CNN Bans Kathy Griffin

Kathy Griffin managed to land a gig co-hosting CNN’s New Year’s Eve special with Anderson Cooper, and after a couple of risky comments and dropping the ‘F-bomb’, its a safe bet to say she won’t be asked to co-host again. Infact, its a sure bet – CNN has banned her.

Per PopEater:

“She was a total embarrassment to the network that calls themselves ‘The Most Trusted Name in News.’ Even Anderson (Cooper, her co-host) thinks it’s time to say goodbye to Kathy,” a CNN insider tells me.

Griffin’s potty-mouthed New Year’s Eve shenanigans included asking for a “bump” of cocaine, theorizing on Anderson Cooper’s pleasuring habits in front of a mirror and asking if he has a ‘safe’ word, and referring to Balloon Boy, Falcon Heene, as “F*****g Heene.” Cooper, like the true newsman he is, just shakes his head and offers a small, embarrassed laugh, and calls her “terrible” before carrying on with the broadcast. CNN quickly issued a statement on Griffin’s behalf, apologizing for her use of “profanity,” but I think they would have seemed more sincere if they apologized for hiring her in the first place. Griffin has yet to offer up an apology herself, which isn’t surprising since she’s never apologized for being obnoxious before.

Charges Filed Against Balloon Boy Crazy Parents

Richard Henne, father of Balloon Boy and future Michael Lohan, could face up to 6 years in jail and up to $500,000 in jail for making me miss watching Thor at the gym to report on his helium adventure. (Click here for the story of the Balloon Boy Hoax).

Sheriff Jim Alderden of Fort Collins, CO announced today that the Heene Ballon Boy nuttery has been officially deemed a hoax by the police. Charges are going to be filed and include: conspiracy, calling in a fake emergency and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Alderden talked about how the Heene family are actors with a degree in tomfoolery and are super sorry they fell for the hoax.

He then used strategery after the Larry King interview (in which the tot happily told the world “it was for the show” click here to see that) to get them to admit the wasted everyone’s time in watching a flipping balloon for hours and chanting to the helium gods for his safe return. While he couldn’t outright confirm “batch is craaaaaazy” and lied, he did confirm the investigation is well under way and they are building evidence to file the charges ASAP.

“We were looking at Class 3 misdemeanor, which hardly seems serious enough given the circumstances. We are talking to the district attorney, federal officials to see if perhaps there aren’t additional federal charges that are appropriate in this circumstance.”

They need to add booty blocking to that list of charges and make it punishable by death due to the hotness level of my gym candy I missed out on.

Balloon Boy Hoax Interrupts the Dame’s Workout, Snark Ensues

I wasn’t going to address the “Balloon Boy” nuttery as children annoy me and as you may already know, I am not above making my neighborhood children cry for funsies. However, I felt I should air it out before Octomom starts sending her children up in balloons for fun and continues to abuse tax payers $.

Some offspring of storm chasing, wife swapping parents had America busting out binoculars and lighting candles in a vigil for some brat floating around in a gigantic helium balloon. While working out (and by working out I mean hitting the juice bar while watching a man built like a baby elephant who I lovingly call Thor do dips with 90 lbs of weight strapped to his waist) yours truly heard about said balloon boy and was forced to come home to report about it. By the time I got home the brat was found hiding in his attic and the balloon landed.

To add to the gigantic “Worse than Jon Gosselin” moment, the kid went and admitted on Larry King and when asked if he heard his mom and dad screaming for him and why he didn’t come out the tot replied:

“Well, you guys said we did this for a show.”

The mom of balloon boy then talked about how they looked for him in “small drawers” and at friends’ houses. WTF? I should mention here that these Kardashian wannabes have been on “Wife Swap” TWICE and made a video called “Not Pussified” so this is their first attempt at famwhorin’. Enter Kanye West: “Yo Balloon Boy, I’ma let you finish…But Anne Frank had the best attic hideout of all time!”