Oh boy. I can already sense it this morning ‘Lost’ fans, we’re going to argue…all day. And I am going to try to take the high road and apologize to you in advance, because I already know I am going to say lots of things about ‘The Candidate’ that you are not going to agree with. And some of you are going to post some not-so-nice comments about me after reading this. And that’s OK. That’s why ‘Lost’ is, by far, the best drama ever on television. If watching it doesn’t make run the emotional spectrum, then it has failed to do its job, no?

After watching ‘The Candidate’ last night, I was bombarded with messages, emails, Facebook posts, etc. all ranging from, “OMG! That was AWESOME!!!” to (oh, and ***SPOILER ALERT!), “If I wanted to see people drown I would have watched ‘Titanic!’”

Yes kittens, folks died last night. Were they the people you wanted to die? Probably not. But that isn’t what you should be asking yourself this morning. You should be asking yourself if you’re ready. Are you prepared? Are you ready for this show to come to an end? Have you gotten the answers you wanted? Are your ‘Lost’ mysteries solved? And then I think you will realize that everyone on that damn island could die or live and it wouldn’t matter. Because what you really want is closure, and that my friends, comes at a price.

I’m on a boat mother***ker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat in the deep blue sea…-The Lonely Island

OK. Before you start arguing that I have lost my mind and have no sense of music, The Lonely Island’s ‘I’m On A Boat’ was what started playing in my head when Jack woke up in the canoe. Sorry.

In Island Time (IT), Sayid welcomes Jack to Hyrda Island. When the mortar attack went down on behalf of Widmore’s people, those who survived scattered into the jungle (does this mean we know about the kids? They’re dead? All that wonder since season two/three and now they’re just dead or lost in the jungle forever? Great).

While Jack and Sayid exchange pleasantries, on the other island, Sawyer, Kate, Lippids, etc. have been captured by Widmore and his people and they’re escorting them to the cages where Sawyer and Kate participated in gorilla-style mating rituals. Not happy with the digs, Sawyer manages to steal a gun from “Doughboy” (OK, I may not like Sawyer, but that line was funny), but it has little effect once Widmore puts his pistol in Kate’s neck and reminds Sawyer that he doesn’t need her because she isn’t on the “list.”

At this time, UnLocke (UL) returns to camp trip (himself, Jack, and Sayid) and informs the hot guys that their friends have been captured and they have to save them. Jack agrees but informs UL he has no intention of leave the island. UL is clearly not pleased and threatens Jack with the lives of his friends.

Did you catch it? That gleam in Jack’s eye that said, without speaking, ‘Um, didn’t you say you needed us in order to get off this island? So, why would you kill us?’ YES! This is the moment when my boo had his breakthrough. He knows something is up. It will take him a little while to figure it all out, but he clearly knows that he cannot trust UL.

Back in the cages, Sawyer lets Kate know that her name was crossed off in the cave. She is not needed. I have been saying this since the pilot episode. She’s been kept on this show to serve as T & A only. Jin and Sun use this opportunity to talk about their daughter. Jin reveals that he saw the pics of her and Sun returns his wedding ring. It’s called foreshadowing people. If you didn’t see this one coming, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you should start watching ‘Heroes.’ Is that steaming pile still on TV?

Suddenly, the pylons die and Smokey makes his return. He quickly takes out Doughboy and a few other expendables that, for some dumb reason just stand there shooting at him, while Jack frees the folks in the cage. Jack informs them they are heading for the plane, but he has no intention of getting on it and leaving with them.

UL arrives at the plane first where he easily takes out two more of Widmore’s goons and inspects the plane which, of course, is rigged with a ton of C4. Anyone else notice UL rip the watch off Goon #2’s wrist? I suddenly flashbacked to Keamy’s watch that triggered the blowing of the freighter when his heart stopped beating, did you?

Never mind, instead they all head for the sub to use that as their means of escape. Jack, once again, informs UL that he has no intention of leaving and suddenly, UL is cool with this. Hmmm….Didn’t you say that all had to leave together? And now, now you don’t care if he stays? Definitely something up. And Sawyer, though slow-minded (yea, I said it!), manages to catch on to this. He asks Jack to get UL into the water while the rest of them escape in the sub.

As they reach the sub, it becomes quite predictable that someone, or someoneS are going to bite it. People, there are only three episodes left. What do you expect? People are going to die. People have been dying since season one. This is what happens. Did you expect everyone to sit around a campfire, braiding each other’s hair, and making s’mores? Please.

Widmore’s people open fire on our Losties as they try to get into the sub. Kate is shot (thank GOD!) and UL uses this opportunity to switch backpacks with Jack. OK-here comes another fight between us…..THIS WAS TOO PREDICTABLE!!!! This show has been bad-ass for six years and now, NOW at the end we fall victim to a bag switch-a-roo? This is not amateur hour. The real UL would have convinced crazy Claire to hide that C4 in her wig and take it on board. This, however, was lame and, in this humble bloggers opinion, completely lazy on behalf of the writers.

Jack knocks UL into the water and helps Kate onto the sub. Sawyer goes back for Claire, but sees UL is already out of the water and closes up shop. UL doesn’t care. The C4 is on the sub. He got what he wanted.

I know that many of you are going to post the argument this morning that it appeared as though Jack couldn’t be killed. Could be. He was walking through a hailstorm of bullets and nothing touched him. But does it matter? We already know he will be Jacob’s replacement. So is this really something we need to concern ourselves with?

After realizing his bag has been switched, Jack has the epiphany that he began having at the start of this episode. He has it figured out: UL can’t kill them but needs them all dead in order to leave the island. He needs them to kill each other.

And while my boo tries to explain this, your hot-headed sex machine pulls the wires on the C4 thus speeding up the countdown. Do you see it now? How Sawyer sucks? He’s hot-headed. He doesn’t like being wrong. He can’t listen to others. He’s lame. And yea, he’s pretty much an a-hole.

Sayid sees his chance for redemption. He quickly tells Jack about Desmond, grabs the bomb and informs Jack that, “It’s going to be you,” and takes off like a bat out of hell to the back of the sub where he serves as a martyr. RIP Sayid and the black tank top. You totally bugged out there for a while, but you were a BAMF and you breaking that dude’s neck with your feet will always be the coolest damn thing I have ever seen on television.

As what’s left of the sub fills with water, we see Lippids knocked out (hasta luego Frank!), Jack tells Hurley to take Kate (can’t she just be dead already?), and Sun finds herself trapped beneath some metal railing. Sawyer, Jack, and Jin work like madmen to free her, and Sawyer (of course), gets knocked out in the process.

Seeing it’s hopeless, Jin convinces Jack to leave with Sawyer. He will stay with Sun. She begs Jin to go, but he refuses to leave. And yes, they die…together. Very dramatically. They love one another, he cannot leave her….I get it.

Now there are three groups of people out there this morning. Group One is team Ji Yeon (the Kwon daughter). My mom is on this team. She was texting me like mad telling me that, “THE DAUGHTER IS THE KWON ON THE LIST!!!!” No. No she’s not. One of them was and now they’re dead. Let it go. No Kwon will replace Jacob. I am sorry. And as for the, “Why didn’t she tell Jin to leave and take care of their daughter?!” people, well….sometimes when two people love each other very much, one cannot exist without the other. I know. It’s very Edward and Bella, and kind of makes me want to puke.

Group #2 are the sad people. These are the people who are mad and sad and cried and are saying the episode was awful and terrible and blah blah blah…..Get over it. We have known people were going to die. And don’t try to tell me you that you are only sad because it was the Kwons who bit it. Because something tells me that, in season one, you were the one cheering Sun on when she was banging the bald guy behind Jin’s back. Oh yea. I went there. I remember that. So move on.

And there’s me and group #3. We get it. We’re done. We’re sad, sure, but we aren’t Charlie and “Not Penny’s Boat” sad. We already cried when we spent half a season wondering if Jin blew up on the freighter. And we’re also the ones who realized that whole moment in the cage between them foreshadowed this. We’re more pissed that Kate is somehow still alive.

Speaking of which-am I having a false memory, or didn’t Hurley once tell us that he can’t swim? If so, I am curious to know how he dragged his big ass and Kate, who has been shot in the arm, from a half exploded submarine to the surface without a problem.

Jack also made it to land with Sawyer (whom he SAVED people, though I doubt Sawyer would have done the same). Though Kate is hysterical, and Hurley begins to cry when he learns that Sun and Jin didn’t make it, it was Jack’s emotional breakdown that got me. And here’s why: I don’t think he was crying about the lives that we lost per se, I think he’s crying because he knows the others have to die. He has to try to figure out how to get them off the island before they’re dead. My Boo has a lot on his big, manly shoulders right now.

I’ll make you a deal, like any other candidate
We’ll pretend we’re walking home ’cause your future’s at stake. -David Bowie

In Sideways World this week, we begin with the Hot Doc waking up his patient John Locke. He informs Locke that his Dural Sac ruptured (this was the same thing that Jack had to fix on a woman in Island World). He informs Locke that he’s an excellent candidate for a new procedure with minimum risk that could get him walking again. Locke refuses.

Peg Bundy, I mean Helen, arrives then and showers both John and Jack with affection.

Because Sideways World Jack is still Jack, he becomes obsessed with “fixing” Locke and sets out to learn why he refuses to let Jack fix him. My guess is Locke is embarrassed to have such a hot dude see him nude. But I could be wrong.

Jack arrives at Bernard’s dentist office as it was Bernard who worked on Locke following ‘an accident.’ I am not going to lie. I kinda missed Bernard.

Bernard quickly recognizes Jack from flight 815 and lets him know the name of the man he treated along with Locke: Anthony Cooper. Tah-dow! And before Jack leaves, Bernard tells him he hopes he finds what he’s looking for. I hope it’s me.

Jack then arrives at Shady Pines Retirement Village (huge shout out to those of you that know that reference) where he bumps into Helen. Helen, though hesitant at first, introduces him to Anthony Cooper who, in sideways world, is a vegetable and not (at least now) a bad-ass con man. She has to wipe away his drool for crying out loud.

Two things: 1. I am probably a cold-hearted bitch, but I kind of got a kick out AC being a veggie. Despite this being Sideways World, Sawyer is still looking for AC as he’s the man who conned his parents which led to the murder/suicide of his mom and dad. He’s still a creep. And 2. This is another predictable moment. Obviously Locke is responsible for whatever made AC like this and sees his being in a wheelchair as his penance for that. Boo. Stop being all lazy writers. This isn’t 8th grade. It’s the big league!

Jack returns to the hospital where Locke is sleeping and having an obvious dream about the island and pushing the button. Jack doesn’t hang around to hear about it though as he spots Claire looking for him. Jack buys an Apollo Bar (yum) and Claire asks him if he knows anything about a music box that their father left her in his will. He doesn’t, so she opens it. All that’s inside is a mirror showing their reflection. More with the mirrors. I don’t get it. I am sure it has something to do with things being flipped or backwards or reflecting, but I am done theorizing at this point.

Claire asks about Christian’s death and this leads Jack to realize they too were on Oceanic flight 815. Now he knows something is up. Him, Claire, Bernard, Locke…all on the same flight? Jack then invites Claire to come and stay with him since they’re family.

As Locke leaves the hospital, he sees Jin bringing lovely flowers to Sun. They exchange a glance-and let’s not forget that, as she was being wheeled into the hospital, Sun recognized Locke.

Jack stops Locke and tells him he went to see Anthony Cooper which leads Locke to spill the beans about what really happened. Locke had just gotten his pilot’s license and, though he was afraid to fly, his dad agreed to be his first passenger. The plane crashed and done and done.

Jack seizes this opportunity to remind Locke of what he told him-that his father was gone and that Locke’s father is also, that punishing himself won’t save his father. Whatever happened, happened, just let it go.

And then he parts with Locke by saying, “I wish you’d believe me.” AWESOME. In Sideways World the two men’s roles are completely switched. Like a reflection in a mirror? NO! I am NOT theorizing!!!! Make it STOP!!!!!