson (the actor that portrays Ben) was originally brought on only for three episodes. However, fans took an interest in him so quickly that Damon Lindeloff and Carlton Cuse made him into a major character. Last night showed us why Emerson has won the Emmy for his portrayal of Ben Linus, excuse me, Dr. Ben Linus…twice.

Ben on the Run….

We begin where we last saw Ben, high tailing it out of the temple, less a crazed Sayid, searching like mad for his “friends” Sun, Ilana, and Lappids (who have now acquired Miles).

He finds them and explains that he is sans Sayid because he is now four shades of cooky and has the crazy face. Ilana doesn’t seem to believe him, but she’s pretty much a load and they take off for the beach at Ben’s suggestion. Although this was a small detail, Ben’s knowledge of where to go does show us that he has leadership abilities. Perhaps this is why Jacob originally wanted to save him?

On the way to the beach, Ilana seems to catch on the Ben isn’t telling the truth about who really killed Jacob (if you remember, he told her that UnLocke had killed him). Knowing Miles can communicate with the dead (side note: how come no one thinks this dude is a freak for being able to do this? Everyone seems to be of an opinion that communicating with the dead is comparable to making homemade chicken pot-pie).

Miles tells Ilana the truth, Ben did it, stabbed Jacob in the heart, bloody dagger, etc. etc. Ben tries his best to lie again, but apparently Ilana and Jacob were like daughter and really young and therefore creepy father and she’s pissed.

Once back at the beach, the team starts to rebuild…again. The parallels are getting a little redundant, no? Sun inquires about the length they plan to stay as she wants to find Jin. Ilana reveals that she wants to find Jin too because he’s pretty hot and oh, yea, she needs to protect them since they’re candidates chosen by Jacob. Unfortunately, Jacob wasn’t clear which “Kwon” should be protected, so Ilana must pull double-duty and protect them both. OK. How many of you are with me in thinking it’s actually their kid, not either of them? Ilana does reveal that only six candidates remain: Jack, Hurley, Sun, Jin, Sawyer and…and…?? Who am I forgetting? Remember, Kate wasn’t given a number, Locke is dead, and Sayid is nuts. Perhaps she still considers Sayid eligible?

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We then get to see what’s going on with the Hot Doc, Jack and Hurley. They’re traveling through the jungle on their way back to the Temple (a journey Hurley is trying like mad to stall), when they run into Richard and his manicured brows.

Told that he will lead them back to the Temple, Jack and Hurley follow him.

Back on the beach, Ben pillages the belongings of Sawyer’s old tent and sweetly reminisces about the day Oceanic 815 crashed before his eyes. Ah yes, the good ole days.

This doesn’t last long as Ilana quickly puts a gun to his head, ties him to a tree and makes him dig his own grave. Rats.

As he digs, I have to believe that Ben will live. Seriously, they aren’t killing him off this early in a show that is Ben –centric. This puts me at ease.

Miles feels some compassion and offers Ben some food which he digs. Ben tries to buy him off by offering him the money he previously tried to extort from Ben. Phew. Got that? Miles points out that he doesn’t need the money since he already knows that Nikki and Paulo (gross) are buried right there with a bunch of diamonds (which he later digs up and steals). This is a truly sad attempt at making Nikki and Paulo relevant. I don’t like this. Remember that episode? It sucked-except for the cameo by Billy Dee Williams which, let’s face it, makes anything better.

Anyway, Miles also let’s Ben know that Jacob, at the time of his death, was hoping he wrong about Ben. Ben seems a little sad and taken aback by this as he had felt let down by Jacob. Boo…hoo…hoo…

In the storyline I care more about, Jack, Hurley, Richard, and his eyebrows (which, c’mon, totally deserve their own credit much like Claire’s wig) arrive not at the Temple, but at the Black Rock. Ah, good times. Richard tells Jack that everyone at the Temple is dead but he didn’t see Kate or anyone else’s body that was important. No worries.

Hurley tells Richard that he’s speaking with Jacob and Richard demands that Hurley not believe anything Jacob tells him. Then he goes off to die. Say what? Um, Richard. You’re like 137 years old. I don’t think death is an option for you.

Jack follows Richard into the Black Rock where Richard admires his shackles and reveals that even though he’s been on the island two days short of forever, he has never come back to the Black Rock since leaving it initially.

Richard goes for the box of DYNO-MITE and Hurley takes a moment to remind us all that Doc Artz got a little too close to the DYNO-MITE and it went boom…and Hurley was cleaning Doc out of his shirt for days. Gross, but funny.

Richard then reveals that he doesn’t age because Jacob gave him a gift. He also tells us that, if Jacob touches you (something we know he’s done to our favorite Losties), he is giving you a gift as well. So what does this mean? Well, if you remember Michael’s various failed suicide attempts, you know this means that they cannot kill themselves.

No worries though, Jack will light the fuse and then use that opportunity to get some answers out of Richard. Richard is obviously stressed by Jack’s decision to wait around while the fuse burns and Jack calmly reminds Richard and his eyebrows that Jacob has brought him to the island for a purpose and he is doubtful that purpose was to blow-up in an old slave ship.

What do you know? The fuse goes out.

Back at the beach, Ben is digging a perfectly rectangular grave for himself when UnLocke shows up asking for his allegiance. He offers to leave Ben in charge of the island when the rest of them leave. Poor Ben. Isn’t this always what he wanted?

Naturally, with that resting upon his pallet, Ben takes off into the woods where Ilana chases after him. He makes it to the gun first and pulls it on Ilana. And then, suddenly, Ben changes. He tells Ilana how he chose Jacob over his own daughter’s life and how he feels let down by that and that now, nothing matters because the only thing that ever mattered to him, Alex, is gone.

Um, am I the only person that remembers Ben kidnapping Alex from Rousseau thus driving her into a French Hobo Mad Woman?

He then tells Ilana that he’s going with UnLocke because no one else wants him. But Ilana does, and they return together. I still don’t trust this bitch. She’s going to plug him. I can feel it.

They return to the beach where Ben offers Sun a hand at fixing a shelter. Suddenly, Jack, Hurley, Richard and his Eyebrows appear and a reunion takes place. Sun is happy to see her friends and, no doubt, they will assure that Jin was alive the last time they saw him. Jack sees Ben and nods…ah, I have such fond memories of the time Jack beat the crap out of Ben when he thought he killed Sayid, Sawyer, and Bernard. Good times.

But suddenly we see a submarine. The sub’s periscope has our Losties in sight, but the sailors are told to carry on by none other than CHARLES F’ING WIDMORE!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!! So, this is the prick coming to the island. Boo! Hiss! It was supposed to be Desmond. This is so not good.

“History must be written of, by and for the survivors.”-Anonymous

In sideways world, Dr. Ben Linus (seriously, he didn’t go to evil medical school for nothing), has a much simpler life. Kickin’ it as a high school European History teacher (which, in case you’re wondering, are always the BEST teachers) in the same building with Doc Artz and substitute John Locke, Ben isn’t getting along very well with his Principal (ok kids, he was on ‘Lost’ before, right? Why can’t I remember him?). Budget cuts are looming and now Ben can’t keep his date with his five History Club members because he has to run detention. Bollix.

While complaining about it in the teacher’s lounge-which is the place where no real teachers hang out by the way (right Ferstle?), Locke suggests that Ben take over and run the school. Sound familiar? I am not sure I approve of parallels between the real Locke and UnLocke. It’s not sitting right with me. Though, that could just be the soup I had for lunch.

Anyway, back at his pad, Ben is taking care of his very much alive and old father, whom I know only as Uncle Rico. It seems that in Sideways World, Ben and Uncle Rico get along much better than they did originally.

Uncle Rico tells Ben he wanted a better life for him (note to my teacher friends: what’s he tryin’ to say?). He ever recalls that they should have “stayed on the island” with the Dharma folks. Trust me Uncle Rico. No you shouldn’t have.

So now we have another new mystery: Why did they leave the island? In Sideways World is the Dharma Initiative still going strong?

My thoughts are interrupted when Alex (the hell?!) knocks on Ben’s door. She’s apparently his student and not his surrogate daughter in Sideways World and a taken member of the History Club, i.e. she’s free every weekend.

She wants to know why Dr. Linus didn’t make it to the club meeting and he agrees to meet with her in the morning to help her prepare for her AP test. Question: Am I the only person who sees this as a little stalkerish? Did you ever go to your teacher’s house uninvited? Or even know where they lived for that matter?

While reviewing the sexiness of the East India Company in the morning, Alex lets it slip that Mr. Reynolds (the principal) and having some extracurricular activities of his own with the school nurse. Um, trust me, if there are budget problems, the nurse is the first to go. If she’s still hanging around, this should not have come as a surprise.

Anyway, Ben teams up with Doc Artz who’s giving out F’s like it’s Tuesday. Apparently Artz has mad computer skills and they hack into the nurse’s email and retrieve some naughty messages she sent to Reynolds.

Dr. Linus uses the emails as a means of blackmailing Reynolds for his job. However, his plan backfires when Reynolds reveals that Alex is in desperate need of his recommendation to get into Yale. See, in Sideways World Roussaeu is poor. Scientific explorers just aren’t paid what they used to be paid. She needs his recommendation. She needs a scholarship.

As we have seen with the other storylines, Ben now has a chance to get what he really wants: Alex’s happiness. He forgoes the blackmailing in exchange for Reynolds’s glowing recommendation for Alex. And History Club is back, y’all.

So what do we know: We learned that Jacob’s touch provides you with a gift. What that gift may be, is unknown. For Richard and his eyebrows, it appears to be eternal good looks. For Jack, it better be forever sexiness. That’s all I am saying.

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