Johnny Depp Sexier Than Robert Pattinson?

robert-pattinson-belly-peek-a-boo-1

Esquire Magazine has released their ‘Sexiest Stars’ of all time and topping the list for the males this year is not who you think.

It seems that the folks over at Empire have a thing for pirates and not vampires like the rest of the lust-filled world. Johnny Depp took the top spot leaving poor Robert Pattinson in the sloppy seconds position.

Calm down Twi-Hards!!! I know you’re launching your boycott of Esquire as we speak, but it’s OK. You’ll get your Sparklepants fill in four short weeks.

Via The Examiner:

“Johnny Depp was paired with Megan Fox at the top of Empire magazine’s ‘Sexiest’ poll, Fox beating out Jolie for the female category and Depp taking over Pattinson for #1 sexiest male.
The Pirates Of The Caribbean star was no match for sexy R.Patz, who settled in at second place over Robert Downey, Jr.

Honestly? Megan Fox over Angelina Jolie? Over Angela Lansbury for that matter? She’s made like three compeltely terrible movies. And Robert Downy Jr. over Brad Pitt? Of all time?!? Am I the only person who remembers what Iron Man looked like in the 1980′s?

Note by The Dame: Yes Twihards. I know the photo of Robert shirtless is a photoshopped creation, but I figured I would post it for funsies.

[Keep Clicking Thumbnails for a Larger Image]

Images Via: WENN

Megan Fox Killed Off in Next ‘Transformers’ Thanks to Crazy Diva Behavior

megan-fox-killed-off-in-transformers-1

Megan Fox, best known for her tattoos, ungracious nudity, poor acting, and even worse taste in men, may be losing her bread and butter.

Various sources are reporting that Fox is being cut from the third installment of the Transformers films due to her recent rant against director Michael Bay (if you forgot Fox comparing Bay to Hitler, click here for a refresher).

Via PopCrunch:

“Movie industry insiders tell In Touch Weekly, Michael is considering writing Megan out of the series in a gory death scene in the first few frames of Transformers 3 and replacing with another gorgeous young actress.

‘Michael’s pretty much discovered Megan and now he’s very quietly looking for her replacement,’ the source spilled. ‘He hasn’t decided if he’s going to kill her off in the next movie, but he just wants to be prepared.’”

However, before you pervs who care little about the craft of acting start sending us Twilight stayle hate-mail, Fox’s rep is denying the that the actress is on the chopping block.

Via Star Pulse:

“Movie bosses have confirmed the stars will return to film another robot movie, which is due for release in 2011, but rumors have swirled that Fox’s role in the next film will be reduced following a disagreement with director Michael Bay – with internet gossips speculating about a possible death scene.

But a representative for the actress has dismissed rumors her character will be killed off in the third Transformers installment, telling GossipCop.com the reports are ‘not true.’”

One must remember that this rep is banking on Fox staying with this franchise on account of her acting is about as good as my chances of making out with Ryan Gosling while Robert Pattinson feeds me grapes, rubs my feet, and bakes me cookies.

[Keep Clicking Thumbnails for a Larger Image]

Images Via: wenn.com

Kelly Osbourne and Megan Fox in Playboy

kelly-osbourne-for-playboy-1megan-fox-for-playboy-1

Take it with a grain of proverbial salt. Hugh Hefner has been after Megan Fox for his nudey magazine for awhile. While having a bit of a chat, he and his Klingon hoes mentioned they wanted Fox and Kelly Osbourne for Playboy.

Per E! :

Hef simply says, “Megan is a fox.” The 83-year-old media tycoon’s new Girls Next Door—Crystal Harris, 23, and 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon—agree, but they’re just as hot for the looking-better-than-ever Kelly Osbourne…

“She’s losing weight and she’s blond now,” Crystal said of Ozzy and Sharon’s younger daughter. “She looks good. I want to see what she looks like naked.” Karissa concurred: “Yeah! We want to see Kelly Osbourne naked!”

Is it strange I rather see Kelly Osbourne nude over Megan Fox? I kinda picture Megan’s no-no to be 4 feet in diameter and bears its teeth until you sacrifice a goat or woodland creature.

What Really Happened at the VMA’s: A Seat Filler’s Story

madonna-2009-mtv-vmas

While the majority of people were busy enjoying the douchery of Kanye and the tightness of Russell Brand’s lady pants, the rest of the world had better things to do. Some watched the season finale of ‘True Blood’, some watched football, and some went to bed early.

Although I am way too old to enjoy any part of MTV, I watched. Why? Robert Pattinson my friends….the boy makes it quiver.

A few lucky people had the job of a daytime (you know they are holding out on becomming celeb bloggers) by filling seats at last night’s festivities. And naturally, some of them have already taken to the internet to let us know what was really going down.

Via Oh No They Didn’t:

“*When Lady Gaga came in she was holding hands/being propped up by someone as she walked. She didn’t talk to any of the fans. She was extremely diva like, but in a good way. Instead of being pissed of or offended it was more like people were viewing as an art piece or a rare animal in zoo.

*The house band, I really wish I could remember their damn name, said and-I-quote “Is Tila Tequila here? Heh, tell her to go HOME!”

*Madonna’s “heartfelt” speech was all read off a teleprompter. Obviously.

*When Pete Wentz came in the Hall one of a male seat filler asked where Ashlee was he said Melrose wouldn’t let her take time off.

This adds to my theory that Gaga is really a wax figure on loan from Madame Trousseau’s.

“Kanye was taken aside after the Taylor Swift incident by his handler/manager and then MTV exes joined the conversation. Though I cannot say for sure, I would not be surprised if his apology was not heartfelt at all (cough) but in fact mandated from above. The TV feed does not do justice to how much the audience was booing every time Kanye’s name was said.”

If Kanye’s management wrote that crap he posted on his website, it might be time to purchase his team Hooked on Phonics.

Megan Fox is TINY like not just skinny tiny, but shoulder-to-shoulder tiny.”

One needs to be small to fit in the trailer park.

Ashley Greene kept pestering security to add someone’s number into her phone. They kept on refusing her, much to her chagrin.”

I really hope it wasn’t Kanye’s.

And finally…

“I have not seen the entire TV broadcast but Faye Dunaway was there (wtf?!)”

What? She is a classy and hip broad who probably is after Russell Brand. Just a guess.

[Keep Clicking Thumbnails for a Larger Image]

Images Via: wenn.com

Megan Fox Porn Imminent

megan-fox-porn-star-2

According to the crew of “Transformers,” Megan Fox is better off a porn star. In a scathing letter the “Loyal Transformers Crew” fired back at the actress, they call her “dumb as rock” and called her acting “cringe-able.”

“When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) easily another 45 minutes in the chair!”

The irate crew felt compelled to call out Fox after she equated Michael Bay to Hitler in an interview with Wonderland magazine. The infamous and respected director has many loyal friends in the biz and was a terrible move on her part to bite the hand that feeds her. Bay literally pulled her from the trailer park and put her career into motion, the letter points out.

“So when the three of us caught wind of Ms Fox, pontificating yet again in some publication (like she actually has something interesting to say) blabbing her trash mouth about a director whom we three have grown to really like. She compared working with Michael, to “working with Hitler”. We actually don’t think she knows who Hitler is by the way. But we wondered how she doesn’t realize what a disgusting, fully uneducated comment this was? Well, here let’s get some facts straight.”

The letter was posted to Michael Bay’s website, but has since been removed and the site temporarily down. The full letter is after the cut do to it’s length, but totally worth the read!

Egads. I guess she would be better off a porn star. She has the rare talent of screwing herself by opening her mouth.

To Read the Entire Megan Fox is Dumb Ho Letter Click “Read More…”

[Keep Clicking Thumbnails for a Larger Image]

Images Via: wenn.com

[Read more...]

Megan Fox Denies the World of a Sex Tape

Megan Fox Sex Tape

Dear Megan Fox,
It’s time for you to go away.
Sincerely,
Dame Crista

I have had all the Megan Fox I can stomach. And before you launch into your “You’re just jealous because she’s sooooo hawt!” remark, can it. She’s trashy. And last time I checked, she was banging David Silver from 90210 who was the only guy to get less pootie than Steve when he had his bad hair.

With that said, all you pervs are going to have to wait on seeing Fox’s lady bits as she’s decided to become prim and proper. When asked in an interview if a Fox sex tape will ever service, the actress poo-poo’d the idea (that is until her 15 minutes are up and then she give out handies to the key grip to score a role as an extra).

Via MTV:

“The last thing I want to see [is] what I look like having sex. It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex.”

Yes a hippo. A hippo who has, on more than one occasion, bragged about having a 23 inch waist and picks her boyfriend’s nine year-old son up from school in a bare-midriff halter top. ‘Hippo’ sums it up.

As for baring it all in a film? She also says nada to the idea.

“I can’t ever imagine myself doing nudity in a film,” she said. “It lives forever, especially now, with the Internet. I just can’t. I just can’t.”

i.e. Then there would be photographic evidence that I had work done in order to look trailer park chic.

[Keep Clicking Thumbnails for a Larger Image]

Images Via: wenn.com

Megan Fox NOT Cast as Catwoman

Professor Whore Whore Face (thanks Michael K) will not be squeezing into pleather and prancing around in a dance of the feline for Batman.

megan-fox-not-catwoman.jpg

Rumors running amok yesterday stated that Megan Fox would be the next in line to play Catwoman. The Sun apparently jumped the gun on the announcement as Warner Brothers called them out and said it was all false.

“It’s rumor. It’s not true,” said a studio rep. “There is no script. There is no project to be cast in.”

Rumors of a third “Batman” film have been stewing since the wrap of “The Dark Knight.” Christopher Nolan’s second adaptation grossed over $1 billion in sales on the eve of the Oscars. So it’s no surprise that a third installment. Casting rumors have been floating around for awhile. Johnny Depp was said to be signed on as The Riddler, Philip Seymour Hoffman was set to be the Penguin and (my theory) Maggie Gyllenhaal would reprise in the saga as a reincarnated Catwoman. Gary Oldman, who plays the commissioner for Gotham, hinted at a “Dark Knight” sequel Comic-Con this year stating:

“I think the next ‘Batman’ is next year. We start shooting next year,” he said. Of course, he did go on to add, “You didn’t hear that from me.”

Typically Batman films bore me horizontal. However, these most recent attempts at the superhero films I really enjoyed. (Sans Christian Bale’s odd lisp he develops when speaking as Batman. Am I the only one that bothers?)

Images Via: wenn.com

Megan Fox Doll Coming to a Pervert Near You

megan-fox-doll

Megan Fox has her own doll being created in her likeness. Barbie will have to set up a Malibu Free Clinic for this nuttery. I had assumed that any doll versions of Megan Fox would be of the blow-up kind.

[Keep Clicking Thumbnails for a Larger Image]

Images Via: wenn.com

Kristen Stewart Jealous Rage Over Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox Hook Up

I feel like I am trapped in a bad soap opera with these two called “Vampire Rodeo Hosted by Sparklepants and That Girl from Twilight.” It has a catchy ring no?

megan-fox-attitude-1kristen-stewart-2009-teen-choice-awards-3

Anyway, rumor has it that Kristen Stewart (the aforementioned That Girl from Twilight) through a diva sized jealous fit over the photo hook up of Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. As photographers snapped away at Robert and Megan, Kristen was fuming mad according to National Enquirer (yes, take it with a grain fictional salt).

“Although Pattinson and Fox have dated casually at least once or twice, the hunky star was absolutely floored when Kristen – suddenly in-his-face after he went onstage with foxy Fox to accept their “Choice Hotties” awards – bared her fangs and hissed: “You’re into Megan Fox!”

Said a Pattinson pal: “Rob couldn’t believe it at first. Kristen plays hard-to-get with him, then gets jealous over Megan? And she really ripped into him, saying, ‘I saw how you put your arm around her waist…I saw the way you touched her!’ Rob thought it was ridiculous. He told her: ‘Oh, for Pete’s sake! She’s just a friend. We were onstage together…that’s it!’”

First off I doubt the validity of this simply due to the fact that Sparklepants wouldn’t say “oh, for Pete’s sake” and he already hit that on several occasions. Let’s hope he hit the free clinic. Ladies, this is the first amateur mistake you can make with a man. Getting his mug and threatening him for looking another woman will earn you a title of crazy ho. However, the story goes on to state that Robert is getting tired of Stewart’s immaturity. This I do buy.

robert-pattinson-and-megan-fox-2009-teen-choice-awards-1

“But Kristen refused to let up, hammering him relentlessly about Megan. Said the source: “Rob’s getting tired of the constant drama with Kristen. She keeps going back to her boyfriend, but then comes back to Robert – over and over again. She pushes him away, then has the nerve to complain about other women. It’s ludicrous. The girl needs to grow up!”

Another interview the Mirror concocted ran yesterday and being that I was too snotty (i.e. inebriated) to post it, here is a rundown. The news outlet claimed they scored an exclusive interview with Pattinson. In this “exclusive” they claimed he said he was single and looking for a girlfriend. Reps have bashed the Mirror’s claim and stated that he has never done an interview with them. The reps are getting paid overtime and have also called out reports that he and Kristen are fighting over a Megan Fox issue, “there is nothing true to this story.”

[Keep Clicking Thumbnails for a Larger Image]

Image Via: wenn.com, Getty

Megan Fox in an Open Relationship with Brian Austin Green

megan-fox-aka-professor-whore-face

The ho from “Transformers” is back with her ex-fiancé. Sort of. According to OK! And NY Daily, Megan Fox is maintaining a relationship with Brian Austin Green in which she can have sexy times with anyone while he is only allowed to be with her.

Via NY Daily:

“They’ve agreed to an open relationship where Megan can see other men but Brian can’t date anyone else,” says the mag, and she has six months to decide if she wants to marry him.”

Either this girl is either an evil genius or the reason why free clinics are stocking up on Valtrex. My vote is for later being that she has earned the nickname Professor Whore Face.

Quotables:

D-Listed – “The average person has to down Kiefer Sutherland’s entire liquor cabinet just to get through a Megan Fox “performance.”