Lindsay Lohan In JAIL AGAIN, Denied Bail – PHOTOS

Lindsay Lohan is a slave to booze, nose candy and anything that requires a prescription. So when she failed two drug tests while on probation she had to drag her coke encrusted rump back to court. Judge Eldon Fox was in charge of dealing Lohan’s sentence.

Lindsay showed up to court in her usual garb so it was clear she was expecting to get a slap on the wrist, post bail and walk out to return to drunken tweets of crackery. However, Judge Fox DENIED HER BAIL. Lindsay was then cuffed and taken into custody. She could be locked up until October 22 according to developing stories. She tested positive for coke and Adderall. Her attorney didn’t even get to make any statements or arguments before Fox handed down his ruling. Lohan looked shocked and begged with her eyes for her lawyer, Shawn Chapman to do something.

Michael Lohan burped up some statement about Lindsay’s incarceration being Dina Lohan and Linds’ attorney’s fault. I hate it when my attorney makes me snort coke at gun point too. (Insert eye roll.) She has been driven to Lynwood and she is due to remain there (as of now) until October 22nd.

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Lindsay Lohan To Be Released This Week

Lindsay Lohan could be released back into the wild and free to roam by the end of this week. Lock up your emergency coke stash because I have a feeling she is going to go blow crazy and blanket herself in enough of the bad shiz to make the last scene in “Scarface” look like an episode of the Care Bears.

The UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital has not written their final report, but the suspicions of bipolar disorder have turned out to be unfounded according to “insiders” who blabbed to TMZ. Her Adderall issues are also said to be “not as severe” as they thought. So Lohan could be in outpatient care before you can say WTF?!

So… doctors are giving each other the side eye and shrugging their shoulders in bewilderment as to what exactly is wrong with Lindsay, patting her on the head and sending her on her way clutching a script for Adderall. Cue the violins as she sits down with the tricks from The View and creates a tale about prison reforming her and seeing the light of sweet baby Jesus.

Oh well, maybe her return will stimulate coke sales and thusly the economy. Hooray gas prices below $5 a gallon!

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Lindsay Lohans’ Dad Planning Intervention

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Back on Tuesday of this week, Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael took to the media to air some dirty laundry about his daughter, describing Lindsay’s addictions to popping pills in excess, such as Adderall, the anti-anxiety drug Zoloft, and several other bi-polar medications. Although, I’m pretty sure that is only part of her problem; she most likely chases her drugs with a couple swigs of Vodka and a few snorts of the white powdery stuff. But now, Michael is yaking on and on about how he plans to stage an intervention in order to save his daughter from all the evil in her life, provided he can tear his ex-wife Dina away from her new shoe line to help him out with his master plan.

Per Radar:

“I had a conversation with her, her mother and everyone…over the next couple of weeks I’m going to be doing things in a pretty public way,” Michael Lohan told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It’s a serious situation. You can’t just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing. When Lindsay doesn’t adhere or listen to what I say about serious situations, I feel I have to speak publicly to put pressure on her,” he said. “If she doesn’t take my advice and do what I say…the more pressure I put on her, the more likely she is to eventually do the right thing.””

That sure is big talk from someone who is most likely the cause of all her emotional problems anyway. Yeah, sure you need Dina, but good luck with getting that intervention off the ground now that you’ve blabbed about it to the media. Lindsay can read afterall… I think! In the meantime, Dina has made it clear she wants no part of a public intervention, saying that she is outraged is going to the press about their daughter’s alleged drug abuse problems, and instead she is asking people to have more empathy for Lindsay.

Per Contact Music:

“If you’ve ever lived a day in the life of my daughter you would probably cry. It hurts and it’s sad that one of her parents goes on television and talks about her personal life – it’s personal. She’s doing fine. Whatever Lindsay’s issues are, they are family issues. If she stumbles, she falls and she gets up,” says Dina Lohan.

Does he really think he is going to help her by splashing her personal struggle all over the press? So far the crotch shots, the scolding letter from the movie producer, the video of her wailing in front of Samantha Ronson’s house and the many recent photos of her looking like a 42-year-old lush have not amounted to enough pressure to make her stop using drugs. Lilo is basically an immature, spoiled brat, despite her age. Attempting to shame her publicly will only make her stamp her feet, throw a tantrum and go on a drunken/drug enraged bender. Good one, Dad!