The Next Food Network Star: Recap and Spoilers

Well Kittens, we are a far cry from ‘Lost,’ but when the good folks at Food Network asked little old me to write a weekly recap of ‘The Next Food Network Star,’ I could hardly resist. Especially since some of those guys are super cute.

Unfortunately, I missed week one. It’s sitting there patiently on my DVR, waiting for me to watch. But I entered a Stoli coma this weekend and emerged just in time for last night’s new episode: Sweet to Savory Carnival.

We started out with a recap of last week’s show. Apparently, we didn’t miss much. Some guy named Alexis was voted off and my hometown favorite, Das, was on the chopping block. Now, you’re all caught up.

Next, Giada informs the gang that they’re each taking a step from her vegetable lasagna receipe and completing it while being filmed. AND SOME OF THEM GO NUTS (I’m talking to you Doreen). Really? I mean, you are on ‘The Next Food Network Star’ and you’re overcome by the idea of having to cook while telling people what you’re doing while being filmed? Gotcha.

Everyone pretty much stinks at this, with the exception of Herb who seems like a pretty normal person. This, however, will likely change at some point. I know how these reality shows work, whomever looks normal in the beginning ends up using someone’s toothbrush to clean the toilet.

The only words of real wisdom that are offered are to Aarti who is told that her two sides are battling. At this point, I wish those two side would battle to the death so I have something more exciting to watch.

Apparently, there is no point to this challenge as no one is voted-off/wins immunity/gets a free chicken-NADA.

Enter Duff Goldman who is the celebrity chef this week. He introduces the challenge: take a carnival staple and revamp it…or something.

Each contestant then received his/her assignment from the Zoltar Machine (oh Tom Hanks in ‘Big,’ I miss you). And off they go to create a twist on everything from caramel corn to candied apples.

Each contestant gets $300 to spend in 45 minutes. If this was The Dame and I, we would be done in 20 and each have a complete ensemble.

Everyone scrambles around the kitchen making food I have never heard of (seriously, can no one make sloppy joe’s?) and Aria leaves her balls behind. Ha. This was probably my favorite part.

Next they have to present their concoctions to Duff’s 100 friends-who are obviously random people picked up off the Santa Monica Boardwalk. Long story short, Paul offends people by calling them ‘honey’ (side note, I did the same when I interviewed for the Dame and was hired on the spot), Brianna is mean, and Dzrinda has no clue what’s going on.

The judges go through everyone’s performance and all is to be expected. Unfortunately, the one uber-cutie, Brad, burned his peanuts and didn’t do so well.

[Dear Brad: I have no problem with your burned peanuts. At all. Call me ]

In the end, Aarti wins, despite her lack of confidence and Doreen is out, despite the fact that Dzrinda will literally make me poke myself in the eye.

So what did you think Kittens? Did Doreen deserve to be voted off this week simply because she couldn’t find her niche in the world of celebrity cooking? Are they keeping Dzrinda around on purpose, or does she really show promise?