The new King of Revlon hath cometh! Ashlee Simpson gave birth to a baby boy last night. I can just picture the legions of faithful fans holding up their flat irons at Hot Topic in celebration.

Simpson and husband, Pete Wentz, welcomed their bundle of joy Thursday evening. The couple named him Bronx Mowgli Wentz. He weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. and was 20 ½ inches long. Both mommy and Bronx are doing well.

“Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!” a spokesperson tells PEOPLE.

They realize that Jungle Book babies will get their lunch money stolen and have the shiz beat out of them on a daily basis, right? Poor kid’s initials are BVW. No wonder this baby didn’t want to come out. He is damned to a future that includes emancipation at the age of 8 and a name that sounds like a throat infection.