This is the day in which I spend most of my time in my Dame Lair drinking mimosas and avoiding the outside world and its frivolity. Normally I do it simply because I don’t like people in general, but today every Michael Lohan and Spencer Pratt of the world thinks they are extra funny. Being that I am grouchy beast, I usually end up over doing it when it comes to retaliation. You put Nair in one ho’s conditioner after she replaces the cream in your Oreos with toothpaste and you are deemed the bad guy forever.

April Fools Day originated in France. (Once again, the French prove they are sexy but total bitches. I should move there to join these wondrous creatures who are probably my distant relation.) During the 16th-century, King Charles IX tore up the traditional calendar and moved New Year’s from the end of March to January 1 in 1582. This lead to the mocking of those who still celebrate the new year in spring as “fools.” One of the most popular pranks to play was sneaking a paper fish onto an unsuspecting fools’ back and then dubbing him a Poisson d’Avril, or April Fish.

So what did we learn? 1. Don’t mess with my cookies 2. I am probably French 3.The French find paper fish amusing.