Greetings fellow Gleeks! It’s been too long, hasn’t it? I am sure you, like me, spent this summer in full-on ‘Glee’ withdrawal and spent most of the day yesterday warming up your vocal chords while singing into your hairbrushes in your office bathroom (I was definitely doing the ‘Glee’ rendition of ‘Poker Face’ most of the day) in anticipation of the return of ‘Glee!’
First off, I should begin by letting you know that I was slightly disappointed in ‘Audition,’ season two’s first episode of ‘Glee.’ I didn’t exactly dig all the songs and, with a few exceptions, I felt that everything was being crammed together while obviously overlooking some of the more important storylines (um…as in Will and Emma?). Do you agree?
Click HERE for a video sneak peek of Glee’s Britney Spears Themed episode…
However, I did TOTALLY fall into Gleekness with Jacob Ben Israel who is, by far, the best and most over-looked character on the show. We were introduced to Jacob last year and his yearning desire for Rachel and her panties. But now, Jacob has taken his blog to the streets where he opened the second season giving us a recap of ‘Glee’s Big Gay Summer.’ Amazeballs, no? I had to pause it I was laughing so hard at that…and his dreidel microphone.
We catch up with Finn and Rachel, whose relationship is still going strong despite the fact that s he, according to Finn, is a “controllist.” Seriously, Cory Monteith is about the cutest thing on television. Coming in second then, would be a mohakless Puck who spent his summer getting a vasectomy (it was the right thing to do, according to him) while pinning for Quinn. As for the former head cheerleader, she appears to have quickly lost the baby weight and is now significantly less hormonal…according to her anyway. Santana spent her summer like most 16 year-old girls-getting her boobs done while poor Brittany was lost in the sewer. No sweat, everyone thought she was on vacation. Probably the most disheartening event that took place is that Artie, after gluing himself of hours upon hours of Halo (let that be a warning to all you boys out there), was dumped by Tina who has now moved onto Mike, or as we know him, the other Asian. This really made me sad. For real. Artie and Tina were like those two kids you went to high school with: the ones who really dug one another who are still married today while you’re standing back shaking your head. *Tears*
We also find out that the students at McKinley high seem think that New Directions is borrowing their songs from a “drag queen’s iPod,” and now Mr. Shuester is in the hot seat trying to find a way to get new recruits for the club (they’ve lost Matt to a “transfer” situation) while keeping things fresh. Poor Matt. Really, that guy got no love.
After Kurt takes a slushy to the face, we see our favorite villain Sue as she and Will are called to Figgins’ office where they not only learn their respective budgets have been slashed by 10%, but that it was done to appease the new football coach, MISS BIESTE. OK kids, debate time. I purposefully did NOT look up the name of the actor playing Coach Bieste because I am trying to figure out if it’s really the same guy that played Ken Tenaka. Some of my friends are even insisting that it’s actually a woman. HELP! What do you think?
Sue delivers some classic lines that The Dame herself reported to you yesterday (CLICK HERE to read them), only to be challenged by Bieste’s “A steer with six teets and no oink” comment that not only left me on the floor cracking up, but seems to have stumped the unmovable Sue Sylvester.
New Directions decides to take matters into their own hands and find recruits via a song and dance fest in the middle of the school courtyard. We get a little Jay-Z (THANK GOD!!! This Dame loves Hov!) but it does little as the majority of the student body lets it go unnoticed.
Sue and Will realize that they will have to work together in order to put an end to Coach Bieste, who starts the first football practice by cutting everyone and making them tryout again. Sue and Will decide to order 25 pizzas in her name which, after the delivery guy states his baby will have to reuse her Pampers (f’ing classic Glee writing right there) for the week, she buys knowing Will and Sue set her up. She even offers them a slice. This chick/man/person is pretty badass.
While hanging flyers to join Glee Club, Rachel runs into foreign exchange student Sunshine Corazon who, like all high school girls do, breaks out into Lady Gaga while fixing her hair in the john. Rachel is pissed due to the fact that Sunshine can really sing and vows not to let her steal her spotlight. As a result, Rachel provides Sunshine with the wrong directions to tryouts. Crackhouses in Lima, Ohio are pretty cool, I am sure.
Next we find out that Artie was dumped by Tina while she and Mike were at Asian Camp (I loved all the Asian references in this episode. Glee is so awesome when it comes to poking fun at stereotypes!). As a result, Artie gets it into his head that, if he can join the football team, he will gain a set of abs and win Tina back. Unfortunately, he seems to forget that he doesn’t have a set of functioning legs.
He gets support from Finn who, as we all know, is about as bright as 3:00 AM. However, their plan backfires when Coach Bieste, more likely due to a fit of selfishness, kicks Finn off the team for suggesting Artie get to tryout. Poor Finn.
In the meantime, the guys ask a new kid trying out for football to join New Directions. He’s cute in a Beiber way, and the boys enjoy making fun of how big his mouth is. How many of you died when he told Puck he’s never had any balls in his mouth?!? I wish I could write that stuff!
Anyway, he sings ‘Billionaire’ which only reminds me how much I hate that song.
Despite their efforts to get him to join, he is a no show for tryouts…as is everyone else.
Quinn reclaims her helm as head Cheerio while Santana, now known as ‘Boobs McGee’ is demoted to the bottom of the pyramid for having herself, um, enhanced. She and Quinn have an all out bitch fight over it too. I liked this fight, for real. Probably the most realistic fight ever on Glee. Name calling, hair pulling, slapping…good stuff.
Trying to reclaim any cool he has remaining, Finn decides to try out for the Cheerios as well. However, even Snap’s ‘I Got The Power’ couldn’t save him from looking like a complete idiot.
The Asians find out that Rachel sabotaged Sunshine and they let her tryout for New Directions where she puts a hurtin’ on ‘Listen.’
Will has a change of heart and offers a truce with Coach Bieste. This, obviously, pisses off Sue who, after presenting Bieste with dog poop cookies (It’s the flaxseed!), calls Vocal Adrenaline’s new coach who gives Sunshine’s family green cards and a condo and snatches her away from New Directions. Good job Rachel.
Next week kittens, we get the much anticipated Britney episode. As someone who fancies herself a master Spears Karaoke artist, I am tingling for this one. CAN’T WAIT!!!!
