This is why I love Cher. Her displays of oratorical fireworks never cease to make me giggle and jump up and down with glee and nod in agreement. She doesn’t disappoint with her interview for Vanity Fair…

Cher on Chaz: “If I woke up tomorrow in a guy’s body, I would just kick and scream and cry and f**king rob a bank, because I cannot see myself as anything but who I am—a girl. I would not take it as well as Chaz has. I couldn’t imagine it. She’s a very smart girl—boy! This is where I get into trouble. My pronouns are fucked. I still don’t remember to call her ‘him.’”

Cher on her family and drugs: “It’s weird, because both of my children had the same drug problems as their fathers—same drug of choice. My father was a heroin addict, and my sister’s father was an alcoholic. But it jumped us… I didn’t not do drugs because of moral issues. I tried a couple of drugs, but I never felt good out of control. I have the constitution of a fruit fly. I can’t do coffee, but I can do Dr Pepper.”

Cher on aging: “I think Meryl Streep is doing it great. The stupid bitch is doing it better than all of us! But I don’t like it. It’s getting in my way. I have a job to do, and it’s making my job harder. I’ve been screaming at the top of my lungs at my family, ‘Work out! Work out! Old age is coming!’ At some point you will need the strength. Who would have ever thought you would get this old?”

Cher’s view on taxes: “I would be willing to pay a lot more taxes, because I make a lot more money, but I don’t want to give them more to just f**k things up more. It really should fall on people like me to get together and do things to help the people in this country. If you’re not worrying about how to put food on your table, you [should be] worrying about why other people don’t have food on their table. I remember a great America where we made everything. There was a time when the only thing you got from Japan was a really bad cheap transistor radio that some aunt gave you for Christmas.”

Cher on Sarah Palin: “I got so obsessed with [C-SPAN] that it was kind of interfering with my life. Sarah Palin came on, and I thought, Oh, f**k, this is the end. Because a dumb woman is a dumb woman.”

Cher on Arizona governor, Jan Brewer: “She was worse than Sarah Palin, if that is possible. This woman was like a deer in headlights. She’s got a handle on the services of the state, and I would not let her handle the remote control.”

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