Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape For Sale

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This is the last thing I want to see. I rather watch Ryan Seacrest give his hair an hour long pep talk or a documentary on rubber bands over seeing Lohan making sexy times.

Lucky for us, there may be no truth to the rumors of a Lindsay Lohan sex tape. Reports by the Daily Mail claim there is a 47 second sex tape of Lindsay rubbing her fire-box on some waiter from IHOP. Ok, so I am guessing he works at IHOP, but the report says he works at a well known chain. Obviously Lohan likes to sprinkle her French Toast with blow and Valtrex, so my money is on her favorite Sunday worship spot.

“A 47-second tape of the actress frolicking naked with a mystery male is currently being [shopped] around LA. Now a source told the Mirror: ‘This video file is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which should remain behind closed doors.’”

I’d like to know what types of “sex acts” are ok for public display. My confusion doesn’t stop there as I question who exactly “frolics” while doing their hump? When Gossip Cop asked her about these burning questions she replied: “What sex tape? Haha.”
As you ponder this, please enjoy pics of Lindsay looking like yesterdays floppy boob red light special at a sex toy party. Sadly, that is not a joke.

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Images Via: WENN.com

Madonna Dirty Talk Tapes for Sale

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Yesterday, photos of the scary withered arms of Madonna surfaced on the net and it made me run out and by arm flab a cheeseburger. Today, sexy phone messages that are nearly 2 years old are being put up for sale.

I kinda assumed that Madge did some moonlight work as a phone sex operator after she did Evita. That shiz was terrible. Alas, these are not recordings of the singer’s assumed side job. At least 17 minutes of of phone messages containing Madonna talking dirty to her then boyfriend are up for grabs. The bargain basement price of Madge asking then boyfriend Jim Albright to spank her starts at $40,000.

That’s not all that can be yours. Madonna was edgy and also did some sex faxing. She sent naughty faxes to the former body guard that are also for sale via Gotta Have It.

Via Daily News:

“Also part of the massive treasure-trove is a 15-minute “very personal and intimate video” that Madonna gave Albright, and 21 faxes they exchanged between 1992 and 1994.

Despite a photographer’s “pathetic camera work” at a shoot, “my booty looked good and you should see how good it looks in person,” Madge bragged in a November 1993 fax to her then-beau. Toward the end of her note, she invited her boy toy to visit her.

“It would be sooooo nice,” she wrote, before encouraging Albright to “send me a fax. I’ll be in my bed waiting for you.”

Only Madge would be turned on by the sound of an ancient fax machine printing.

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Image Via: NY Daily, Getty

Ferris Bueller House For Sale

Today is 80’s Flashback Day at work. Yes, the Dame gives us flashback days. It’s a far cry from our old Cocktail Hour Every Hour events she used to hold.

It’s sad, as not too many people here remember anything about the 80’s. I do. And I loved many, many things about the 80’s, especially “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

And now my other flashback friends, we can own a part of that amazing Matthew Broderick flick: Cameron Frey’s house. That’s right. The one with the Ferrari garage. The one designed by noted 20th Century architects A. James Speyer and David Haid. The one best described by Ferris:

“The place is like a museum. It’s very beautiful and very cold, and you’re not allowed to touch anything.”

Via The Chicago Sun Times:

“The house is listed with four bedrooms and four bathrooms and has a total living area of 5,300 square feet. It’s [sic] listing describes it as a unique ‘architectural treasure’ and is being sold ‘as is.’”

The current owner is asking for a measly $2.3 million-less than Katherine Heigl thinks she deserves for two weeks of work.

It is being reported that the owner has already received several offers for the home. I will submit mine right after the Dame approves my advance on salary.

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Images Via: IMBD