Al Gore is a nasty beast and tried to score himself a happy ending while getting a massage at Hotel Lucia late October of 2006. A random woman took her story the National Enquirer and claimed that he was making sexual advances.

Via NY Daily:

“According to the police report, Gore went under the alias “Mr. Stone” at the upscale hotel. The massage therapist said Gore asked for an abdominal massage, according to a transcript of the interview released by police. The masseuse said Gore began to moan during his appointment, insisted that she go lower, and grabbed her hand and guided it to his pubic area. She later claimed Gore tried to have sex with her and began to embrace her before she wriggled out of his grasp.”

The now 54 year old woman then canceled all appointments with detectives shortly after the incident. Her attorney also gave the side eye and nixed a meeting that was to be held in January to settle the case. No charges were ever brought against the former vice president and all accusations have been dismissed.

Now, excuse me while I go dip myself in Purell and fight off nightmares.

UPDATE: Here is the woman’s side of the story. Warning, it will make you vomitious and limp for a week.

“I was taught that a massage of the adductors could cause an involuntary erection,” she said, later, for some reason, adding, “I even voted for him in the last election, although in truth I was more accurately voting against Bush…. When I began doing the requested abdominal area he became vocal with muffled moans, etc. He began demanding that I go lower and massaging on the abdominal area. I was shocked. He further insisted and acted angry, becoming verbally sharp and loud. I went into much deeper shock as I realized it appeared he was demanding sexual favors.”

Describing herself as a Licensed Massage Therapist, the woman recounted a story of Gore progressing from moaning loudly during a massage, to launching a crazed attack, before breaking it off. He attempted to lure her into the bedroom where he threw himself on top of her, it was also alleged. The woman said his behavior was angry and described that she felt like she was dancing “on the edge of a razor.”

“He bellowed at me… just scared the (bleep) out of me,” she said. “He was moaning, groaning, moving in a very suggestive way.”

After first being rebuffed, Gore tried another tactic, according to the woman, “pleading for the release of his second chakra” — a euphemism for sexual activity, she claimed.
Instead, the woman said she tried a pressure point hoping it would make him sleepy.
When the session was over, the woman said she left the room to wash her hands. But as she was breaking down the massage table, Gore came over and “caressed my back, and buttocks and breasts.”

She said, “I squirmed to try to get out of his grasp telling him to stop.”

She told him he was a “crazy sex poodle,” to which he giggled.

The woman claims she then distracted Gore – described as extremely overweight – with chocolates! Then she says, he opened a small bottle of Grand Marnier, to wash them down.

“He then forced an open mouth kiss on me. I pushed back and said, ‘Stop it. You’re being way too frisky.’ I was distressed and shocked and terrified,” the massage therapist told police, reading from a prepared statement. I saw he was determined to have a sexual act with me.”

As Gore kept trying to have sex with her, the woman said: “I told him I was sorry to disappoint him and he would just have to take matters into his own hands that night. He pleaded, grabbed me… tongue kissed me… rubbed my buttocks with his hand and fingers and rubbed himself against my crotch saying, ‘You know you want to do it.’”

She claimed she managed to break away from Gore and leave the hotel.

At home, the woman “took a long, long warm shower trying to wash off the (laughter) unwanted touching and the trauma and I brushed my teeth for a long time to get out the Grand Marnier and Al Gore’s tongue and germs out of my mouth,” she told police.

In a moment reminiscent of the Bill Clinton / Monica Lewinsky scandal, the woman said she also noticed stains on the front of her pants. “I wondered if it was soap or bodily fluids from Gore pushing up against me repeatedly,” she said.

Those pants were saved in a bank safe deposit box, along with a chocolate bar with his fingerprints as evidence, she says.

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Images Via: WENN.com, AP