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51-Year-Old Doug Hutchinson Marries 16-Year-Old Courtney Stodden

June 21, 2011 By 1 Comment

There are so many things wrong with this story that I don’t know where to begin. So, let’s just jump right, in shall we? Doug Hutchinson, who just so happens to be 51 years old, has married Courtney Stodden (random nobody – until now) who is only 16 years old! Now, I’m about to show you their picture but lemme just say that in my ENTIRE life I’ve never seen a 16-year-old who looks like this! 16!!! Must be all the hormones they put in milk these days.

And if you were wondering about the legality of all this (after you get over the ewww factor) EOnline.com sorts it out for you…

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Filed Under: Celebrity Couples, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Hook Ups, Celebrity Wedding Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Hurley’s ‘Lost’ Numbers Win Money For Lotto Players!

January 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment

If you played the six number sequence that appeared throughout the entire run of ‘Lost,’ you won a nice pile of cash last night!

Per PopEater:

“Tuesday night’s massive Mega Millions drawing had many ‘Lost’ fans scratching their heads, as four of the six winning numbers were identical to the infamous set of digits from the hit ABC show. The ‘Lost’ numbers were 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. The Mega Millions winning combo was 4, 8, 15, 25, 47, 42.”

Crazy!! …Did any of our readers/’Lost’ fans play Hurley’s numbers and win?

Click here to see which ‘Glee’ star wants to end horse drawn carriage rides in NYC.

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Images Via: WENN.com

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Completely ‘Lost’: ‘New Man In Charge’ SEE IT HERE

August 9, 2010 By 4 Comments

Remember when you were a kid and, for no reason in the middle of the summer, your parents would get a totally awesome and completely unexpected gift? It wasn’t Christmas, or your birthday. Your dog didn’t die and you hadn’t brought home a stellar report card. It was just because.

It’s happened again. Only I am A LOT older and this gift is the COOLEST EVER!!!

LOST!!!!!

I have been in a funk since Lost ended. I’m not going to lie. I am trying to move on, but Lost was like that one boy you dated when you were a teenager: it was totally sweet and blissful and when it ended you told everyone you didn’t care…but occasionally, you think about it. And how great it was.

I have tried to move on. I have sunk my teeth into many comedies at the recommendation of friends (and I am sorry Cooke…LAUGH TRACK?!) and even Mad Men to make my friend Lou happy. But nothing compares. I just can’t get over this one.

So yesterday when my wonderful friend Trevor sent me this video, ‘New Man in Charge,’ I could do nothing but jumpy-clap and proclaim my undying devotion to him. How did I not know about this? Apparently, this is a bonus feature on the Lost Season Six DVD set. And It. Is. Good.

Many of you expressed hatred (to say the least) towards the finale of our beloved show. You were unhappy that questions went unanswered (though I clearly explained that, in the end, this was not the purpose of the show), you were unhappy that we didn’t even see some characters (hello Walt), and you were unhappy that the show wasn’t about an island at all. Much like Star Wars isn’t really about the Force (yes, this is me starting an argument with some of you!).

Well then, this should make you happy.

“New Man in Charge” begins with two Dharma randoms working the line as pallet loaders in Guam. They appear to be working diligently to get the next drop ready for those stuck on the island.

Enter one Benjamin Linus. My God, there is NO character on television as awesome as he, right? He calmly tells the gentlemen that Dharma is obsolete, they’re no longer needed, here’s a wad of cash, peace out.

Naturally, the guys want some questions answered. This made me laugh hysterically. Some of you are the Dharma guys. Desperate for answers, disappointed that the one thing they have loved is gone. Oh irony. You’re so funny sometimes.

Ben allows each man one questions (one manages to slip in two), but then decides that, since he did end up a good guy afterall, he’d help them along by showing them the orientation video for the Hydra Station.

And here we have Pierre Chang, asking not to reveal his name because he’ll be forced to use aliases (like Marvin Candlewax, for instance). Though choppy, some answers are given: why the polar bears are on the island, why people can’t get pregnant, why the hy-bird says ‘Hurley’, what room 23 is for (uber creepy), which leads us to understand why the hostiles took out the Dharma Initiative.

But that’s not all, after bidding the guys a “Namaste,” Ben heads off to the Santa Rosa nuthouse to pay a visit to someone. And who is it? You betcha, Keith is actually Walt. Poor Walt.

Walt, who apparently went nuts playing center for the Nuggets (that kid is HUGE), is calmly playing Connect Four and thinking of possible sharp object to shank Ben with. Walt didn’t forget that Ben kidnapped him, or had him kidnapped rather. But Ben does seem genuinely sorry and, let’s face it, What’s-his-face is going to be up in a few hours eating those Connect Four pieces, so Ben’s suggestion to break Walk out of the nuthouse isn’t so bad. And once Ben refers to Walt as “special,” something he did after he’d had him kidnapped on the island, Walt decides to take a chance and heads with Ben to the closest Dharma van.

And what do you know?! There’s Hurley, in the van, waiting. If you’ll recall, Jack left Hurley in charge of the island and Hurley took Ben as his Number Two. Though the finale alluded to the two of them working together on the island for sometime, we don’t know how long or who took over for Hurley once he was done…until now.

Walt expresses that he thought no one would come back for him. I’ll admit, I got a little teary. And for those of you who were pissed that Walt was such an integral part of the first two seasons then nada, well, it looks like you got your comeuppance; Walt is taking over the island!!!

That’s right kids. Hurley wants to talk to Walt about a ‘job’, which we know is island talk for taking over. Hallelujah! This is Walt’s purpose. He was always the one who should be in charge of the island. Yes that’s right! You heard me. Not even my Jack (I miss you boo!) was supposed to be the last one in charge. It’s Walt’s job and it’s Walt’s time.

Now we know why Walt was not at the church when the rest of the Losties crossed over into whatever lies ahead. He was workin’ fools!

Hopefully, this makes some of you happy. For me, though I was completely fulfilled by the finale, I couldn’t be happier to have one last piece of the greatest drama series ever. Bet.

View the entire epilogue BY CLICKING HERE

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‘Lost’ Alum Henry Ian Cusick Lands A Job on ‘Law and Order: SVU’

July 7, 2010 By Leave a Comment

‘Lost’ fans!!! Are you still there?! Are you still dropping by? Melody? Steve? I miss you! Let’s talk.

If you are there, then you are likely going through ‘Lost’ withdrawal much like myself. Regular television just pales in comparison, no?

Thankfully, our favorite Brotha, Henry Ian Cusick won’t be MIA much longer. He’s landed a role on ‘Law and Order: SVU.’

Currently, Cusick is signed on for only two episodes in the fall, but producers are making it sound like he may be a potential love interest for Marishka Hargatay’s character, Olivia.

Via TV Guide:

“There might be some flirtation. Erik [Cusick's character] meets Olivia when he comes to someone’s aid. And then we’ll see how it goes. Olivia is devoted to her job and knows that comes first.”

Though I am happy to see Desmond, I mean Henry, get a job, thinking of him with anyone other than PEN-NAY makes me sad.

Thoughts??

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Images Via: wenn.com

Filed Under: Lost, Television Tagged With: , , , , ,

‘Lost’ Series Finale Theories, Explanation and Jimmy Kimmel Alternate Ending VIDEOS

May 24, 2010 By 15 Comments

Oh boy. Today might be another day we fight, kittens. Throughout the night (yes, I mean throughout thanks to friends and family members who apparently never sleep), I received TONS of hate emails/texts/Facebook and Twitter posts, all hating the series finale of ‘Lost’.

[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Q and A – Video] ***More Videos of LOST Q and A, Lost Alternate Endings Below!***

And I will tell you something, around midnight last night, I was with you.

But not anymore. I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or my unwavering will to make ‘Lost’ into some kind of mythical being that will live forever (er-added that for you Ferstle). But this morning, right now, I am happy with the way it ended. I am satisfied.

And before you start throwing daggers at me of unanswered questions, well, I think you missed the point of ‘The End.’ Life isn’t about getting all the answers. It’s about making connections and building relationships that help you through those unanswered questions.

And before you start throwing references to ‘The Matrix’ and ‘The Five People You Meet In Heaven’ at me, just stop. Because I know why you’re really disappointed. You’re disappointed because it’s over.

I don’t really know if I can give you a play-by-play recap like I usually do this week. It seems harder, no? Not that it couldn’t be followed, but we moved back and fourth so much that trying to connect it all just seems odd.

What I will do is try my best to focus on things that are important in both the Island World, or as I like to call it now, real life, and Sideways World, or the In-Between. We’re having our first argument aren’t we? You’re going to tell me I have it backwards. Many people this morning are arguing that the island was purgatory. But I disagree. The island is what really happened. Sideways World is what Jack and the others experienced after they died—no matter when that was.

So Kate could’ve lived to be 90 (and the bitch probably did since NOTHING ever finished her off), but she had to come to grips with what happened to her on the island and the people she met there in order to move on.

However, I have to agree with Mr. Jimmy Kimmel on this one, I don’t think the show was ever about Kate. And all you Sawyer fans are now probably poking needles into your Dame Crista voodoo doll, but this show has ALWAYS been about Jack. It started with him, it ended with him, and it couldn’t end until HE let go, until HE was ready to move on.

This is the end, Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes…again –The Doors

In Island World, we begin with Sawyer deciding to leave the group, including the newly appointed Island leader, Jack, in order to find Desmond.

Instead, he finds UnLocke at the well and Ben finds him hiding in the bushes. He informs UL that there aren’t any more candidates. The replacement has been found and then he promptly steals the gun from Ben and gives him a few face punches for old times sake.

Desmond, we learn, has already been rescued by Rose, Bernard, and Vincent who officially has had more to do with this show than Walt. After a spot of tea and a rousing game of cricket, Rose tells Des he’s going to have to leave because she and her hot-mess of a husband (seriously, use a knife to shave that face!), want nothing to do with no one.

But she’s too late as Vincent’s paw prints have led UL and Ben right to their camp where UL vows to cut Rose and Bernie like a Staten Island trick if Des doesn’t go with them.

Des obliges and they leave.

Miles finds Richard and his eyebrows in the middle of the jungle where UL threw him the day before. He’s banged up, but still living because-HELLO-Jacob made sure he couldn’t die. They decide to carry out the plan of blowing up the plane.

While on their way to the plane in a boat, Miles discovers Richard has a gray hair. Obviously, now that Jacob is gone, Richard can age. They also discover Lippids, who should be dead, but is floating in the ocean like a stuck whale. Whatever. This, to me, is what was lame about the finale. Lippids gets hit on the head with a steel door in a submarine that has a hole blown in it while filling with sea water….but he’s alive.

Meanwhile, the first showdown between Jack and UL happens as Kate starts shooting at a mythical creature that she knows can turn into smoke. Kate, you dear, are a douche.

Jack is well aware that they are all going to the same place for the same reason and they decide to go together, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs behind to find their way home.

Badass Jack also emerges at this point (and thank GOD for that, as I have missed him) and lets UL know that he’s going to kill him and, shhhh…..how he’s going to do it will be a surprise. Oh! I love surprises. And I am hoping this surprise involves Jack needs to rip his clothes off. Really, it’s the least they can do for Paula and me.

On their way to Marcellis Wallace’s briefcase (seriously, you should have looked this up after last week…Mom, I am talking to you!), Jack tells Sawyer that he plans to use Desmond as a weapon to kill UL. Makes sense. Not really, but it made me feel smart for 2 seconds to pretend that I did.

After reaching a certain point in the jungle, UL informs everyone that just he, Des, and Jack will continue. Jack agrees and Hurley lets him know that he believes in him. It was sweet. I had to mention it.

To me, there two completely amateur moments in ‘The End.’ This was the first: As the three men reach the light of the island, UL and Jack tie an effing rope around Desmond to lower him down into the cave. WTF?! I saw this shizz already in 1982 when the dwarf lady, Tangina, tied the rope around JoBeth Williams and told her to go into the light to get Carole Anne. That’s right kids. This was TOTALLY stolen from ‘Poltergeist.’ I am fairly certain that, if the light of the island was close to Othersville, Ben would have been sucked into the television.

While Desmond is channeling JoBeth, Miles contacts Ben to let him know their plan. They’re going to leave in the plane. Not blow it up. Bugger off.

Claire, her wig, and her new level of bloated crazy, shows up just in time to start shooting at them. She doesn’t want to go with them. She can’t leave her crazy squirrel baby for her real one. Duh.

Desmond seems pretty stoked about going into the light. He tells Jack he already knows what will happen. He will go into the light and go somewhere else. Like before. Jack can’t even hide the look of “You’re nuts,” but lowers him down anyway.

While lowering Des into Marcellis Wallace’s briefcase, UL and Jack start bickering about the real John Locke. UL gives the old, blah-blah-blah he sucked, and my Hot Doc came back with a little, “You disrespect his memory by wearing his face.” Nice.

Des finally reached the bottom of the waterfall which is clearly the left over set from ‘The Goonies’ complete with the skeleton of Chester Copperpot. I do wonder who’s skeleton it is. No, nevermind, No I don’t.

Desmond walks into the “light” and pulls the literal plug on it. Uh oh. This is when the shizz goes down. Though it wasn’t directly explained, I am inclined to believe that the light on the island is the gateway to the afterlife. It could be heaven, if that’s what you believe.

When Desmond pulled the plug, that portal closed and the gateway to Hell, or whatever you believe, opened. This is what UL wanted. This is why they will die. The island is now falling apart. Whoops. Even my boo makes mistakes.

He’s not mistaken about UL though and decides that now is a good time to beat the piss out of him. Wait! There’s blood coming out of UL’s mouth. Oh snap. The light going out has made them both mortal. While contemplating this, UL hits Jack with a rock. Bitch.

The island is falling apart and manages to trap Ben. How many of you were screaming “Leave him!!!!” along with me?

Jack is alive, but wet, and therefore I am happy.

Miles, Richard, and Lippids start repairing the plane with some conveniently placed sheet metal and a blowtorch. Please.

UL makes it to his ledge and prepares to go down the side of the mountain to his boat. But SUPERJACK shows up and flies through the air to beat the mess out of him. I am not going to lie. Watching these two fight was awesome.

Not awesome, um the part where UL shanked Jack in the side or what happened next:

KATE SHOOTS AND ESSENTIALLY KILLS UNLOCKE.

Total and complete bullsh*t! Please, this whole series has been a battle between Jack and Locke (and UnLocke) and it ends with Kate-someone who managed to be the biggest mother-truckin’ load of a character in the history of television-shooting UL? NO! Ri-goddamn-diculous.

Jack then kicks UL’s body off the cliff, which is quite symbolic of what happened to the real John Locke.

Jack, with his neck-cut, is then reunited with the Sawyer, Hurley, and Ben who apparently got free from the tree. He tells them that he has to undo what Desmond did and wishes Sawyer the best of luck getting off the island.

Alright. Jack and Kate love each other. Gross. I wanted to puke. Whatever. Hurley and Ben decide to stay with Jack, and the three take off for the cave.

Hurley is upset that Jack is going to die. Me too Stay Puff, me too. Before leaving, Jack bestows the protector-ship of the island to Hurley who accepts it reluctantly and asks Ben to serve as his #2.

Naturally, they manage to drop Jack down the hole, but he’s cool. He ties Desmond to the rope and, quoting Desmond himself, tells him he’ll see him another life. He moves the plug back into place but nothing appears to happen.

The island continues to crumble. Jack, defeated, sits crying in the cave. My boo shall not die in vain.

Hurley and Ben pull Desmond out and Hurley realizes that Jack is gone. Watching Hurley cry for Jack was painful, I must admit.

Meanwhile, Lippids gets the plane going and stops in time to let Kate, Sawyer, and Claire with her wig, onto the plane as well. As the ground crumbles, a la ‘2012’, he gets the plane safely into the air.

The water begins to run again in the cave and light starts to shine. Jack is victorious. He’s going to die but both he and I are cool with it. He saved everyone. He fixed things again. ☺

Jack, barley alive, awakens near the bamboo forest. He fights his way into the forest where we first met him. Here, he peacefully lies down, watches the plane as it flies overhead and, knowing he succeeded, closes his eyes forever.

OK. I didn’t cry then. But now I am a bawling mess.

Sideways World….

…hmmm. How to tackle this. Instead of recapping what happened in Sideways World, I would rather just give my theory on what I think it is and how the people played a role in that theory.

First of all, this is just my theory as of right now. I haven’t read anything this morning about the finale, and, aside from Jimmy Kimmel’s special last night, I haven’t watched anything else about it. I would like to issue a disclaimer that I have the right to, at any time, change this theory whenever I feel like it!

Secondly, I would like to let you in on what I viewed to be the second amateur moment of the night: Juliet is David’s mother. What are we, stupid?! Like we didn’t see that one coming.

Sideways World is, for lack of a better term, the In-Between world.

Try to stick with me. Many religious believe that life is a test. Once you have passed that test, you gain entry into the afterlife-heaven or whatever you may believe in. Sideways World was the test. And, when it is time for you to let go, you gain the memory of your real life. In this instance, real life is what happened on the island. This is why all our Losties had these moments of remembrance.

I believe that there was more to their ‘moments’ than we saw. Perhaps, for someone like Sawyer or Kate, what happened to him or her once they left the island.

Also, many religions believe that, once you’ve come to grips with your own death, you are free to move on. Sideways World and the ‘moments’ are the characters coming to grips with their own deaths, whenever that death may have occurred, so they can move on.

Jack is the last to have his moment. Then he joins the rest: Locke, Shannon, Boone, Rose & Bernard, Kate, Sawyer, Juliet, etc. to move on.

Many people are quick to point out that not everyone was there. There are two possibilities.

1. Desmond is, due to my lack of religious knowledge bear with me, an angel. It’s his job to help people reach this point so they may move on. This is why Eloise Hawking was relieved to hear that Daniel wouldn’t be joining them, and why Ana Lucia did not come along either.
2. The people in the sanctuary are the people who were essential to Jack. These were the people that had impacted his life. These are the people he needed to move on. I too am upset that we didn’t see Walt or Mr. Eko, but Jack didn’t need them to move on.

So what about the unanswered questions?

Oh boy. Please don’t hate me for this, but they’re not relevant. This show was not about an island. It wasn’t about a plane crash. This show was about the people that you let into your lives and how those people shape you and change you and help you get through good times and bad.

Why was the Dharma Initiative on the island? Because they were. And, when they got too close to discovering the island’s secret, they had to be destroyed.

Why did Walt have powers? Because he did. He was a special kid. I hate to break it to you, but there are a lot of kids like this…for real.

What were the numbers? They were numbers that may have been used in an equation to help predict the end of the world. But it doesn’t matter.

I think what I learned last night was that NONE of these questions or any other questions really matter. Weird shizz happens all the time, even in our Real Lives. But the weird shizz doesn’t shape whom we are-the people we allow into those lives do.

Thank you for reading this humble little blog. It’s been a pleasure.

Namaste.

[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Q and A – Video]

[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Q and A – Video]


[Jimmy Kimmel Lost Alternate Ending – VIDEO]

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Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘What They Died For’

May 19, 2010 By 12 Comments

I would like to begin this week’s ‘Lost’ write-up with an open letter to the electric company in my greater metropolitan area. Please excuse this, dear friends and loyal readers.

Dear Electric Company-

Yesterday was a difficult day for me. You see, I am an avid fan of the television show ‘Lost’ and last night’s episode, ‘What They Died For,’ was the very last regular season episode…EVER! Do you understand? EVER! As in, the show ends this Sunday.

And for some reason, 45 minutes into the show-which happens to be the exact time that I start watching it (have to fast forward through commercials thanks to DVR), our entire block lost power. WTF?!?! I will cut a bitch. Deep. You can mess with my bill, my a/c in the middle of July, whatever. But when you mess with ‘Lost,’ someone will pay…WITH THEIR LIFE!

Sincerely,
Dame Crista

So needless to say kids, my ‘Lost’ night, turned into my ‘Lost’ morning via my work computer which I had to sneak to watch whenever “the man” wasn’t looking. I apologize because this write up is going to be a little discombobulated. It’s hard to take notes when I am supposed to be doing my grown-up job. It’s much easier when I am sitting in my pj’s with my laptop open eating a bag of Better Maids…but I digress.

In what is likely to be a failed attempt at keeping this short a simple, I will skip over what seemed to be inconsequential to last night’s episode. For example, Jack woke up at the beginning, but he was wearing a shirt. BOO. And, despite the fact that he was wearing the hell out of those pajama pants of his, the only relevance to that scene is that, once again, his neck was bleeding. This time the wound seemed more gaping and bloody, no?

At breakfast with David and Claire, Jack confirms that he will be attending David’s concert that evening as will David’s mother. Yet another Lost mystery, I am banking on his mother being Juliet. I don’t want it to be, but later in this post you will hear my reasoning why.

On the island, Jack sews up Kate who has, yet AGAIN, miraculously survived a gunshot wound to the shoulder…and apparently her clothing does not tear when shot either. Did anyone else notice this? No bullet hole in her shirt? Whatever. She’s alive and therefore, I am still pissed.

Jack tells the survivors that it is time to leave and find Desmond who is in a well. On the way, Hurley sees kid Jacob who demands the return of his ashes-which he stole from Ilana’s things after she blew up. Are you still with me? The kid snatches them and takes off into the jungle with Tons of Fun chasing after him. Yea right Hugo. You’ll catch him. Right after your heart attack.

Nevermind though, as kid Jacob merely leads Hurley to Real Jacob, or Dead Jacob, can we just call him Jacob? Jacob then tells Hurley to get the rest of our Losties for a little meeting.

The four return and Hurley is shocked when he finds out that the others can see Jacob as well. Jacob calmly explains to them that there is a light in the center of the island that one of them will have to protect from UnLocke. He also tells them that he is responsible for creating the ‘Monster’ aka Smokey, which doesn’t sit well with Sawyer who tries his best to be a badass one last time. “Why do we have to pay for your mistake…blah…I was doing just fine without you….blah.” But Jacob doesn’t stand for that. He lets them all know that all four of them had shoddy lives before the island came along and that they were all alone.

As soon as Kate starts her bellyaching about her name being crossed off, Jacob puts her back in her place by telling her that she became a mom and it’s just a little chalk line through a name. The job is hers if she wants it.

It doesn’t matter if she does want it because we all knew what was going to happen, right? Jacob will let them choose who it is going to be and we know my boo is going to take over control of this island. No worries. It’s what he’s “supposed to do.” Not a question. And Jacob likes that this isn’t a question for Jack. Jack is Jacob….there is an old theory from WAY back about how both Jacob and Jack are derived from the same Latin (the language the Others spoke) name. They are the same.

Jacob leads the four to a stream where Kate, Hurley and Sawyer stay behind to watch the Chosen One take over. Sawyer, unable to SIT DOWN ALREADY, makes a comment about Jack having a God complex but doesn’t seem to upset that he won’t have to protect the island come sunrise.

Jacob takes water, mumbles something and has Jack drink the water. The look on Matthew Fox’s face did it for me. It was GOOD acting people. The kind that, without a work, reveals so much. Jack knows some shizz now. And now, according to Jacob, “You’re like me.” And now, according to me, he’s like Jacob only WAY hotter.

While this is going down, Miles, Richard, and Ben finally make a reappearance. They have been picking berries or something in the jungle for days and have decided to return to Ben’s home in Othersville to grab a little C4 to blow up the plane. The homecoming is cut short when first Widmore and Crook Eye, I mean Zoe, arrive and then UnLocke, who, as Smokey, throws Richard clean across the island. There is speculation this morning. Is Richard dead? I personally don’t think so. Smokey knows Richard can’t die thanks to Jacob. He can be maimed though and I think that’s what he did. I would hope that Richard Alpert and his Eyebrows would receive a much more worthwhile death scene. And I have a feeling Jack will eventually ‘let him go,’ so-to-speak, now that he’s in control.

Smokey then returns as UnLocke and tells Ben he needs him to kill some people. Ben is a snake and naturally agrees and begins his quest for UnLocke by revealing that Widmore and Crook-eye are hiding in his super-secret closet. You see, Ben has been controlled by UnLocke the entire time. This is why he has the secret closet where he could “summon” Smokey. Smokey has been using him…is STILL using him. Only now, Ben doesn’t care. Alex is dead, she’s not coming back, and Jacob doesn’t want him. Game over.

UnLocke and Ben enjoy a quick visit with Widmore which involved UnLocke slitting Zoe’s throat (it’s not like she was important). UnLocke reveals that he is curious as to why Widmore brought Desmond back to the island. Widmore reveals it has something to do with Des’s curious ability to withstand a heavy amount of electromagnetism. Sure. I think he just digs the accent. There’s more, but Ben plugs Widmore before he can speak loud enough for us to hear.

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS!!! Who else remembers with me? A few seasons ago, please don’t ask which, an off-island Ben entered the bedroom of a sleeping Widmore. They exchanged words and Charles let it slip that he and Ben CANNOT KILL ONE ANOTHER. It was not possible. Yet now, all of a sudden, Ben can plug Widmore and he’s dead? Is it simply because they’re on the island? I don’t get it. And I don’t think we will ever get the answer as to why some people could sometimes leave the island (i.e. Richard, Ben, Jacob).

Ben then asks UnLocke about the other people he has to kill. Naturally, these will be our candidates as it seems UnLocke is not able to kill them himself. Whatever Baldy-bring it!

The two travel to the well where Desmond was left and find it empty. UnLocke then lets us in on a little secret. That secret: Desmond is a fail-safe. He can destroy the island. Boom.

In Sideways World, Desmond is also taking care of business. He first phones Jack while he’s having breakfast with his son and newly found sister. However, he tells Jack that he’s from Oceanic and they have found his father. I am not sure why he does this. What are your theories?

He then goes back to Washington Tustin High where he tries unsuccessfully to run down John Locke once again. Only he’s stopped by DOCTOR Ben Linus who tries his best to tame the Scottish beast and make a citizen’s arrest. Yea right.

Des begins to beat the crap out of him-nothing new for a public school parking lot-which prompts Ben to remember when Des was beating him up at his boat before Ben shot him. With me? He also tells Ben that he’s not there to hurt Locke, but rather to help him “let go,” which Ben believes.

A battered Ben receives a ride home from a clearly 30 year old Alex (c’mon, pigtails in high school does not make her look young) and her mother-you guessed it- a clean, uncrazy and not nearly as awesome Rousseau.

Rousseau then insists that DOCTOR Linus join them for dinner where Rousseau reveals that Alex’s dad died when she was two. I wonder if she shot him because he had the sickness. Ben seems to have a flash that makes him sad. Perhaps he knows that in alternate island reality, he’s responsible for her being killed?

Desmond, meanwhile, turns himself in to Detective Sawyer (I know, James Ford, whatever) whose partner Miles is preparing to attend a gala concert (hmmm, same one as Jack, right?) at his Dad’s museum.

Des is thrown in the pokey with Sayid and Kate though not for long as they are then transported to county.

On the way, Des weirds out and asks Kate and Sayid to stay with him and he would help them be released. The driver pulls over the paddy wagon and releases them…oh, and it’s Ana Lucia….oh, and I hate the beyotch…and she’s still a scuzz ball as she is expecting payment in exchange for setting the three free.

Payment she receives from Hurley who shows up and knows her, though she doesn’t know him (sorry Tubby). Obviously Hurley is well aware now of his island life is he remembers this ho-bag. Unfortunately, Ana’s contract dispute is not enough to bring her back for the finale. According to Des, she’s not ready to join them.

Sayid then leaves with Hurley while Kate receives a little black dress and a Camero ride from Des to the aforementioned concert.

Phew.

So this is it. Sunday. 9:00-11:30 PM EST. It’s over. What’s going to happen? Many are speculating that Sideways World Jack will kill Locke when he tries to “fix” him. Others are speculating that it will be Jack who dies.

All I know is that David’s mom will be Juliet who will whisk Sawyer off his feet when he shows up at the concert to arrest Kate…which he won’t do because he’ll be getting coffee with Juliet…dutch.

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Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘Across the Sea’

May 12, 2010 By 38 Comments

Dear ‘Lost’ Fans:

Here we are. Only two episodes remain, and one of those episodes is the 2 ½ hour finale. So why then, I must ask, did I find myself so disappointed in ‘Across the Sea?’ I did my job this morning. I have not looked at one single ‘Lost’ site, read any emails, checked Facebook, or even Twitter. The only message I received from anyone last night merely stated, “I am disappointed.”

And that pretty much sums it up. I feel disappointed. I feel like we were handed a ‘Nikki and Paulo-esque’ episode at the end of a brilliant series. Now, before you start bashing, I am NOT saying that ‘Across the Sea’ was a big steaming pile like ‘Expose,’ but I have to be honest with you, devoting an entire episode to characters that I either don’t know at all or characters that I know little about in the hopes that it will satisfy my every whim and question I ever had about the mythology of our Island, leaves me disappointed. Really.

Did this episode have to take place now? At the end? The answer is clearly no. We could have seen this very episode during the first season and, other than knowing who Adam and Eve are, we would not be enlightened to anything…and do NOT get me started on what our beloved candidates are “protecting.” I will get to that in a moment.

Just sit right back and you’ll hear the tale
The tale of a fateful trip

‘Across the Sea’ began this evening by introducing us to Claudia, the shipwrecked mother of Jacob and the Man in Black (or he without a name), who was not long for the island world. She is “rescued” by Allison Janey, who I will now refer to as MAMA.

MAMA takes care of Claudia long enough to deliver her twins, Jacob and MIB, and then she promptly bashes her head in with a rock.

MAMA decides to raise the boys as her own and promptly begins pitting the two against one by dressing them in different colored rags and providing MIB with toys and not Jacob. MAMA even goes so far as to tell MIB he’s special and tells both the children that the island is all there is.

That lasts for approximately one scene before the boys, while boar hunting, run into a pack of wild-looking men who apparently inhabit the other side of the island.

When the boys tell MAMA about them, she quickly blindfolds them and leads them through the forest where she reveals to them why the island is special: It has a sunshine cave. That’s right kids. We have been waiting for six years to find out that Marcellis Wallis’s briefcase has apparently washed up on the shore of a cave on the island and now MAMA’s job is to protect it at all costs.

[If you do not know who Marcellis Wallis is, please watch ‘Pulp Fiction.’ If you do, you may understand my anger for tonight’s episode better.]

MAMA reveals that she has made it so the boys can’t hurt one another and that this warm bright light is found in every man, but they consistently want more. If the light goes out there, it goes out everywhere. What?!?

The boys do not seem fazed by this, which leads me to believe MAMA is a few screws short of putting the shelves together. Maybe blindfolding the kids and leading them around the island is something they do for fun? Because it clearly does not seem out of the ordinary.

Later, MIB sees a vision of his dead mother who leads him to the camp of the other people on the island. They are part of the shipwrecked crew that she came with 13 years prior. Unfortunately, Jacob cannot see dead mom, only MIB. So here’s the question, if MIB has been the one appearing as those who died to our Losties, then what the hell is dead mom? I am so confused.

Dead Mom tells MIB about everything; there are other places in the world and you get there on these things called ships. I actually felt badly for MIB. To be denied knowledge of the outside world, to know it’s there but never to see it, that has to be truly frustrating. MIB decides to runaway and join them.

For some reason, MIB can’t go without Jacob, so he tags along for a moment and then proceeds to beat the crap out of MIB when he reveals the truth to Jacob about MAMA and the outside world. MAMA breaks up the fight and MIB leaves to join the other people anyway.

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Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘The Candidate’

May 5, 2010 By 28 Comments

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Oh boy. I can already sense it this morning ‘Lost’ fans, we’re going to argue…all day. And I am going to try to take the high road and apologize to you in advance, because I already know I am going to say lots of things about ‘The Candidate’ that you are not going to agree with. And some of you are going to post some not-so-nice comments about me after reading this. And that’s OK. That’s why ‘Lost’ is, by far, the best drama ever on television. If watching it doesn’t make run the emotional spectrum, then it has failed to do its job, no?

After watching ‘The Candidate’ last night, I was bombarded with messages, emails, Facebook posts, etc. all ranging from, “OMG! That was AWESOME!!!” to (oh, and ***SPOILER ALERT!), “If I wanted to see people drown I would have watched ‘Titanic!’”

Yes kittens, folks died last night. Were they the people you wanted to die? Probably not. But that isn’t what you should be asking yourself this morning. You should be asking yourself if you’re ready. Are you prepared? Are you ready for this show to come to an end? Have you gotten the answers you wanted? Are your ‘Lost’ mysteries solved? And then I think you will realize that everyone on that damn island could die or live and it wouldn’t matter. Because what you really want is closure, and that my friends, comes at a price.

I’m on a boat mother***ker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat in the deep blue sea…-The Lonely Island

OK. Before you start arguing that I have lost my mind and have no sense of music, The Lonely Island’s ‘I’m On A Boat’ was what started playing in my head when Jack woke up in the canoe. Sorry.

In Island Time (IT), Sayid welcomes Jack to Hyrda Island. When the mortar attack went down on behalf of Widmore’s people, those who survived scattered into the jungle (does this mean we know about the kids? They’re dead? All that wonder since season two/three and now they’re just dead or lost in the jungle forever? Great).

While Jack and Sayid exchange pleasantries, on the other island, Sawyer, Kate, Lippids, etc. have been captured by Widmore and his people and they’re escorting them to the cages where Sawyer and Kate participated in gorilla-style mating rituals. Not happy with the digs, Sawyer manages to steal a gun from “Doughboy” (OK, I may not like Sawyer, but that line was funny), but it has little effect once Widmore puts his pistol in Kate’s neck and reminds Sawyer that he doesn’t need her because she isn’t on the “list.”

At this time, UnLocke (UL) returns to camp trip (himself, Jack, and Sayid) and informs the hot guys that their friends have been captured and they have to save them. Jack agrees but informs UL he has no intention of leave the island. UL is clearly not pleased and threatens Jack with the lives of his friends.

Did you catch it? That gleam in Jack’s eye that said, without speaking, ‘Um, didn’t you say you needed us in order to get off this island? So, why would you kill us?’ YES! This is the moment when my boo had his breakthrough. He knows something is up. It will take him a little while to figure it all out, but he clearly knows that he cannot trust UL.

Back in the cages, Sawyer lets Kate know that her name was crossed off in the cave. She is not needed. I have been saying this since the pilot episode. She’s been kept on this show to serve as T & A only. Jin and Sun use this opportunity to talk about their daughter. Jin reveals that he saw the pics of her and Sun returns his wedding ring. It’s called foreshadowing people. If you didn’t see this one coming, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you should start watching ‘Heroes.’ Is that steaming pile still on TV?

Suddenly, the pylons die and Smokey makes his return. He quickly takes out Doughboy and a few other expendables that, for some dumb reason just stand there shooting at him, while Jack frees the folks in the cage. Jack informs them they are heading for the plane, but he has no intention of getting on it and leaving with them.

UL arrives at the plane first where he easily takes out two more of Widmore’s goons and inspects the plane which, of course, is rigged with a ton of C4. Anyone else notice UL rip the watch off Goon #2’s wrist? I suddenly flashbacked to Keamy’s watch that triggered the blowing of the freighter when his heart stopped beating, did you?

Never mind, instead they all head for the sub to use that as their means of escape. Jack, once again, informs UL that he has no intention of leaving and suddenly, UL is cool with this. Hmmm….Didn’t you say that all had to leave together? And now, now you don’t care if he stays? Definitely something up. And Sawyer, though slow-minded (yea, I said it!), manages to catch on to this. He asks Jack to get UL into the water while the rest of them escape in the sub.

As they reach the sub, it becomes quite predictable that someone, or someoneS are going to bite it. People, there are only three episodes left. What do you expect? People are going to die. People have been dying since season one. This is what happens. Did you expect everyone to sit around a campfire, braiding each other’s hair, and making s’mores? Please.

Widmore’s people open fire on our Losties as they try to get into the sub. Kate is shot (thank GOD!) and UL uses this opportunity to switch backpacks with Jack. OK-here comes another fight between us…..THIS WAS TOO PREDICTABLE!!!! This show has been bad-ass for six years and now, NOW at the end we fall victim to a bag switch-a-roo? This is not amateur hour. The real UL would have convinced crazy Claire to hide that C4 in her wig and take it on board. This, however, was lame and, in this humble bloggers opinion, completely lazy on behalf of the writers.

Jack knocks UL into the water and helps Kate onto the sub. Sawyer goes back for Claire, but sees UL is already out of the water and closes up shop. UL doesn’t care. The C4 is on the sub. He got what he wanted.

I know that many of you are going to post the argument this morning that it appeared as though Jack couldn’t be killed. Could be. He was walking through a hailstorm of bullets and nothing touched him. But does it matter? We already know he will be Jacob’s replacement. So is this really something we need to concern ourselves with?

After realizing his bag has been switched, Jack has the epiphany that he began having at the start of this episode. He has it figured out: UL can’t kill them but needs them all dead in order to leave the island. He needs them to kill each other.

And while my boo tries to explain this, your hot-headed sex machine pulls the wires on the C4 thus speeding up the countdown. Do you see it now? How Sawyer sucks? He’s hot-headed. He doesn’t like being wrong. He can’t listen to others. He’s lame. And yea, he’s pretty much an a-hole.

Sayid sees his chance for redemption. He quickly tells Jack about Desmond, grabs the bomb and informs Jack that, “It’s going to be you,” and takes off like a bat out of hell to the back of the sub where he serves as a martyr. RIP Sayid and the black tank top. You totally bugged out there for a while, but you were a BAMF and you breaking that dude’s neck with your feet will always be the coolest damn thing I have ever seen on television.

As what’s left of the sub fills with water, we see Lippids knocked out (hasta luego Frank!), Jack tells Hurley to take Kate (can’t she just be dead already?), and Sun finds herself trapped beneath some metal railing. Sawyer, Jack, and Jin work like madmen to free her, and Sawyer (of course), gets knocked out in the process.

Seeing it’s hopeless, Jin convinces Jack to leave with Sawyer. He will stay with Sun. She begs Jin to go, but he refuses to leave. And yes, they die…together. Very dramatically. They love one another, he cannot leave her….I get it.

Now there are three groups of people out there this morning. Group One is team Ji Yeon (the Kwon daughter). My mom is on this team. She was texting me like mad telling me that, “THE DAUGHTER IS THE KWON ON THE LIST!!!!” No. No she’s not. One of them was and now they’re dead. Let it go. No Kwon will replace Jacob. I am sorry. And as for the, “Why didn’t she tell Jin to leave and take care of their daughter?!” people, well….sometimes when two people love each other very much, one cannot exist without the other. I know. It’s very Edward and Bella, and kind of makes me want to puke.

Group #2 are the sad people. These are the people who are mad and sad and cried and are saying the episode was awful and terrible and blah blah blah…..Get over it. We have known people were going to die. And don’t try to tell me you that you are only sad because it was the Kwons who bit it. Because something tells me that, in season one, you were the one cheering Sun on when she was banging the bald guy behind Jin’s back. Oh yea. I went there. I remember that. So move on.

And there’s me and group #3. We get it. We’re done. We’re sad, sure, but we aren’t Charlie and “Not Penny’s Boat” sad. We already cried when we spent half a season wondering if Jin blew up on the freighter. And we’re also the ones who realized that whole moment in the cage between them foreshadowed this. We’re more pissed that Kate is somehow still alive.

Speaking of which-am I having a false memory, or didn’t Hurley once tell us that he can’t swim? If so, I am curious to know how he dragged his big ass and Kate, who has been shot in the arm, from a half exploded submarine to the surface without a problem.

Jack also made it to land with Sawyer (whom he SAVED people, though I doubt Sawyer would have done the same). Though Kate is hysterical, and Hurley begins to cry when he learns that Sun and Jin didn’t make it, it was Jack’s emotional breakdown that got me. And here’s why: I don’t think he was crying about the lives that we lost per se, I think he’s crying because he knows the others have to die. He has to try to figure out how to get them off the island before they’re dead. My Boo has a lot on his big, manly shoulders right now.

I’ll make you a deal, like any other candidate
We’ll pretend we’re walking home ’cause your future’s at stake. -David Bowie

In Sideways World this week, we begin with the Hot Doc waking up his patient John Locke. He informs Locke that his Dural Sac ruptured (this was the same thing that Jack had to fix on a woman in Island World). He informs Locke that he’s an excellent candidate for a new procedure with minimum risk that could get him walking again. Locke refuses.

Peg Bundy, I mean Helen, arrives then and showers both John and Jack with affection.

Because Sideways World Jack is still Jack, he becomes obsessed with “fixing” Locke and sets out to learn why he refuses to let Jack fix him. My guess is Locke is embarrassed to have such a hot dude see him nude. But I could be wrong.

Jack arrives at Bernard’s dentist office as it was Bernard who worked on Locke following ‘an accident.’ I am not going to lie. I kinda missed Bernard.

Bernard quickly recognizes Jack from flight 815 and lets him know the name of the man he treated along with Locke: Anthony Cooper. Tah-dow! And before Jack leaves, Bernard tells him he hopes he finds what he’s looking for. I hope it’s me.

Jack then arrives at Shady Pines Retirement Village (huge shout out to those of you that know that reference) where he bumps into Helen. Helen, though hesitant at first, introduces him to Anthony Cooper who, in sideways world, is a vegetable and not (at least now) a bad-ass con man. She has to wipe away his drool for crying out loud.

Two things: 1. I am probably a cold-hearted bitch, but I kind of got a kick out AC being a veggie. Despite this being Sideways World, Sawyer is still looking for AC as he’s the man who conned his parents which led to the murder/suicide of his mom and dad. He’s still a creep. And 2. This is another predictable moment. Obviously Locke is responsible for whatever made AC like this and sees his being in a wheelchair as his penance for that. Boo. Stop being all lazy writers. This isn’t 8th grade. It’s the big league!

Jack returns to the hospital where Locke is sleeping and having an obvious dream about the island and pushing the button. Jack doesn’t hang around to hear about it though as he spots Claire looking for him. Jack buys an Apollo Bar (yum) and Claire asks him if he knows anything about a music box that their father left her in his will. He doesn’t, so she opens it. All that’s inside is a mirror showing their reflection. More with the mirrors. I don’t get it. I am sure it has something to do with things being flipped or backwards or reflecting, but I am done theorizing at this point.

Claire asks about Christian’s death and this leads Jack to realize they too were on Oceanic flight 815. Now he knows something is up. Him, Claire, Bernard, Locke…all on the same flight? Jack then invites Claire to come and stay with him since they’re family.

As Locke leaves the hospital, he sees Jin bringing lovely flowers to Sun. They exchange a glance-and let’s not forget that, as she was being wheeled into the hospital, Sun recognized Locke.

Jack stops Locke and tells him he went to see Anthony Cooper which leads Locke to spill the beans about what really happened. Locke had just gotten his pilot’s license and, though he was afraid to fly, his dad agreed to be his first passenger. The plane crashed and done and done.

Jack seizes this opportunity to remind Locke of what he told him-that his father was gone and that Locke’s father is also, that punishing himself won’t save his father. Whatever happened, happened, just let it go.

And then he parts with Locke by saying, “I wish you’d believe me.” AWESOME. In Sideways World the two men’s roles are completely switched. Like a reflection in a mirror? NO! I am NOT theorizing!!!! Make it STOP!!!!!

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Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘The Last Recruit’

April 21, 2010 By 6 Comments

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Dear ‘Lost’ Fans: Was it just me, or was ‘The Last Recruit’ a connector episode? You know, its main purpose was to set us up for the final four episodes? That’s what it felt like to me.

I will admit that I enjoy episodes that don’t often focus on one particular person. I like that we had some closure, and we got our long awaited Kwon reunion (more on that later).

However, I have to begin this write-up by being completely unprofessional. You see, last night, after a long day working for the Man, I pretty much dragged my good friend, and fellow Lostie, to a rather horrific 4 ½ hour long conference that resulted in him missing an NHL playoff game (Go Wings!) and us being terribly late for ‘Lost’, which, as he learned after his return home, had not been recorded by his DVR. He was not happy. And I owe him as a result. And though I try not to name drop in my write-ups, I am afraid that I have to take this opportunity to let the world know that Scott Ferstle is the bomb. For real.

With that said, let’s quickly run through ‘The Last Recruit.’

We’re on a road to nowhere….

We began this week at Camp Cupcake with UnLocke (UL) and his followers having a chit-chat with the Hurley, Jack, and the cool kids. UL seems to only be speaking to Jack (who wouldn’t?! Hello hot stuff), and asks to speak to him privately to catch up.

Jack brings his gun with him which, sorry baby, isn’t going to help you much versus a monster made of smoke.

So Jack asks some questions that lesser Lost fans (sorry as I know I just offended some people, but really, I want the good stuff) would find answers to most satisfying: Why did you choose Locke? Because he was stupid. OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!!! Oh and Smokey, were you also my dead father that I saw three days after we crashed? Why yes, that was me. Mozeltov.

But big ups to a friend of a friend who, in the midst of a drunken ‘Lost’ conversation on Friday pointed out to me that we have seen Christian Shepherd OFF the island-something that UL has clearly stated to us that he CANNOT do. So, WTF?! Is Christian sometimes UL and sometimes something else? Ugh!

Anyway, UL refers to Locke as a ‘sucker’ which pisses both me and my boo Jack off. End of conversation.

Claire and her wig show up now-totally on purpose- to throw Jack into the “Follow me! You’re my brother! I want my BAY-BEE back,” realm of Claire-crazy. Sell it somewhere else sweetie. Jack’s stocked up. He loves Aaron and the last thing he wants is for that kid to have to be picked up from school by that wig.

Really though, I must comment on how BAD that wig is. Are the creators of ‘Lost’ poor? It’s like ‘Twilight Saga’ wig bad. Horrific. Makes me uncomfortable.

Sawyer has managed to corner Hurley at this point to inform him of the super-secret double play he is running between UL and Widmore. I already know this is going to fail. Sawyer, despite the hotness you seem to behold over Kate’s panties, you are NOT the leader. This plan is going to fall apart. In flames.

I did enjoy that Sawyer told Hurley that Sayid had gone to the dark side thus providing the writers with yet another Hurley loves Star Wars reference. Even Vader was good at the end. Now all we have to do is find Sayid’s illegitimate son whose hand he cutoff and have him come close to death….ok. I digress.

At this point, Kate tries batting here eyes at the Hot Doc but her humpfest is interrupted by Zoe and her walkie talkie. I am utterly confused. Last week she was a weakling and now she’s acting hard and in charge. Anyone else see this difference? So she demands Desmond’s return and BOOM! nearly blows up Camp Cupcake and leaves. Apparently at this point UL declares war.

UL rounds up his troops and asks Sawyer to take a sailboat (Des’s old one) and Kate to meet up at another point. Sawyer, realizing his suckiness I can only assume, let’s the Hot Doc in on his Widmore plan and advises the Doc to bring the cool kids (sorry Claire, not you) to meet at a different check point.

UL takes this opportunity to tell Sayid to kill Desmond which – HELLO- the 40 ft. drop head first down a well didn’t kill him? But Sayid is stopped by Desmond who is BLOODY BRILLIANT and asks him what he plans to tell Nadia about what he had to do to get her back. Brotha, you’re amazeballs.

Sawyer and Kate make it to the boat where Sawyer reveals that the rest (including the “Pilot who looks like he stepped off the set of a Burt Reynolds movie.”) of our Losties will meet them up the shore a little ways, but no Claire. Her wig is too much of a liability.

As the Camp Cupcake crowd makes their way through the jungle, Jack tries his best to pump Claire’s stomach of the Kool Aid she’s bring drinking to no avail. She mutters some stuff about UL not abandoning her. Whatever. UL tries to talk to Sun who is without her English still. While UL is searching for Sayid, Jack snatches the opportunity to take off with the cool kids to meet up with Sawyer. Unfortunately, that wig has radar and Claire follows.

Claire confronts the group and, for a fleeting moment, I was hoping she was going to pop a cap in Kate. But Kate convinces her to join them (stupid, stupid, stupid), and they’re off.

While on the boat Jack, the true leader, has a change of heart and refuses to leave the island or listen to Sawyer. So he bails. Dear Jack-I freakin’ love you. Dear Kate-Jack doesn’t like you anymore. Dear Sawyer- Sit down!

Jack makes it back to the island where UL and the others are already waiting. Widmore’s camp starts bombing the area and, due to his aversion to save the children, UL protects Jack. We know why-he needs him to get off the island and we need him to look hot and beat the crap out of UL in the finale. It’s going to happen people. Deal.

Sawyer, etc. make it to Widmore’s camp where we finally get the reunion of Sun and Jin. Though tired and actually kind of sick of them, I teared up. It was no Des and Penny, but I bought it. It was, however, short lived, as Widmore’s people decided the deal was off and captured them all. Now you wish you’d stuck with Jack, don’t cha?

Off the island, things came together. I don’t want to run through it all chronologically as I am dead on my feet today. So how about a quick summary?

1. Sun and Locke arrive at the hospital at the same time (hem hit by Desmond, she, shot in the belly). She recognizes him.
2. Sun and baby are fine. Happy ending.
3. Desmond stalks Claire to an adoption agency and persuades her to see his lawyer, Ilana (weird, no?) who just so happens to also be the lawyer handling Christian Shepherd’s estate.
4. Which means Jack is there with David to read his dad’s will. He meets Claire, his sister, but is called by the hospital where…
5. Jack operates on Locke and will, inevitably, “fix” him so he can walk again, while his kid child for what I can only imagine will be about 12 hours during the operation.
6. At the precinct, Sawyer has arrested Kate where she calls him out for not wanting anyone to know he’d been to Australia.
7. He’s interrupted by Miles who’s reporting on the deaths of Keamy and his crew and shows him a pic of “the bad guy” who did it-Sayid.
8. Sayid returns to Nadia’s to pack and leave when Miles comes to the door.
9. Trying to sneak out through the back, Sawyer catches him with an awesome garden hose clothes line and arrests him.

That’s it kids. Sorry this is late and likely completely incoherent…I really haven’t slept.

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Completely ‘Lost’ Recap and Spoilers: ‘Everybody Loves Hugo’

April 14, 2010 By 8 Comments

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Hello ‘Lost’ fans! Another week of ‘Lost’ means we are another week closer to the end of our beloved series. And I am, once again torn. Many of you thought that I didn’t enjoy last week’s Desmond-centric episode, but I did. I was merely upset at the amount of confusion that the episode brought. But I guess I received my comeuppance this week with ‘Everybody Loves Hugo, ’ no?

Please do not get me wrong. I love Hurley. Really I do. He’s loveable, he’s fat, he has a love of chicken only matched by friend Shaun’s willingness to eat that godforsaken chicken mess released yesterday at KFC. But, does everybody really love Hugo?

A man does not automatically become a public figure because he happens to build an empire out of chicken fat. –James Pickney Miller

‘Everybody Loves Hugo’ began with Hurley receiving a Tyrannosaurus Rex award from none other than Pierre Chang for all the work he did with Mr. Cluck’s House for Children (nice!). Apparently, Sideways World Hugo is a real humanitarian. However, all his accomplishments do not make Mama Reyes happy. She has grandbaby syndrome. Many menopausal women suffer from this disease. She wants Hugo to find a lady friend-like NOW! And to help with this, she has set him up on a blind date with someone’s niece’s dog’s uncle’s cat’s grandmother twice removed-Rosalita.

It didn’t take a Pierre Chang to realize that Hugo would be stood up as he ate chips and salsa at Spanish Johnny’s (ps what a terrible name for a fake restaurant). But never fear, in Sideways World Libby is alive, still nuts, and loves a poor man’s Chi Chi’s. She’s there, takes his hands, and starts telling him all about how they already know one another and she hopes he remembers as well. She’s then whisked away by Santa Rosa’s finest and put back on her happy trails van to the funny farm.

Hurley tackles depression similar to the way I handle it: with fried chicken. Desmond happens to wander into the same Mr. Cluck’s and remembers Hurley from flight 815. You know Desmond is now on a mission. A mission to make everyone aware of their alternate reality. You with me?

He and Hurley have a lovely conversation about alternate universes and lost loves. Des gives Hurley some advice: “Just go with your gut, brotha.” Then he gets his chicken and leaves. Um, is it just me or do you think that there is no way in Hades that a smokin’ hot Scotsman like Des is fillin’ up on fried chicken?

So Hurley takes Des’s advice and heads off to the Santa Rosa home for Checker Eaters and, after a sizeable contribution to the home, is allowed to see Libby. He doesn’t remember, but she seems to have memories from another life the two of them shared…oh, and she also has issues with reality.

Hurley then asks her on a date thus proving only someone with reality issues would want to date a multi-millionaire who hands out checks for $100,000 like candy on Halloween.

Hurley then takes Libby and her massive boobage (did you see that?) on a beach picnic where they kiss and he is flooded with the memories of their time together on the island. Hurley must really dig her, because he doesn’t care that she has lipstick all over her teeth. I did. But, I am a fickle bitch.

Des is watching from the confines of his awesome new and waterproof car. His work is done. Onto the next 815’er. And that lucky man is John Locke. Des has stationed himself outside of the school where Ben teaches and Locke is a sub, in a sexual predator kind of way. He’s approached by Ben, who apparently is all about protecting the kids and wants to know why Des is being creepy and watching the kids. He’s not watching the kids, silly. He’s waiting for the right time to run John Locke down with his car. WHAT?!? Seriously, in an episode that was good, yet predictable, did you see that one coming? I did not!

No worries. I have a feeling Locke will be rushed to the hospital where Dr. Jack will work his hot hands over that mess of a man and make it all better…while they both realize their alternate lives as well.

On the island, things started out a little grim. Hurley is paying his respects to dead Libby when Ilana interrupts. He tells her about Libby, she is courteous, but seems to care less. Then the whispers start and out pops dead Michael. Ugh. Sorry, but Michael is of no use to me sans Walt. Really. I LOVED Michael season one, hated him (in a good way) season two, then stopped caring about him altogether. This is no exception.

Michael rambles on about Hurley needing to stop the rest from blowing up the plane. Hurley doesn’t trust Michael, even dead Michael. But we all know he’s going to listen to him. Because Hurley isn’t really capable of making a decision without consulting the dead.

Then there’s Jack. He’s sweaty. He may have said something, I didn’t notice. Side note: As many of you know, some Oregon stripper claimed to have had an affair with Matthew Fox. He’s now (finally) denying it and claiming his wife is “…the sh*t.” If a man said that about me, I would be ticked. But if Matthew Fox said that about me, I would strip nude.

Ilana has ganked four sticks of Doc Artz killing dynamite and plans to head to the plane with the others. Then BLAM! It blows up and Ilana is dead!!! Awesome. This is the second HOLY SMOKE moment of the episode. I didn’t see it coming, but I will take it. She got on my nerves.

However, the best line of the show (that wasn’t comic relief) came from Ben who, after Ilana’s demise pointed out that the island was “done with her” and that he wonders what will happen to them once the island is done with them. No worries Ben. I think we’re going to find out.

Back at Camp Cupcake, a disgruntled Sawyer begins to question UnLocke as to why they aren’t going after Jin. UL (can we call him this, please?) reminds him that, since they came together, they have to leave together. Um, OK.

Sayid returns and takes UL on a hike to show him the sites: there’s a dormant volcano, a mango tree, a Scotsman tied to a bush. Yes, it’s Des. And he seems content. Des claims to not know why Widmore brought him to the island and, after telling UL he has nowhere to run, he is untied. He and UL go for a walk to a well that looks more like a high school play-prop than a well built thousands of years ago. And, after some conversation meaning nothing takes place, UL pushes Des down into it.

What was significant about their conversation is that, when asked why he wasn’t afraid, Des responded that being afraid gets you nothing. This, combined with his overall contentness, leads me to think that Des already knows what’s going to happen. I don’t think we saw everything that Des did. He knows, and therefore being pushed into a well makes no nevermind to him.

Back to Hurley and the Hot Doc…Richard convinces them to head to the Black Rock to get some more dynamite to blow up the plane. Here’s an idea: instead of looking for more dynamite, why not use your guns to shoot up the cockpit? Or kick out the windows? I am pretty sure I plane can’t fly if the window are broken.

Without warning, Hurley comes running from the old ship just as it blows up. He then lies and tells everyone that Jacob has instructed him to talk to UL. Richard, Ben, and Miles (or as I like to call them, the three guys who will die), don’t listen and head to the plane.

Jack, Sun, and Lippidus side with Hurley and take off for Camp Cupcake to talk to UL. Here’s my big prediction: Richard, Ben, and Miles will die in an effort to blow up the plane. Lippidus will live and will fly the candidates off the island…maybe. I haven’t a clue STILL.

Hurley confesses to Jack that he didn’t really see Jacob. Jack knows. Of course he does. He’s Jack. But Jack is resigned. Maybe he needs to stop fixing things and just let it all happen. Boo. I don’t like weary Jack. I like my Hot Doc hardcore. Remember when he beat the crap out of Ben? I LOVED that. I MISS that. Bring that back!!!!

They arrive at Camp Cupcake where Hurley acts as spokesperson and asks UL not to kill his friends. Hurley doesn’t know that UL needs them to get off the island. Everyone emerges from the jungle, Kate smiles (go screw yourself) and Jack and Locke exchange eye daggers…and he knows!! Yes!!! I totally believe that now Jack knows what he has to do. At that moment, when he saw UL it became clear…now rip your shirt off.

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