Another day another tell-all about Angelina Jolie. This time the claims include: sexy making with Ethan Hawke, Lenny Kravitz and Ralph Fiennes. (We already knew she tapped Voldemort – Click HERE for the Jolie Fiennes latex story).

Honestly I would be more shocked to read a tell-all that talked about how she eats Lean Pockets while watching ‘Chuck.’The mag also reportedly dug up old quotes from Jolie’s pre-baby purchasing days and stuffed it into a story about being a voodoo-witch doctor type.

“She keeps dried powders made from herbs and roots close to her body for protection and does “cutting and voodoo rituals.”

I highly doubt that as she would fear the transference of calories by proximity. There is also some nuttery about Angelina Jolie humping Ethan Hawke while he was married to Uma Thurman. Of course she did. We all know married/taken men are on Jolie’s list of fetishes along with pleather, children from worn torn countries and Nice ‘n Easy: Gray Solution.

There is one viable shred of believability to the story…Brad Pitt was recently freed from his goat pin to have a night out with the boys. The mag reported that it was Brad “at his happiest when out he’s buzzed and talkin’ up a storm.” That I believe because you know Maddox picks who gets to have the talking stick at dinner and since Shiloh will hold the phone to his ear while he files his nails she gets earns it.