Angelina Jolie and Ethan Hawke AFFAIR

Another day another tell-all about Angelina Jolie. This time the claims include: sexy making with Ethan Hawke, Lenny Kravitz and Ralph Fiennes. (We already knew she tapped Voldemort – Click HERE for the Jolie Fiennes latex story).

Honestly I would be more shocked to read a tell-all that talked about how she eats Lean Pockets while watching ‘Chuck.’The mag also reportedly dug up old quotes from Jolie’s pre-baby purchasing days and stuffed it into a story about being a voodoo-witch doctor type.

“She keeps dried powders made from herbs and roots close to her body for protection and does “cutting and voodoo rituals.”

I highly doubt that as she would fear the transference of calories by proximity. There is also some nuttery about Angelina Jolie humping Ethan Hawke while he was married to Uma Thurman. Of course she did. We all know married/taken men are on Jolie’s list of fetishes along with pleather, children from worn torn countries and Nice ‘n Easy: Gray Solution.

There is one viable shred of believability to the story…Brad Pitt was recently freed from his goat pin to have a night out with the boys. The mag reported that it was Brad “at his happiest when out he’s buzzed and talkin’ up a storm.” That I believe because you know Maddox picks who gets to have the talking stick at dinner and since Shiloh will hold the phone to his ear while he files his nails she gets earns it.

Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston Back Together?!?

It just wouldn’t be Wednesday is we didn’t have yet another report that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are getting back together. Sigh. So boring. So 2005.

In Touch Weekly has scored the golden cover story this week. The mag is reporting that Pitt and Aniston met up on the night of April 23 at an “intimate location”. I never thought of the 405 rest stop as intimate, but to each her own.

To top this off, the magazine also has a photo showing that Aniston and Pitt were spotted wearing the same necklace. Oh, the scandal.

This also comes just a day after reports were made that Aniston’s BFF Courtney Cox-Arquette and her husband what’s his face, were spotted talking to Pitt. Perhaps she asked him where he got his necklace.

Via Perez Hilton:

“Instead of ignoring him, Courteney chatted away with Brad all night. The three were in great spirits and seemed really happy to see each other, reported the snitch.”

I am sorry kids, but I am pretty sure Saint Angelina has a tether strapped to Brad’s ankle at this point. Anytime he gets within a hundred feet of Aniston it sends an electric shock through his body. This must explain that annoyed look Pitt had on his face through most of the Oscars.

Let’s take an informal poll, shall we? Tomorrow Brangelina will emerge from hiding together with how many of their kids? Maddox, Pax, and Z are pretty much givens at this point. Shiloh, likely. But what about the twins? They’ll be all smiles pushing the kids on a swing at a park or at a museum somewhere. Bet.