Johnny Depp’s Angelina Jolie Restraining Order

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Johnny Depp’s longtime girlfriend Vanessa Paradis has reportedly asked Depp to cut himself out of his latest film because she doesn’t want to be another Angelina Jolie love casualty. As soon as Paradis found out Depp would have a major love scene with Jolie in “The Tourist” she started campaigning to get him the hell out of there.

Per NYPost:

“He’s currently trying to [get out of the movie], but I don’t know if he’s succeeded. But he’s trying and they’re talking about replacing him with [Jolie's partner] Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio.”

So far it hasn’t worked as we’ve already seen pictures of the co-stars filming, but the NY Post says there is some behind the scenes manipulating going on and that it is possible Johnny could be replaced Pitt DiCaprio. Given Jolie’s track record, I would worry too! Jolie has a history of stealing other people’s men, credited with breaking up Pitt’s marriage to Jennifer Aniston and stealing Billy Bob Thorton away from Laura Dern during their engagement.

Filming started last month, and Depp and Jolie were spied sharing a laugh Tuesday on set at the Palazzo Pisani Moretta in Venice. In the movie, Jolie plays an Interpol agent who seduces a tourist, played by Depp, in order to flush out a criminal she slept with in the past. Oh Johnny boy, lets hope you’re not stupid.

The Dame’s Link Worthy

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Funny or Die: SNL’s Presidential Reunion- VIDEO

[SNL Presidents Reunion - Funny or Die Video]

The funny folks over at FunnyorDiehave done it again. This time, the site has put together a presidential reunion video featuring current and past Saturday Night Live comediens as American Presidents.

The video features Will Ferrell as President George W. Bush, Darrell Hammond as President Bill Clinton, Dana Carvey as President George H.W. Bush, Dan Aykroyd plays President Jimmy Carter and Chevy Chase returns as President Gerald Ford, alongside Fred Armisen portraying President Barack Obama.

The only non-SNL cast member appearing in the skit is Jim Carrey. Carrey stepped in to portray the late President Ronald Reagan who had been portrayed on SNL by the late Phil Hartman.

Angelina Jolie Slept with Voldemort

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The title is about as legit as the story. In yet another “tell all” surrounding the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie topic, the author claims that Jolie indulged in S&M sex with Ralph Fiennes (who does a fantastic job of playing Voldemort in the Harry Potter films), Colin Farrell, Mick Jagger and many others.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie : The True Story is said to detail the split between Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, the mini rainbow nation of offspring they are planning for and who wears the proverbial pants in the family.

Via Life and Style:

Brad and Jen’s Split -

“Brad told Angelina just weeks into filming Mr. & Mrs. Smith that his marriage to Jen was over in every way apart from on paper and had been for more than a year,” says Paul, who spoke to an insider who detailed Brad and Angie’s secret trysts, which began soon after. According to the book, Brad told Angelina that he and Jen were just good friends and were waiting for the right time to officially end their marriage.

Number of Children Jolie-Pitt Will Have

The book reveals Brad and Angelina’s plan to have 13 children. “Some will be adopted, some will be biological,” Paul tells the mag. And when they’ll have those kids may be up to Brad — because he’s the one calling the shots these days. “The power base in the relationship has changed,” Paul reveals. “Angelina wore the pants first, but now Brad’s the one wearing them.”

On Angelina’s Conquests –

“In the book, the sources say Angelina was sleeping with Jonny Lee Miller and Ralph Fiennes when she met Brad Pitt and she’d just ended a four-month relationship with Colin Farrell, because he was becoming obsessed with her, and he drank too much and wasn’t a good role model for Maddox. An insider claims that Angelina and Ralph Fiennes met for regular S&M sex sessions at a hotel in London. “They would order room service and watch the news together in bed afterward.”

In case you are interested, the issue of Life and Style also dissects Shiloh dressing like a not-so-closeted gym teacher going to your high school Christmas dance to chaperone. Basically the mag called up a bunch of stylists (not kidding) and a parenting coach (still not kidding) to dub her the new Chaz Bono.

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Images Via: WENN.com

Ke$ha Attacks Britney Spears

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I’d love to see this cage match. You know Britney would kick off her Uggs, ask Poppa Spears to hold her weave, ball up her claws into little bitch beaters and then be torn of Ke$ha by 3 bayou officers. We just may get to see this action. Ke$ha has made the grave mistake of verbally attacking Britney Spears.

Via Showbiz Spy:

“I don’t think that’s fair at all for people who are going to see the show. I think if you are going to be a singer, you should sing. If you are going to be a dancer, you should dance. If you are going to do a combination of the two, you should make it very clear when you are singing and very clear when you are dancing. I would never do that to my fans. No offense to her specifically but people have asked me before to mime. I have been up at three in the morning for a television show with jet lag but I refuse to mime. It’s treating people as if they are too stupid to realize you are not actually singing. Sometimes it is hard to sing and dance at the same time but I would rather be off and be real and genuine about it to my fans. I don’t want to treat my fans like they are stupid.”

Oooh, I bet when Brit-Brit gets wind of this she is going to get out her straight razors and Vaseline. The article also points out that the Tik Tok singer was featured on Spears’ track “Lace and Leather.” Ungrateful or mildly retarded? Either way, Brit’s fans are quite aware of the lip syncing that goes on. The tickets come with a declaration of that fact, they say: Britney Spears Live in Concert.

Robert Pattinson Thinks Betty White Is Sexy – Video

We Dames love our Golden Girls and think there is nothing hotter than a straight man showing an appreciation for them. And its even hotter when that man is none other than Robert Pattinson. While appearing on “The View” with his “Remember Me” co-star Emilie De Ravin to promote his new film, Pattinson shared his affection towards none other than Betty White.

Per Access Hollywood:

“I think Betty White is probably one of the sexiest women in America,” Pattinson said on the talk show Tuesday. “She’s vibrant; it’s sexy. I think the more age, the better.”

Damn that Betty White! She gets all the action! But don’t worry, Kristen Stewart - no need to be worried about White running off with Pattinson just yet because she thinks its hilarious!

“Now THAT is a comedy line!” the 88-year-old actress said.

Take Note, Saturday Night Live – Everyone loves Betty White!

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Images Via: WENN.com

Lisa Ellis-Nude Pictures on Wycleff Jean’s Cell Phone

Looks like Fugees star Wycleff Jean is a little too close to his manager, Lisa Ellis.

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Gossipers around the globe are reporting that Jean’s wife, Marie Claudinette, demanded her husband fire Ellis as his manager because she found nude pictures of Ellis on Jean’s cell phone.

Via The New York Daily News:

“Claudinette flew into a jealous rage. She jumped to the conclusion that something may be up between Wyclef and Lisa. She told Lisa to stay away from her husband. To embarrass Lisa, she also e-mailed the nude picture to a number of people in the music business.”

Jean claims his relationship with Ellis is ‘strictly business.’ However, Ellis has resigned as his manager.

Ellis is also claiming the picture was a tastefully done piece of art.

“Photographer Mark Baptiste took a portrait of me in December 2008 for an art book. It was tastefully done. Someone leaked the photo. I don’t know who did it, but the photo had nothing to do with my resignation as Wyclef Jean’s manager.”

You mean to tell me sending your boss nude pictures of yourself isn’t standard business? Dear Dame, please disregard my last three text messages.

Naomi Campbell Continues To Slap Her Way Through The Help

When she isn’t busy slapping her maid with her cell phone, model Naomi Campbell is bitch-slappin’ limo drivers across New York.

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According to reports, limo driver Miodrag Mejdina is stating that the long-legged Campbell slapped and slugged him repeatedly while he was driving her through Manhattan’s midtown. She hit him so hard that one blow caused Mejdina to hit his head on the steering wheel.

Via The New York Daily News:

“Mejdina told cops he picked Campbell up at the Mandarin Oriental hotel in Columbus Circle and was driving her to the Kaufman Astoria Studios in Queens when she snapped about 3 p.m. as they approached the Queensboro Bridge. The driver claimed Campbell was brooding about an incident involving her boyfriend, married Russian billionaire Vladimir Doronin, sources said.”

It seems that about a year ago Mejdina was hired by Campbell’s Russian married boyfriend as a chauffeur. When Campbell couldn’t reach Doronin by cell, she tried to reach Mejdina who also did not answer his phone. Campbell apparently assumes the driver was covering for Doronin.

Yes, because when your MARRIED boyfriend doesn’t answer his phone, he’s likely cheating on you or back with that stupid wife of his…maybe even with his ghastly children.

As of press time, Campbell had not been located by NYPD for questioning.

Quoteables:

Dlisted - “you might want to carry some kind of drugstore-bought toner with you just in case. Supermodels are allergic to anything sold under fluorescent lighting.”

The Blemish – “If I was the driver, I wouldn’t tell anyone I got my ass beat by a model. I’d like to think I could sort this out on my own, if you know what I mean. Heh heh heh. Wait. This ass kicking will stop if I curl up in a ball and start crying, right?”

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Images Via: WENN.com

Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘Sundown’

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Dear ‘Lost’ Fans:

‘Sundown’ delivered, no? Seriously though, have we ever had a bad Sayid-centric episode of ‘Lost?’ I can’t remember if we did. I think it has something to do with the mad combination of his pretty face and ninja-skills. There’s no one who doesn’t like Sayid.

But what now? Are we left to believe that our favorite redemption seeker is truly a “bad guy?” I don’t want to believe it. At least the writers made sure our beloved John Locke was dead as a doornail before turning him into ‘evil incarnate.’ Yea, yea…stop yelling at me. Sayid technically died, too. But not in the way Locke has died. Sayid is still there-black tank top and all.

However, this morning for some reason, I can’t get a little story out of my head. The story is called The True Story of the Three Little Pigs by Jon Scieszka. It’s a children’s book.

The gist of the story is that, when you hear the story of the three pigs, you’re only getting one side. This book tells the famous story from the point-of-view of the wolf who, as you learn, isn’t so big and bad after all.

“Maybe it’s because of our diet. Hey, it’s not my fault wolves eat cute little animals like bunnies and sheep and pigs. That’s just the way we are. If cheeseburgers were cute, folks would probably think you were Big and Bad too.”

So before we are quick to deem our favorite black tank top a “baddie,” let’s think about whether or not we’re getting the real story. Maybe the man-in-black, aka UnLocke isn’t the bad guy. We have to believe what Dogen says? We have to believe that because Jacob is soft-spoken and wears white that he’s “good?” Lots of famous good guys wear black:

1. Michael Kors: You cannot ever convince me that the American fashion icon and savior of ‘Project Runway’ is bad. EVER.

2. Johnny Cash: So he was a badass and drank too much and did drugs. But, as the saying goes, quiet people rarely make history.

3. My Mom: Seriously, the woman owns very little color. It’s a trademark for her. And, though she will knock someone out if she has to, she hasn’t gone looking for a fight in years.

To Finish Reading Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘Sundown’ Click “Read More…” Below

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