Kate Upton in a Bikini on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue– PHOTOS

Kate Upton is wearing something I think is supposed to be a bikini, but might very well be a couple of eye patches sewn together. The model scored the cover for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 2012.

There isn’t really much more to add to her spread other than the angle makes her left boob appear to be shy while making her right boob look like the outgoing twin who puts out. I could be wrong, but it’s just a theory. As if straight men/lesbians are still reading at this point. I am pretty confident that most are just baffled as to how her chrysanthemum isn’t waving at us from the front page.

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Nicole Richie Boob Job ?!

Us Weekly is bringing some boob job rumors to the table today. Nothing says Good Morning! like writing about breasts.

Nicole Richie is the target of the tabloid’s scrutiny. They claim she got herself some small implants after finding her post baby body wasn’t so perky anymore. An “insider” type person told the mag that, “In the past, she said she wanted a lift, though we never thought she was serious.” They went on to say that Nicole has been very open about her new boobies with all her friends and she wanted them to “improve her bustline” for her husband, Joel Madden.

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Halle Berry Bikini Birthday – PHOTOS

Yes, Halle Berry is 45 and has a body that most 20-somethings would tolerate Dr. Robert Rey’s display of pre-surgery dance fighting moves in order to emulate through the miracle of silicone and lipo.

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Helen Mirren Voted ‘Body of the Year’ – PHOTOS

Everyone knows that Helen Mirren is a saucy minx and can rock a bikini. (See evidence below.) She is getting even more recognition for still being hot at 66.

A survey of 2,000 people done by L.A. Fitness named Helen as “Body of the Year.” FYI – Megan Fox, Olivia Wilde and Mila Kunis didn’t even make the Top 10.

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Christina Hendricks Playboy PHOTOS

The Smoking Jacket released some 1999 vintage photos of Christina Hendricks in Playboy. A clown holding a bottle of booze, a man with terrifying leg muscles who has been marinated in soy sauce, two Kelly Osbourne robot lookalikes from space and some tiny bottles (circa Alice in Wonderland) sounds more like a night with Charlie Sheen. Instead we are treated to Hendrick’s deflated boobies in silver metallic bikini.

Some debate over whether or not her famous chest is real or not has followed this spread. I say they are as organic as my bowl of Kashi Island Vanilla Cereal. Add ten pounds, a push up bra and you have the Christina Hendricks we all know and love today.

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Kelly Osbourne Bikini Body on Shape – PHOTOS

Kelly Osbourne is on the cover of Shape showing off her trimmed down bod in her bikini. The reality starlet has lost a total of 50 pounds thanks to diet and exercise. Kelly credits her stint on “Dancing with the Stars” for her weight loss along with sourcing the problems of her diet.

She admitted that she was an “emotional eater” and her diet consisted of chips, cookies and soda. Her figure then earned her a lot of flack from press that led her to take comfort in drugs.

“I was called fat and ugly in the press almost my entire life,” Osbourne, 26, revealed to SHAPE. “I understand that being judged by others comes with the territory, but it broke my heart and ruined my self esteem. It sets you up to hate yourself in a huge way. I was so angry about the things people said about me. I truly believe it’s the main reason I turned to Vicodin and ended up in rehab three times. I just hated myself.”

After learning about proper eating habits and getting into exercise with friends she was proud of herself and wanted to make the lifestyle change versus just living on a diet.

““I indulge with pizza and cheese—I love Brie—and have cookies sometimes. But now, when I’m full? I stop eating! It may have taken me 26 years to figure it out, but I’ve finally learned how to do it right.”

Good for her. I just hope she doesn’t pull a Star Jones and falls of the face of the Earth due to bitchery of plump girl turned hungry skinny girl.

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Images Via: Shape

Britney Spears Bikini Vacation – PHOTOS

After finishing filming her episode of “Glee,” Britney Spears and her boyfriend Jason Trawick have headed to Hawaii. (Click HERE for photos of Britney Spears on Glee.) She let her budget weave flow in the wind and wore a yellow bikini, but remained a bit shy as she wrapped a towel around her hips.

Honey child, wrap that towel around your head if you are trying to hide some kind of shame.

Want some 90’s fun? Click HERE to vote for The Best Thing To Come From the 90’s…

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Images Via: JJB

Miley Cyrus Boob Tattoo – Photos

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Miley Cyrus was photographed with what appeared to be a tattoo under her left boob while bikini clad in Miami. The 17 year old hit the Fontainebleau pool in bright pink bikini that revealed the words “Just Breathe” inked on her chest.

Being that she is only 17, in order to legally get the tat she would need her parents to sign off. So either the law was broken or her parents are ok with her ink should this be a real tattoo. If it’s not a real, then the question of who has been drawing on Miley’s under-boob should be raised.

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Images Via: Perez

Kara DioGuardi Exposes Bikini Body on ‘Idol’ Stage

New ‘American Idol’ judge Kara DioGuardi has showed America this year that she is an average judge at best.  The song the finalists sang on Tuesday, written by DioGuardi, has been widely trashed across the internet as well.

RESULTS: Kris Allen Wins ‘American Idol’ Season 8

But almost every man and perv in American can agree after last night’s singing performance by DioGuardi, exposing her tight body in a black bikini, with Katrina ‘Bikini Girl’ Darrell, that she is in fact doing something very, very good.

photos: justjared

Ashley Paige to Design for Target

Who doesn’t love Target? It’s like a classier version K-Mart.

Ashley Paige will be showing Target some love. The L.A. based swimwear designer is taking her talent to their bathing suit section. Currently there are two names the line will be labeled. Paige is considering either “Ashley Paige for Target” or “Bikini Love.” Of course the line will hit stores before this summer. You will enjoy 11 choices that capture Ashley’s style.

WWD Confirms:

“[The line] includes at least two in her signature crochet style and one monokini, according to an Ashley Paige spokeswoman. “It is really colorful…[and] is based off of Ashley’s classic pieces.”

Ugh. While I am excited for the summer to return, I am not happy about having to duct tape myself into bikinis. Meh….a little chicken coup wire, glue and a tan and we’re in business.

Image Via: Ashley Paige Miami 2008 Collection