Robert Pattinson Will NOT Answer Any Kristen Stewart Questions on GMA

In case you were camping in front of your tv waiting for Robert Pattinson to appear on ‘Good Morning America’ and talk about that trampire, Kristen Stewart, you can pack up your s’mores kit and go about consoling your life sized cardboard cut of Rob as usual.

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Justin Bieber Jokes About Prince Williams Hair

Justin Bieber is a result the naughty corner generation. (FYI-When I pulled stunts like this brat does on a daily basis, I got my ass handed to me then put in the corner and look at me now! Ok, bad example but my friends with children are bringing smack bottoms back and I while I don’t endorse child abuse, I do endorse kids with manners and let me tell you their kids remember please, thank you and pardon me.) So, when Justin Bieber opened his whine-hole and let out a “joke” about Prince Williams thinning hair, those of us who have professed our virginity to the toddler on a p0ower trip shook our heads in disgust.

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On the Rocks, On the Edge, In the Gym: Blind Items

“This B/C list celebrity couple’s marriage is on the rocks. They are spending more time together to try and reforge their marriage, but he is too focused on his career and sexting a flight attendant he hooked up with a couple of times. Since he was caught cheating, the couple have been taking pricey vacations together on his dime. She is now carrying all the power in the relationship and calling the shots.” [Hollywood Dame]

Click HERE to see last week’s blind item REVEAL…

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Sharon Osbourne Quits ‘America’s Got Talent’

Sharon Osbourne has a special place in my little no-heart. I am not sure if it’s her profanity laced vocabulary or her ability to translate any situation into a need for her profanity laced vocabulary. Either way, I will lift my hand and scream F**KING INJUSTICE! with her.

NBC got a buggeration from Sharon stating that she was quitting their radge pot and thinks they are a bunch of scat queens who deserve a good belt ‘round the mush after her son, Jack, was fired from an upcoming show. The peacock network axed the Osbourne shortly after he confirmed that he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. NBC feared he wouldn’t be able to keep up with the physical demands of a their new celebrity reality show, ‘Stars Earn Stripes.’ Famous folks all compete to earn their “stripes” by in military training exercises.

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Elton John: Madonna is a F**king Fairground Stripper – VIDEO

It’s like the on-again-off-again feud between Elton John and Madonna continues. John was mad that Madge statue snatched him at the Golden Globes for Best Song and had lots of colorful things to say about her. Click HERE for a refresher on that…

He is still pissy and Molly Meldrum managed to twist Elton’s arm into saying what he really feels about Madonna by mentioning her name.

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Robert Pattinson is Missing ?!

Clutch your Twilight covered pillows and weep onto the shoulder of your cardboard cutout of Sparklepants. Robert Pattinson is missing!

Now take a deep breath. His MIA status is actually a good thing. He has finally found some peace and hidden himself away from the prying eyes of the media. Can’t blame him. When your girlfriend is getting the icing licked of her cupcake in a parking lot with some married director who doesn’t even tip a 4 on the hotness scales and is Quasimodo compared to your magical unicorn mane…life sucks.

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Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Talking Plus Scientology/ Twilight Rumors

Sparklewatch continues…

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are Talking – According to Star, Rob is finally pealing himself off Reese Witherspoon’s Turkish rug located in her $7 million mansion and functioning again. After Kristen has been calling and texting, Rob has broken down and started answering her calls. A source told People that while they are talking, it is very unlikely that he will forgive her. I will go ahead and point the finger to all those Twilight Blind Items that basically has every member in the cast hooking up with each other…

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Andrew Garfield and Robert Pattinson ‘Hate Each Other’ ?!

Good ol’ Us Weekly is running with a story that Andrew Garfield and Robert Pattinson immediately turn into Pretty Pretty Princesses trying to weave snatch each other when they enter the same room. According to their report, they were both at Kevin Turen’s wedding and…gasp…ignored each other.

SWEET BABY JESUS! Alert the church elders! What kind of world do we live in where to famous people don’t immediately call for a time out during a wedding, glide across the room, embrace each other and say, “HEY YOU ARE FAMOUS TOO! OH MAH GAWD WE HAVE SO MUCH MONEY! LETS BE BEST FRIENDS 4-EVA!“???

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Tom Cruise is a Straight Up Ladies Man

…and I am Queen of Magical Ponies that crap cotton candy and can recite the every element on the periodic table while juggling watermelons.

Here is a little diddy that Page Six is running with. It makes Tom Cruise out to be a bit of a suave ladies man that also gives a congratulatory wank on his acting abilities. In fear of his space sheep trying to eat my brains or force me to wear paisley, I will pretend that the “source” isn’t Tom disguising his voice with hanky and that terrible accent from ‘Far and Away.’

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Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise Divorce Settlement

We all thought we were going to witness a long, drawn out celebrity throw down in which Tom Cruise would go all Hunger Games on Katie Holmes. That isn’t going to happen as they have already reached a divorce settlement.

The settlement came as fast as the divorce announcement itself. That raises eyebrows, but the details may be even more revealing…

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