Celebrity Health

The Situation is in Rehab

March 22, 2012 By Cara Harrington Leave a Comment

Or as the worst rep in the world says, “He has spent the past several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule.” You know, because getting paid to sleep until noon after drinking a Big Gulp of tequila and banging every skank who is dumb/drunk enough to spread while thinking about Vinny is exhausting.

I am sure this “undisclosed location” (rehab) for “rest and recuperation” (rehab) has nothing to do with using his nostrils as a coke vacuum. According to what we are supposed to believe is a statement concocted by The Situation himself, he has a pain pill addiction…

Gallagher is in a Coma

March 16, 2012 By Cara Harrington Leave a Comment

Watermelons are a little bit safer, but we are a little bit sadder. The wielder of the ‘Sledge-O-Matic’ has suffered his second heart attack on Wednesday.

Gallagher is currently in a medically induced coma in Texas. The comedian had a heart attack just before a performance in Lewisville. He was due to take the stage at Hat Tricks club, but started having chest pains. He was rushed to the hospital were doctors put him in the coma for precautionary measures.

Ashley Judd is on Steroids – PHOTOS

March 16, 2012 By Cara Harrington Leave a Comment

Ashley Judd is looking a little puffy lately and, being that we all have nothing better to do than point our cheese doodle dust covered fingers at other people’s imperfections, everyone thought she some botched plastic surgery ESCANDALO.

Gillian Anderson Was A High School Lesbian

March 15, 2012 By Cara Harrington Leave a Comment

Every high school has their token stereotypes. Why, in my day I had to spend a Saturday morning detention with the brainy nerd, a ginger athlete, a basket case in dire need of Head & Shoulders, a ginger Princess and criminal who can rock a jean jacket. We got into some wacky situations before having an emotional meeting of the minds that gave us a common thread to bond over despite our social caste. In the end the ginger princess fell for the jean jacket bad boy, the basket case got a makeover and the ginger athlete went on to coach a kid’s hockey league. Good times. Or maybe that was ‘The Breakfast Club.’

Anyway, Gillian Anderson was the girl in your class that was a lesbian for awhile, but decided to quit the cooch for a trunk driver named Slick Rick With A Big Rig…

Lindsay Lohan Hit Someone…With Her CAR

March 14, 2012 By Cara Harrington Leave a Comment

Because we are shameless gossip mongers, we’d love this daily Lindsay Lohan Did Something Unsurprisingly Stupid Shiz update to be juicier than it is.

Lindsay was behind the wheel of her Porsche (well, there’s your problem) and hit the manager of a Hookah Lounge while trying to pull a U-turn. She was leaving the Sayers Club in L.A. shortly after midnight, because she hates going out and partying now, when paparazzi scared her and somehow caused her to hit a pedestrian.

Mommy Tuck, Relapse, Experimenting Actor – Blind Items

March 14, 2012 By Cara Harrington 1 Comment

“This celebrity mom-to-be is treating her body like a garbage disposal. She is unashamedly eating anything and everything she wants. The weight gain is already obvious, but it’s all part of her plan. She has already inked a deal with a weight loss company and will be sporting a slim and trim post baby body before you can say deep fried Twinkie. However, the secret of her incredible pound shedding will be plastic surgery, not diet and exercise. Right now she and her manager are deciding whether or not to add a breast reduction to the lipo and tuck procedures. News that she is in labor will hit soon, but it’s actually a scheduled c-section.” [Hollywood Dame]

Goldie Hawn Drunken Grandma – PHOTOS

March 8, 2012 By Cara Harrington 2 Comments

All that is missing from this is toilet paper trailing off of her shoe. It’s a bit like looking into a crystal ball of my future. Goldie Hawn may be a grandma, but that doesn’t stop her from getting tanked at her own Hawn Foundation Private Launch Party. (Who am I kidding? No one in their right mind would put me in charge of a child. Of course, Snooki is allowed to procreate…)

Snooki IS Pregnant

February 29, 2012 By Cara Harrington 2 Comments

Along with being dressed by the ghastly tacky clearance bin at Big Lots, Snooki is reportedly pregnant. This rumor has flown around hair salons in Jersey many times, but she denied it while on a radio show a few weeks ago. Enter the New York Post. A source insists that she is pregnant and has been hiding the baby because she just scored a spinoff with MTV. Being that her show is based on getting drunk, flashing your bagina for club entry and closing out the night by making out with 6 different people and spending the morning trying to figure out how Old Dirty Bastard ended up in your bath tub while scrubbing the puke out of your gigantic furry boots… a baby is going to be hard to work into the plot and still retain any amount of believability. Is the world ready for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome reality tv?

Jennifer Garner Gave Birth to a Boy!

February 29, 2012 By Cara Harrington Leave a Comment

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are now the proud parents of a little boy. The couple already have two children, Seraphina and Violet.

Gerard Butler is in Rehab

February 24, 2012 By Cara Harrington Leave a Comment

Gerard Butler has a fondness for prescription drugs and booze. In related news, water is wet.

The Butler is currently in rehab at the Betty Ford Center. He tried to slip in and quietly battle his addiction to pain pills, but TMZ discovered that he has been getting treatment. He reportedly spent 3 weeks in rehab for prescription drugs and cocaine.