Oh boy. Today might be another day we fight, kittens. Throughout the night (yes, I mean throughout thanks to friends and family members who apparently never sleep), I received TONS of hate emails/texts/Facebook and Twitter posts, all hating the series finale of ‘Lost’.

[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Q and A – Video] ***More Videos of LOST Q and A, Lost Alternate Endings Below!***

And I will tell you something, around midnight last night, I was with you.

But not anymore. I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or my unwavering will to make ‘Lost’ into some kind of mythical being that will live forever (er-added that for you Ferstle). But this morning, right now, I am happy with the way it ended. I am satisfied.

And before you start throwing daggers at me of unanswered questions, well, I think you missed the point of ‘The End.’ Life isn’t about getting all the answers. It’s about making connections and building relationships that help you through those unanswered questions.

And before you start throwing references to ‘The Matrix’ and ‘The Five People You Meet In Heaven’ at me, just stop. Because I know why you’re really disappointed. You’re disappointed because it’s over.

I don’t really know if I can give you a play-by-play recap like I usually do this week. It seems harder, no? Not that it couldn’t be followed, but we moved back and fourth so much that trying to connect it all just seems odd.

What I will do is try my best to focus on things that are important in both the Island World, or as I like to call it now, real life, and Sideways World, or the In-Between. We’re having our first argument aren’t we? You’re going to tell me I have it backwards. Many people this morning are arguing that the island was purgatory. But I disagree. The island is what really happened. Sideways World is what Jack and the others experienced after they died—no matter when that was.

So Kate could’ve lived to be 90 (and the bitch probably did since NOTHING ever finished her off), but she had to come to grips with what happened to her on the island and the people she met there in order to move on.

However, I have to agree with Mr. Jimmy Kimmel on this one, I don’t think the show was ever about Kate. And all you Sawyer fans are now probably poking needles into your Dame Crista voodoo doll, but this show has ALWAYS been about Jack. It started with him, it ended with him, and it couldn’t end until HE let go, until HE was ready to move on.

This is the end, Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes…again –The Doors

In Island World, we begin with Sawyer deciding to leave the group, including the newly appointed Island leader, Jack, in order to find Desmond.

Instead, he finds UnLocke at the well and Ben finds him hiding in the bushes. He informs UL that there aren’t any more candidates. The replacement has been found and then he promptly steals the gun from Ben and gives him a few face punches for old times sake.

Desmond, we learn, has already been rescued by Rose, Bernard, and Vincent who officially has had more to do with this show than Walt. After a spot of tea and a rousing game of cricket, Rose tells Des he’s going to have to leave because she and her hot-mess of a husband (seriously, use a knife to shave that face!), want nothing to do with no one.

But she’s too late as Vincent’s paw prints have led UL and Ben right to their camp where UL vows to cut Rose and Bernie like a Staten Island trick if Des doesn’t go with them.

Des obliges and they leave.

Miles finds Richard and his eyebrows in the middle of the jungle where UL threw him the day before. He’s banged up, but still living because-HELLO-Jacob made sure he couldn’t die. They decide to carry out the plan of blowing up the plane.

While on their way to the plane in a boat, Miles discovers Richard has a gray hair. Obviously, now that Jacob is gone, Richard can age. They also discover Lippids, who should be dead, but is floating in the ocean like a stuck whale. Whatever. This, to me, is what was lame about the finale. Lippids gets hit on the head with a steel door in a submarine that has a hole blown in it while filling with sea water….but he’s alive.

Meanwhile, the first showdown between Jack and UL happens as Kate starts shooting at a mythical creature that she knows can turn into smoke. Kate, you dear, are a douche.

Jack is well aware that they are all going to the same place for the same reason and they decide to go together, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs behind to find their way home.

Badass Jack also emerges at this point (and thank GOD for that, as I have missed him) and lets UL know that he’s going to kill him and, shhhh…..how he’s going to do it will be a surprise. Oh! I love surprises. And I am hoping this surprise involves Jack needs to rip his clothes off. Really, it’s the least they can do for Paula and me.

On their way to Marcellis Wallace’s briefcase (seriously, you should have looked this up after last week…Mom, I am talking to you!), Jack tells Sawyer that he plans to use Desmond as a weapon to kill UL. Makes sense. Not really, but it made me feel smart for 2 seconds to pretend that I did.

After reaching a certain point in the jungle, UL informs everyone that just he, Des, and Jack will continue. Jack agrees and Hurley lets him know that he believes in him. It was sweet. I had to mention it.

To me, there two completely amateur moments in ‘The End.’ This was the first: As the three men reach the light of the island, UL and Jack tie an effing rope around Desmond to lower him down into the cave. WTF?! I saw this shizz already in 1982 when the dwarf lady, Tangina, tied the rope around JoBeth Williams and told her to go into the light to get Carole Anne. That’s right kids. This was TOTALLY stolen from ‘Poltergeist.’ I am fairly certain that, if the light of the island was close to Othersville, Ben would have been sucked into the television.

While Desmond is channeling JoBeth, Miles contacts Ben to let him know their plan. They’re going to leave in the plane. Not blow it up. Bugger off.

Claire, her wig, and her new level of bloated crazy, shows up just in time to start shooting at them. She doesn’t want to go with them. She can’t leave her crazy squirrel baby for her real one. Duh.

Desmond seems pretty stoked about going into the light. He tells Jack he already knows what will happen. He will go into the light and go somewhere else. Like before. Jack can’t even hide the look of “You’re nuts,” but lowers him down anyway.

While lowering Des into Marcellis Wallace’s briefcase, UL and Jack start bickering about the real John Locke. UL gives the old, blah-blah-blah he sucked, and my Hot Doc came back with a little, “You disrespect his memory by wearing his face.” Nice.

Des finally reached the bottom of the waterfall which is clearly the left over set from ‘The Goonies’ complete with the skeleton of Chester Copperpot. I do wonder who’s skeleton it is. No, nevermind, No I don’t.

Desmond walks into the “light” and pulls the literal plug on it. Uh oh. This is when the shizz goes down. Though it wasn’t directly explained, I am inclined to believe that the light on the island is the gateway to the afterlife. It could be heaven, if that’s what you believe.

When Desmond pulled the plug, that portal closed and the gateway to Hell, or whatever you believe, opened. This is what UL wanted. This is why they will die. The island is now falling apart. Whoops. Even my boo makes mistakes.

He’s not mistaken about UL though and decides that now is a good time to beat the piss out of him. Wait! There’s blood coming out of UL’s mouth. Oh snap. The light going out has made them both mortal. While contemplating this, UL hits Jack with a rock. Bitch.

The island is falling apart and manages to trap Ben. How many of you were screaming “Leave him!!!!” along with me?

Jack is alive, but wet, and therefore I am happy.

Miles, Richard, and Lippids start repairing the plane with some conveniently placed sheet metal and a blowtorch. Please.

UL makes it to his ledge and prepares to go down the side of the mountain to his boat. But SUPERJACK shows up and flies through the air to beat the mess out of him. I am not going to lie. Watching these two fight was awesome.

Not awesome, um the part where UL shanked Jack in the side or what happened next:

KATE SHOOTS AND ESSENTIALLY KILLS UNLOCKE.

Total and complete bullsh*t! Please, this whole series has been a battle between Jack and Locke (and UnLocke) and it ends with Kate-someone who managed to be the biggest mother-truckin’ load of a character in the history of television-shooting UL? NO! Ri-goddamn-diculous.

Jack then kicks UL’s body off the cliff, which is quite symbolic of what happened to the real John Locke.

Jack, with his neck-cut, is then reunited with the Sawyer, Hurley, and Ben who apparently got free from the tree. He tells them that he has to undo what Desmond did and wishes Sawyer the best of luck getting off the island.

Alright. Jack and Kate love each other. Gross. I wanted to puke. Whatever. Hurley and Ben decide to stay with Jack, and the three take off for the cave.

Hurley is upset that Jack is going to die. Me too Stay Puff, me too. Before leaving, Jack bestows the protector-ship of the island to Hurley who accepts it reluctantly and asks Ben to serve as his #2.

Naturally, they manage to drop Jack down the hole, but he’s cool. He ties Desmond to the rope and, quoting Desmond himself, tells him he’ll see him another life. He moves the plug back into place but nothing appears to happen.

The island continues to crumble. Jack, defeated, sits crying in the cave. My boo shall not die in vain.

Hurley and Ben pull Desmond out and Hurley realizes that Jack is gone. Watching Hurley cry for Jack was painful, I must admit.

Meanwhile, Lippids gets the plane going and stops in time to let Kate, Sawyer, and Claire with her wig, onto the plane as well. As the ground crumbles, a la ‘2012’, he gets the plane safely into the air.

The water begins to run again in the cave and light starts to shine. Jack is victorious. He’s going to die but both he and I are cool with it. He saved everyone. He fixed things again. ☺

Jack, barley alive, awakens near the bamboo forest. He fights his way into the forest where we first met him. Here, he peacefully lies down, watches the plane as it flies overhead and, knowing he succeeded, closes his eyes forever.

OK. I didn’t cry then. But now I am a bawling mess.

Sideways World….

…hmmm. How to tackle this. Instead of recapping what happened in Sideways World, I would rather just give my theory on what I think it is and how the people played a role in that theory.

First of all, this is just my theory as of right now. I haven’t read anything this morning about the finale, and, aside from Jimmy Kimmel’s special last night, I haven’t watched anything else about it. I would like to issue a disclaimer that I have the right to, at any time, change this theory whenever I feel like it!

Secondly, I would like to let you in on what I viewed to be the second amateur moment of the night: Juliet is David’s mother. What are we, stupid?! Like we didn’t see that one coming.

Sideways World is, for lack of a better term, the In-Between world.

Try to stick with me. Many religious believe that life is a test. Once you have passed that test, you gain entry into the afterlife-heaven or whatever you may believe in. Sideways World was the test. And, when it is time for you to let go, you gain the memory of your real life. In this instance, real life is what happened on the island. This is why all our Losties had these moments of remembrance.

I believe that there was more to their ‘moments’ than we saw. Perhaps, for someone like Sawyer or Kate, what happened to him or her once they left the island.

Also, many religions believe that, once you’ve come to grips with your own death, you are free to move on. Sideways World and the ‘moments’ are the characters coming to grips with their own deaths, whenever that death may have occurred, so they can move on.

Jack is the last to have his moment. Then he joins the rest: Locke, Shannon, Boone, Rose & Bernard, Kate, Sawyer, Juliet, etc. to move on.

Many people are quick to point out that not everyone was there. There are two possibilities.

1. Desmond is, due to my lack of religious knowledge bear with me, an angel. It’s his job to help people reach this point so they may move on. This is why Eloise Hawking was relieved to hear that Daniel wouldn’t be joining them, and why Ana Lucia did not come along either.
2. The people in the sanctuary are the people who were essential to Jack. These were the people that had impacted his life. These are the people he needed to move on. I too am upset that we didn’t see Walt or Mr. Eko, but Jack didn’t need them to move on.

So what about the unanswered questions?

Oh boy. Please don’t hate me for this, but they’re not relevant. This show was not about an island. It wasn’t about a plane crash. This show was about the people that you let into your lives and how those people shape you and change you and help you get through good times and bad.

Why was the Dharma Initiative on the island? Because they were. And, when they got too close to discovering the island’s secret, they had to be destroyed.

Why did Walt have powers? Because he did. He was a special kid. I hate to break it to you, but there are a lot of kids like this…for real.

What were the numbers? They were numbers that may have been used in an equation to help predict the end of the world. But it doesn’t matter.

I think what I learned last night was that NONE of these questions or any other questions really matter. Weird shizz happens all the time, even in our Real Lives. But the weird shizz doesn’t shape whom we are-the people we allow into those lives do.

Thank you for reading this humble little blog. It’s been a pleasure.

Namaste.

[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Q and A – Video]

[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Q and A – Video]

[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Alternate Ending – VIDEO]