Oh. My. ‘Lost.’

It’s back kids, and it was absolutely amazing, no? This morning, I have already been bombarded with emails from people complaining about it. There are always these people. Interestingly enough-it’s always the same people.

You know these people. They try to kill what you love. They are likely the people that would make their kids watch as they flushed their dead fish down the toilet on the grounds that, “it teaches the kid a lesson.”

It’s OK. ‘Lost’ needs you. You keep coming back. You want to argue about how the show is predictable and not as good as it was. With that, I want to remind you that it was you who kept complaining that nothing was getting answered.

You’re just never happy, are you?

For the rest of us, ‘Lost’ was bliss. It was enjoyable. It was another one of those nights that I stayed up too late and then couldn’t go to sleep because my head was spinning. I love those nights though I will complain today about how tired and cranky I am.

So what did we get? Some answers? Yes. More questions? Always. And now we are left with two possible futures: Jack’s plan worked or Jack’s plan failed. Certainly, one can assume that we will learn which fate prevails when the series ends all too soon. But what makes me happy is that, in the end, it was JACK’S plan. Not Sawyer’s. Not Locke’s. And certainly not that load of a being we call Kate’s. Jack’s. My boo.

Let’s take a look at ‘LA X’, shall we? (First note: Notice there’s a space between LA and X?)

Future #1: We made it!

This section starts off with Jack back in his seat on the fated Oceanic flight 815. He’s getting his drink on when Cindy, the flight attendant gives him a freebie. I would like to give him a freebie too. We’ve seen this. We’ve seen Cindy. Remember, she took off with the kids. Ah, the kids-we’ll get to them later.

Jack starts the same convo with Rose when the turbulence hits. However, this time it passes, and all is well.

Rose tells Jack to “let go” which obviously is full of significance. I hope he let’s go and uses his free hand to grab my boob.

Yes, I know. In the first episode, this entire conversation was vice versa. It was Jack calming Rose. Things have changed. This is what Doc Jensen over at Entertainment Weekly is calling, “Sideways World.”

Bernard returns from the toilet and they’re all in love. We get it. Rose + Bernard = 4 EVA. Then we splash through the ocean, past Spike (my new name for Dharma shark) to see the four-toed statue on the bottom of the Pacific.

All I notice about this is the inert lameness of the graphics. C’mon. This show has got cash. This montage looks like I made it on my Mac which I still don’t know how to use. Is it bad purposefully?

Jack then runs into the Marshal (who we learn has a name, not that it matters) who is waiting for Kate to get out of the bathroom. Jack doesn’t notice her handcuffs, though it would like turn him on if he had seen them.

When Jack returns guess who’s in the seat next to him? Desmond. Brotha? For reals? What the hell? WTF? Des would NOT be on this plane. I don’t get it. Jack, however, recognizes him. They met while running their cute behinds off at UCLA once. I remember. I still have dreams about that. Doesn’t matter, as Des disappears shortly thereafter and Jack can’t find him anywhere on the plane. Now, my head hurts.

Sawyer also runs into the Marshal who gets all bully-on-the-playground tough with him. Sawyer notices Kate as well. Honestly, they live in LA. There are plenty of hot chicks that aren’t complete loads.

Back at Sawyer’s seat, he sees Doc Art (HOLLA!) talking to Hurley about winning the lottery and buying Mr. Cluck’s . Hurley says something about being lucky.

This doesn’t sit well with me. I like poor, confused, likely suicidal Hurley. He calms me. Hurley should not be confident. Does that makes me sounds pretty bitchy?

Next we see Locke and Boone conversing on the plane. Your heart melted a little, admit it. I know they were talking about who they were, and, if the plane crashed, how they would survive and how Boone would stick with Locke. But I honestly didn’t pay much attention.

No, I was busy first thanking God that Shannon wasn’t there. You heard my prayers and now, per our agreement, I am off to work with the lepers.

Secondly, I started mourning the relationship between these two-how devastated Locke was when Boone died, especially. So sad. I miss this.

I guess I should touch on the fact that Locke tells Boone he participated in the Walkabout. We know that, originally, they wouldn’t let him. He could be lying, but he could also be telling the truth. I mean, Hurley’s now lucky, right?

What now? Oh Lord. We need a doctor. And look, Jack is happy to oblige. I love you Jack. You’re still my favorite. I don’t care what they say.

We can easily figure that it is Crack head Charlie who has locked himself in the bathroom to get his smack-on.

Yet the door is jammed. No worries. We have resident badass Sayid here. He comes out of nowhere, when you need him most, to kick open the door and assist Jack.

Today’s math lesson:

Sayid = Ninja = Love. Mad Love.

It’s a trifecta. Pythagorean Theorem and stuff.

Continue Reading Completely ‘Lost’: LA X Recap and Spoilers After the Cut. Click “Read More…”

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