The lovely team at Celebitchy featured the National Enquirer story that delves into who is gay in Hollywood. With reasoning like “he played a homosexual in a movie” and “he likes to dance” as their evidence of being a closeted gay…you can imagine how much this amuses me.

I only be but a humble a blogger (you have to say it like a pirate), but their list is laughable. Come…giggle with me:

*Zac Efron : The tabloid claims that because he is big into musicals, dancing and singing…this makes him gay. He has been dating his co-star, Vanessa Hudgens, for years and they claim she is a contractual beard.

*Selma Blair: This from ‘Cruel Intentions’ is their biggest backing along with a failed marriage.

*Courtney Love: Gay, straight…whatever she is isn’t what interests me. It’s who is willing to stick their naught parts near her claws that is the real question.

*Lance Armstrong: This stemmed from the time he was hanging out with Matthew McConaughey and Jake Gyllenhaal while wearing coordinating outfits and doing beach workouts together. He has several children and an even longer list of ladies he has bedded.

*Tommy Lee: Here we have a man slut who strikes me as the type to poke anything pretty with a pulse.

*Sienna Miller: Really? She is like penis magnet. Married…unmarried…English..Welsh… I am pretty sure to be a lesbian you can’t have a peen fetish.

*Anderson Cooper: Probably because he and his boyfriend have been photographed together?

*Ryan Seacrest: WHAT?!? No way! He dated Teri Hatcher for an entire day! (Please note sarcasm.)

*Colin Farrell: Again… with the logic of: he did a gay sex scene in film and thusly he is gay. He is also a huge supporter of the gay community and that is probably due to the fact his brother is gay. He actually just attended his bro’s wedding a few weeks ago.

*Hugh Jackman: He is one multi-faceted man. Jackman can grab some hair gel and become Wolverine one minute and the next he is singing show tunes with Beyonce while wearing gold lame pants. He is also married with several adopted children.

*Kevin Spacey : This I believe. My gaydar goes on red alert upon seeing him, but more importantly is the fact he has been seen in the notorious gay cruising area in London on several occasions. He even claimed he was “mugged” in the area at 4:30 in the morning. Photos of him de-panting a young man on his lap don’t help either. (See below by clicking “Read More…” at the bottom.)

*Alex Trebeck: Been married twice and is claimed to be a bit of a womanizer. Maybe it’s a bluff. Maybe I don’t care.

*Tyra Banks & Kimora Lee Simmons: They both get the tag because they have jobs related to fashion.

*Adam Lambert: Obviously…he came out as preferring the company of men in Rolling Stone.

*Neil Patrick Harris: Umm…he is openly gay so I am not sure why they feel they needed to out someone who is already out and more flamboyant that Elton John’s fanny pack. Regardless…I adore him and I give him accolades for being so damn adorable.

*Megan Fox : Obviously this ho will spread for male, female and manimal if it gets her some attention.

*Vin Diesel : He has stated that he wanted to only “date in Europe” because they know about the “code of silence.” Vin has been dating Paloma Jimenez for years. He has a daughter who was born on April 2, 2008. But having babies and beards doesn’t always equal a straight man.

*Cher : Here we have one of the reigning queens of the gay icons. Her fan base is stereotypically gay. Her daughter, formerly Chastity now Chaz, stepped out as gay and is currently undergoing a sex change.

*Kirstie Alley : The Enquirier states that she is chubby and hasn’t been in any kind of relationship outside of cheeseburger loving in years. She is an outspoken Scientologist and they aren’t very gay friendly so maybe she isn’t gay or straight…maybe she is Clay Aiken-ish.

*Barry Manilow : Well…he was once married 1964 to Susan Deixler, but the wedding was annulled in 1965. Since then he has enjoyed the company of young buff men.

*Pink: She is buff and has the image of a tranny, but her marriage to Carey Hart seems legit.

*Drew Barrymore: During interviews she isn’t afraid to talk about how much she likes boobies and women’s bodies. It may land her in the maybe category, but Drew strikes me as the type to marry a sex toy and call it good.

*Jamie Foxx: His arrogance may land him in the catty queen category, but the gay rumors were started by a woman he dumped.

*Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Dude lives alone and plays video games all day so in the eyes of the Enquirer, he is gay. If that logic is true, then every single male in the world is homo too.

*Kate Moss: Cokey loves her some 3somes and orgies so I think it’s safe to say she’d hump anything with pulse.

*Robert Pattinson: He once made a joke that he was gay and played a gay man in the movie ‘Little Ashes.’

Notice some of the bigger names that have the gay connotation? Jake Gyllenhaal is a favorite of gay speculation but, as Celebitchy pointed out, he among a few others are noticeably missing. So before you pay $2.95 for the scoop on who is gay in Hollywood remember that the logic behind their assumption. If one is gay for playing a gay man then Robert Downey Jr. is actually Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes…Julia Roberts is actually a hooker and Will Smith has saved the planet from aliens on several occasions.

To See the Photos of Kevin Spacey Pulling Down Another Man’s Pants Click “Read More…”

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