Dear ‘Lost’ Fans: Was it just me, or was ‘The Last Recruit’ a connector episode? You know, its main purpose was to set us up for the final four episodes? That’s what it felt like to me.

I will admit that I enjoy episodes that don’t often focus on one particular person. I like that we had some closure, and we got our long awaited Kwon reunion (more on that later).

However, I have to begin this write-up by being completely unprofessional. You see, last night, after a long day working for the Man, I pretty much dragged my good friend, and fellow Lostie, to a rather horrific 4 ½ hour long conference that resulted in him missing an NHL playoff game (Go Wings!) and us being terribly late for ‘Lost’, which, as he learned after his return home, had not been recorded by his DVR. He was not happy. And I owe him as a result. And though I try not to name drop in my write-ups, I am afraid that I have to take this opportunity to let the world know that Scott Ferstle is the bomb. For real.

With that said, let’s quickly run through ‘The Last Recruit.’

We’re on a road to nowhere….

We began this week at Camp Cupcake with UnLocke (UL) and his followers having a chit-chat with the Hurley, Jack, and the cool kids. UL seems to only be speaking to Jack (who wouldn’t?! Hello hot stuff), and asks to speak to him privately to catch up.

Jack brings his gun with him which, sorry baby, isn’t going to help you much versus a monster made of smoke.

So Jack asks some questions that lesser Lost fans (sorry as I know I just offended some people, but really, I want the good stuff) would find answers to most satisfying: Why did you choose Locke? Because he was stupid. OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!!! Oh and Smokey, were you also my dead father that I saw three days after we crashed? Why yes, that was me. Mozeltov.

But big ups to a friend of a friend who, in the midst of a drunken ‘Lost’ conversation on Friday pointed out to me that we have seen Christian Shepherd OFF the island-something that UL has clearly stated to us that he CANNOT do. So, WTF?! Is Christian sometimes UL and sometimes something else? Ugh!

Anyway, UL refers to Locke as a ‘sucker’ which pisses both me and my boo Jack off. End of conversation.

Claire and her wig show up now-totally on purpose- to throw Jack into the “Follow me! You’re my brother! I want my BAY-BEE back,” realm of Claire-crazy. Sell it somewhere else sweetie. Jack’s stocked up. He loves Aaron and the last thing he wants is for that kid to have to be picked up from school by that wig.

Really though, I must comment on how BAD that wig is. Are the creators of ‘Lost’ poor? It’s like ‘Twilight Saga’ wig bad. Horrific. Makes me uncomfortable.

Sawyer has managed to corner Hurley at this point to inform him of the super-secret double play he is running between UL and Widmore. I already know this is going to fail. Sawyer, despite the hotness you seem to behold over Kate’s panties, you are NOT the leader. This plan is going to fall apart. In flames.

I did enjoy that Sawyer told Hurley that Sayid had gone to the dark side thus providing the writers with yet another Hurley loves Star Wars reference. Even Vader was good at the end. Now all we have to do is find Sayid’s illegitimate son whose hand he cutoff and have him come close to death….ok. I digress.

At this point, Kate tries batting here eyes at the Hot Doc but her humpfest is interrupted by Zoe and her walkie talkie. I am utterly confused. Last week she was a weakling and now she’s acting hard and in charge. Anyone else see this difference? So she demands Desmond’s return and BOOM! nearly blows up Camp Cupcake and leaves. Apparently at this point UL declares war.

UL rounds up his troops and asks Sawyer to take a sailboat (Des’s old one) and Kate to meet up at another point. Sawyer, realizing his suckiness I can only assume, let’s the Hot Doc in on his Widmore plan and advises the Doc to bring the cool kids (sorry Claire, not you) to meet at a different check point.

UL takes this opportunity to tell Sayid to kill Desmond which – HELLO- the 40 ft. drop head first down a well didn’t kill him? But Sayid is stopped by Desmond who is BLOODY BRILLIANT and asks him what he plans to tell Nadia about what he had to do to get her back. Brotha, you’re amazeballs.

Sawyer and Kate make it to the boat where Sawyer reveals that the rest (including the “Pilot who looks like he stepped off the set of a Burt Reynolds movie.”) of our Losties will meet them up the shore a little ways, but no Claire. Her wig is too much of a liability.

As the Camp Cupcake crowd makes their way through the jungle, Jack tries his best to pump Claire’s stomach of the Kool Aid she’s bring drinking to no avail. She mutters some stuff about UL not abandoning her. Whatever. UL tries to talk to Sun who is without her English still. While UL is searching for Sayid, Jack snatches the opportunity to take off with the cool kids to meet up with Sawyer. Unfortunately, that wig has radar and Claire follows.

Claire confronts the group and, for a fleeting moment, I was hoping she was going to pop a cap in Kate. But Kate convinces her to join them (stupid, stupid, stupid), and they’re off.

While on the boat Jack, the true leader, has a change of heart and refuses to leave the island or listen to Sawyer. So he bails. Dear Jack-I freakin’ love you. Dear Kate-Jack doesn’t like you anymore. Dear Sawyer- Sit down!

Jack makes it back to the island where UL and the others are already waiting. Widmore’s camp starts bombing the area and, due to his aversion to save the children, UL protects Jack. We know why-he needs him to get off the island and we need him to look hot and beat the crap out of UL in the finale. It’s going to happen people. Deal.

Sawyer, etc. make it to Widmore’s camp where we finally get the reunion of Sun and Jin. Though tired and actually kind of sick of them, I teared up. It was no Des and Penny, but I bought it. It was, however, short lived, as Widmore’s people decided the deal was off and captured them all. Now you wish you’d stuck with Jack, don’t cha?

Off the island, things came together. I don’t want to run through it all chronologically as I am dead on my feet today. So how about a quick summary?

1. Sun and Locke arrive at the hospital at the same time (hem hit by Desmond, she, shot in the belly). She recognizes him.
2. Sun and baby are fine. Happy ending.
3. Desmond stalks Claire to an adoption agency and persuades her to see his lawyer, Ilana (weird, no?) who just so happens to also be the lawyer handling Christian Shepherd’s estate.
4. Which means Jack is there with David to read his dad’s will. He meets Claire, his sister, but is called by the hospital where…
5. Jack operates on Locke and will, inevitably, “fix” him so he can walk again, while his kid child for what I can only imagine will be about 12 hours during the operation.
6. At the precinct, Sawyer has arrested Kate where she calls him out for not wanting anyone to know he’d been to Australia.
7. He’s interrupted by Miles who’s reporting on the deaths of Keamy and his crew and shows him a pic of “the bad guy” who did it-Sayid.
8. Sayid returns to Nadia’s to pack and leave when Miles comes to the door.
9. Trying to sneak out through the back, Sawyer catches him with an awesome garden hose clothes line and arrests him.

That’s it kids. Sorry this is late and likely completely incoherent…I really haven’t slept.