Chace Crawford Cleared of Pot Possession Charges

If you were standing outside the courtroom waving a banner reading “FREE CHACE CRAWFORD!” then your efforts paid off. Chace Crawford was cleared of his pot possession charges. Click HERE for his angry face mugshot…

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Lindsay Lohan’s Morgue Duty

As we reported, Lindsay Lohan is going to be spending some time in jail and doing community service. She pulled the ol’ I have a gigantic sense of self entitlement defense, but the judge threw shade and whipped up a punishment fit for Lindsay’s inability to make decisions like a normal human being.

The Coke Snorlax of the West will be doing her 120 hours of community service at the L.A. County Department of Coroner’s facility. Again. She had to work the morgue in 2004 after being arrested for drunk driving. (Reminder -That was for her second DUI offense.)

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Lindsay Lohan To Be Released This Week

Lindsay Lohan could be released back into the wild and free to roam by the end of this week. Lock up your emergency coke stash because I have a feeling she is going to go blow crazy and blanket herself in enough of the bad shiz to make the last scene in “Scarface” look like an episode of the Care Bears.

The UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital has not written their final report, but the suspicions of bipolar disorder have turned out to be unfounded according to “insiders” who blabbed to TMZ. Her Adderall issues are also said to be “not as severe” as they thought. So Lohan could be in outpatient care before you can say WTF?!

So… doctors are giving each other the side eye and shrugging their shoulders in bewilderment as to what exactly is wrong with Lindsay, patting her on the head and sending her on her way clutching a script for Adderall. Cue the violins as she sits down with the tricks from The View and creates a tale about prison reforming her and seeing the light of sweet baby Jesus.

Oh well, maybe her return will stimulate coke sales and thusly the economy. Hooray gas prices below $5 a gallon!

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Images Via: WENN.com

Lindsay Lohan Arrest Warrant Issued

Lindsay Lohan has been partying at Cannes for the film festival and her passport was “stolen” and therefor she couldn’t make her court date after her judge specifically warned to her show up or go to jail. Lohan sent a massive email to her friends begging for a ride from Cannes back to the states to be home in time for not-rehab-but-the-other-thing-oh-yeah-court. Obviously no one showed up because they don’t want that Lohan smell all over their private jet.

Her attorney showed up and begged the lamest excuse ever to the judge. However, she wasn’t buying it and issued a bench warrant. Contrary to what Lohan and her lawyer are saying, French police have stated that she did NOT report her passport stolen. Photogs also caught Linds partying on a yacht the night before she was due back in Beverly Hills.

TMZ reports that Judge Revel has issued a bench warrant and set bail at $100,000. She might not have to face jail time if Lindsay can post bail, not drink, wear a SCRAM bracelet and to random drug testing at least once a week. Ho better start thinking of ways to sneak a shank into her cell because these requirements are never going to be met. She is more like to grow a third arm which functions specifically to hold her drank! Police are planning on arresting her as soon as her plan lands back on US soil.

The judge isn’t happy with Lohan to start with as she has only completed 10 of the 13 required classes. She also cited that there is probably cause that Lindsay violated her probation. So she could be jailed for 180 days.

Charges Filed Against Balloon Boy Crazy Parents

Richard Henne, father of Balloon Boy and future Michael Lohan, could face up to 6 years in jail and up to $500,000 in jail for making me miss watching Thor at the gym to report on his helium adventure. (Click here for the story of the Balloon Boy Hoax).

Sheriff Jim Alderden of Fort Collins, CO announced today that the Heene Ballon Boy nuttery has been officially deemed a hoax by the police. Charges are going to be filed and include: conspiracy, calling in a fake emergency and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Alderden talked about how the Heene family are actors with a degree in tomfoolery and are super sorry they fell for the hoax.

He then used strategery after the Larry King interview (in which the tot happily told the world “it was for the show” click here to see that) to get them to admit the wasted everyone’s time in watching a flipping balloon for hours and chanting to the helium gods for his safe return. While he couldn’t outright confirm “batch is craaaaaazy” and lied, he did confirm the investigation is well under way and they are building evidence to file the charges ASAP.

“We were looking at Class 3 misdemeanor, which hardly seems serious enough given the circumstances. We are talking to the district attorney, federal officials to see if perhaps there aren’t additional federal charges that are appropriate in this circumstance.”

They need to add booty blocking to that list of charges and make it punishable by death due to the hotness level of my gym candy I missed out on.

Chris Browns’ Larry King Live Interview – Video

Chris Brown has appeared on “Larry King Live” to plead his case in the court of public opinion claiming he was ashamed of himself for assaulting his girlfriend at the time Rihanna, but says he wouldn’t go into the details of the evening out of respect for Rihanna’s privacy. Brown appeared with his mother Joyce Hawkins and lawyer Mark Geragos and tried his best to explain why he lost his temper with her.

Per Examiner:

“I feel like that just there — there’s — we’re young. We’re both young. So nobody taught us how to love one another. Nobody taught us a book on how to control our emotions or our anger.”

Thats the biggest bs excuse I’ve heard as of yet. Chris also blamed his mother’s abusive husband, claiming he doesn’t remember the incident happening. He also stated that he may have become violent because of his age. Sounds to me like a typical abuser, always placing the blame elsewhere except on your own shoulders. Brown, who also told King that he’s still in love with Rihanna and even said he could see a situation where the two could potentially be married in the future, pleaded guilty in June to felony assault and was sentenced to five years’ probation, 180 days of community service, and a year-long domestic violence program, but no jail time. There is also a protective stay away order in effect for Rihanna against Brown.

Per Examiner:

“As far as the actual, what I have to do, I felt personally that, as far as, not saying as a celebrity, because I don’t exclude myself and try to become like, oh, well I’m a celebrity so I shouldn’t be punished. But I feel like, with what I’m capable of doing, as far as influencing people, influencing kids, the youth, I can do a lot more to help the community, other then picking up trash. But, I don’t, I’m not saying picking up trash is something wrong, I’m willing to do it, I’m just saying I know I can do a lot more, which I intend to do, aside from my community service.”

Sorry Chris, but I believe you’re now one of the last people we want influencing today’s children. In spite of the pleas agreement, Brown seems determined to downplay the incident going so far as to questioning whether the photo of Rhianna’s bruised and battered was altered because “That’s not who I am as a person”. When King brought up the prior incidents that were unearthed in Brown’s probation report, an argument overseas and an incident in Barbados where Brown allegedly broke a car window after a fight, the singer refuted any suggestion that the occurrences were evidence of previous abuse and claimed those events never happened.

Per Examiner:

“I’m not aware of those instances,” he explained. “Especially of that nature … as a couple we have had arguments, but nothing to this point.”

Selective memory at its finest. I’m sure I’m not alone in wondering what his ultimate goal for doing the interview in the first place, but I’ve got some theories. None of them being sincere.

Saint David Archuleta’s Dad Arrested for Hooker Outreach Program

jeff-archuleta-and-david-archuleta

I am sure he was just paying her to help paint a garage or mow the lawn. Strike that, Jeff Archuleta was in a dodgy massage parlor getting a happy ending.

David Archuleta launched into stardom after making it the final two spots on “American Idol.” It was a battle of the David’s as his competitor, David Cook, won the title. During the competition there were constant reports that Archie senior was a stage dad. He would blast his son if he didn’t performing up to his standards and interfered in the other contestants backstage lives. Eventually Idol producers banned him from rehearsals and back stage.

Early this year, Jeff was getting a massage from a woman in lace panties when police raided the parlor after a doctor who was renting the building became suspicious of their practice and called the cops. He was face down on the able just finishing up his massage when two officers entered and arrested him.

Via Radar:

“We read him his Miranda rights twice. The second time because he said he didn’t understand them the first,” Det. Sgt. Salazar. “During the questioning, he said he’d found the place on Craig’s List. He was asked if he’d received any sexual services and he said he had.”

Now he is back tracking and his attorney has gotten him off with a class B misdemeanor and soliciting a prostitute. He plead no contest and paid a fine of $582. He claims he only went to the Reiki Massage Parlor for a back issue. Jeff stated he found the parlor on Craig’s List.

I guess if you can find llamas on Craigs List you can also find naked massage therapists with magical back healing powers.

Gerard Butler Facing 6 Months in Jail for Paparazzi Beat-Down

Movie star hunk Gerard Butler has been charged with misdemeanor criminal battery over an incident involving a paparazzi-photographer last year. If convicted, he could be sentenced up to 6 months in jail. The incident occurred the night of October 7th, 2008 after a premiere party for “RockNRolla.” Allegedly, the photographer was trailing Gerard’s limo for hours, verbally harassing Butler whenever he got in and out of the limo, and even was chasing people through the streets.

Gerard’s manager Alan Siegel said the actor was forced to have his driver stop the car he was riding in after the particular photographer repeatedly sped through red lights and almost struck two pedestrians. Butler was said to have then punched him several times, bloodying the photographer’s lip. Police filed a report against the “300” actor over the scuffle. The Los Angeles City Attorney has already filed legal charge against him on Wednesday, May 13th, and Gerard is due in court for an arraignment on June 10th. His attorney, Blair Berk, has said that Butler is not required to, and won’t, appear in court on the matter.

I don’t blame him for punching someone who was following him! It would have been cool if he yelled “This… is… Sparta!” right before knocking the pap in the mouth!!

Images Via: Getty, INF

Jessica Simpson Picks Up BFF Lane Garrison from Prision

Ex “Prison Break” star Lane Garrison is making a break from it – No, he’s not breaking out of the Richard J. Donovan Correctional Facility in San Diego, California where he has been living out his sentence since December 2007. The former actor will be a free man, scheduled to be released tomorrow from prison. But just who will be there to pick up the convict when he’s released? Rumor has it that its none other than childhood friend Jessica Simpson.

Per National Ledger:

“Jessica wanted to pick Lane up herself, but she can’t,” her pal explains. “So she hired a limo for a few friends to be there once Lane walks out.”

Wow, a limo to pick you up from prison? Something about that just screams trashy! I guess he is a high class felon. However, I find it hard to view this idiot as anything but “Tweener” from the local Ace Hardware store. But then again this IS Jessica Simpson we’re talking about…. Anything for publicity!

Garrison is being released from prison after serving roughly half of his sentence for a 2006 DUI crash that left one of his teenage passengers dead and injured two others. He was sentenced on Oct. 31, 2007, to 40 months in state prison, deducting the 91 days for time spent in custody before sentencing, after pleading guilty to felony vehicular manslaughter and driving under the influence. Lawyers for Garrison had pushed for probation, but Garrison got off lucky with the sentence he did receive, because he could have been locked up for nearly seven years. He’s received time off his sentence for good behavior and for participating in a substance-abuse treatment program, serving as a peer mentor to other inmates.

Lets hope he can turn his life around after this lucky break he’s receiving.

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Images Via: Pacific Coast News

Phil Spector Guilty of Second Degree Murder Plus Mug Shot

In case you haven’t already heard, legendary record producer, Phil Spector, has been convicted of second degree murder in the 2003 slaying of actress Lana Clarkson.

Via CNN.com:

“Wearing a black suit with a red tie and pocket square, Spector showed no reaction as the verdict was announced. Now 69, he faces a sentence of 18 years to life in prison when he is sentenced May 29. Asked if he agreed to the sentencing date, Spector quietly answered, ‘Yes.’”

Spector’s current wife, Rachelle was in attendance to hear the verdict but did not comment.
Spector and his attorneys plan to appeal the decision.

What confuses me the most is Phil Spectors mug shot. He looks like a fish on acid who happened to steal Stan Zbornak’s toupee (ten bonus points to the first person who can identify Stan Zbornak).

Spector was first tried for this crime in 2007. That let to a mistrial in which the deadlocked jury favored conviction 10-2.