I wasn’t going to address the “Balloon Boy” nuttery as children annoy me and as you may already know, I am not above making my neighborhood children cry for funsies. However, I felt I should air it out before Octomom starts sending her children up in balloons for fun and continues to abuse tax payers $.

Some offspring of storm chasing, wife swapping parents had America busting out binoculars and lighting candles in a vigil for some brat floating around in a gigantic helium balloon. While working out (and by working out I mean hitting the juice bar while watching a man built like a baby elephant who I lovingly call Thor do dips with 90 lbs of weight strapped to his waist) yours truly heard about said balloon boy and was forced to come home to report about it. By the time I got home the brat was found hiding in his attic and the balloon landed.

To add to the gigantic “Worse than Jon Gosselin” moment, the kid went and admitted on Larry King and when asked if he heard his mom and dad screaming for him and why he didn’t come out the tot replied:

“Well, you guys said we did this for a show.”

The mom of balloon boy then talked about how they looked for him in “small drawers” and at friends’ houses. WTF? I should mention here that these Kardashian wannabes have been on “Wife Swap” TWICE and made a video called “Not Pussified” so this is their first attempt at famwhorin’. Enter Kanye West: “Yo Balloon Boy, I’ma let you finish…But Anne Frank had the best attic hideout of all time!”