Madonna NOT Dead

Here is your daily NOT Dead Report

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Madonna and LL Cool J are both alive and well. While the stream of celebrities meeting their end continues to trickle, the latest being Soupy Sales, Madge and LL are not a part of the fallen stars. As usual searches that lead you to “info on their deaths” just give you the gift of spyware and viruses.

In fact, Madonna is getting her do-gooding on and setting up her Raising Malawi Academy For Girls school. It’s kinda like the slutty version of Oprah’s school in South Africa where the children will learn about pleather thigh high boots and how to piss off Elton John and the Pope.

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Images Via: WENN

Guy Ritchie Calls Madonna Retarded

Apparently, following their break-up last year, Madonna stated that ex-husband, Guy Ritchie was “emotionally retarded.”

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Now, the Rock-n-Rolla director has struck back. In an interview with Esquire Magazine, Ritchie continues by hurling more insults at his baby mama.

Via The New York Post:

“Ritchie lobbed it right back at her. ‘I still love her. But she’s retarded, too,’ Ritchie told the magazine. Ritchie also conceded his ex ‘makes things happen’ and works hard at her career. The pair, married for eight years, got divorced in the UK last November.”

Remember, sitcks and stone may break your bones, but calling Madge retarded will only get the gays mad at you.

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Images Via: wenn.com

Madonna Says She’s Not Marrying Baby Jesus on Letterman – Video

So there was a brief rumor that Madonna was going to make an honest man out of Jesus. Then it was trumped Justin Timberlake cheating on Jessica Biel with Rihanna (click here to read about that) and Robert Pattinson Replacing Johnny Depp in Next ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ film (click here to read about that).

Madonna put rumors of another marriage in the works to rest on David Letterman. PopEater reports on her 8th appearance on “The Late Show,” she stated she “rather get hit by a train” than remarry.

David then took her and had pizza due to the fact she has never had New York by the slice pizza. Mid way through the slice she put some sunglasses on when her eyes started to turn black after feeding on something other than macrobioticly fed virgin souls.

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Images Via: wenn.com

Rihanna Goes Topless for Italian Vogue -Photos

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Rihanna clearly has no worries about her body! Wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a couture coat, Princess RiRi has bared all for the September issue of the magazine “Italian Vogue,” likely to leave her fans speechless. Rihanna worked with famous photographer Steven Klein for the shoot, which shows the singer posing in various outfits. The pictures everyone is talking about include one picture her wearing just a thong and opened coat exposing her breasts, although her nipples are covered by patches. Gotta keep it clean for the kiddos!

On the cover, she appears in a Valentino dress carrying a bucket and tossing the water out. This is no doubt to be another sell out magazine for Italian Vogue to add to the list, having to reprint their All-Black Issue last year after it sold out on stands worldwide. Other photos of Rihanna appearing in the magazine show her wearing a Madonna-like conical bra in one photo, and kinky black latex-looking ensemble in another. Although most of the photographs are taken as black and white, there is one color photo which features Rihanna wearing a turquoise dress and boots.

Rihanna sure knows how to show ex-boyfriend Chris Brown what he’s missing out on. But we get it girl. You’re edgy. Got it.

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Images Via: RihannaDaily.com

Madonna Celebration Photos and Video

Madonna is releasing her video for “Celebration” today on iTunes. I am sure all the Madge fans are squeeing with glee. You can download this shiz for free today and tomorrow so jump on it if old ladies gyrating in thigh high boots and making out with Jesus is your thing.

I was under the impression that she would be busting out some new dance moves, but it appears as though she stole the moves of a stripper named Delicious Deluxe at Boom Boom’s Lusty Lounge.

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Images Via: Daily Mail

Kate Hudson Wanting Alex Rodriguez Spawn

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Woah! Doesn’t she know the easiest way to scare off a guy is by moving too fast? Supposedly, Kate Hudson is already hoping on board the “I want to have Alex Rodriguez‘s baby” train, even though the two have only been dating for a few months. So just what has her baby clock all of a sudden kicked into high gear? Well, Hudson recent birthday is what’s making her ready to add to her family. She already has Ryder, 5, with ex-husband Chris Robinson and a friend says she wants him to have a sibling.

Per In Touch:

“She just turned 30 and she’s ready to have her second child. She wants Ryder to have a sibling, so she brought up the idea to Alex and told him that they would make a beautiful baby together, and that she would assume all financial responsibility.”

Why Kate, that is quite the odd pillow talk you have there! And given his contract, money should be the least of his concern! The source also goes on to say that the New York Yankees player, who already has two daughters with ex-wife Cynthia, is just not ready for more kids right now. But this hasn’t stopped ARod and Kate from becoming quite the pair lately. Kate has even introduced Alex to mother Goldie Hawn, and Goldie’s partner Kurt Russell, who tagged along with her to Yankee Stadium a few days ago to watch the big rivalry between the Yankees and the Boston Red Sox.

Keep your head in the game, ARod! No one will come and watch you play if you turn into the love struck puppy dog and start sucking at baseball! And Kate, slow down! Take a breather! Your dating resume is beginning to look longer than
Madonnas!

Image Via: wenn.com

Madonna Dirty Talk Tapes for Sale

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Yesterday, photos of the scary withered arms of Madonna surfaced on the net and it made me run out and by arm flab a cheeseburger. Today, sexy phone messages that are nearly 2 years old are being put up for sale.

I kinda assumed that Madge did some moonlight work as a phone sex operator after she did Evita. That shiz was terrible. Alas, these are not recordings of the singer’s assumed side job. At least 17 minutes of of phone messages containing Madonna talking dirty to her then boyfriend are up for grabs. The bargain basement price of Madge asking then boyfriend Jim Albright to spank her starts at $40,000.

That’s not all that can be yours. Madonna was edgy and also did some sex faxing. She sent naughty faxes to the former body guard that are also for sale via Gotta Have It.

Via Daily News:

“Also part of the massive treasure-trove is a 15-minute “very personal and intimate video” that Madonna gave Albright, and 21 faxes they exchanged between 1992 and 1994.

Despite a photographer’s “pathetic camera work” at a shoot, “my booty looked good and you should see how good it looks in person,” Madge bragged in a November 1993 fax to her then-beau. Toward the end of her note, she invited her boy toy to visit her.

“It would be sooooo nice,” she wrote, before encouraging Albright to “send me a fax. I’ll be in my bed waiting for you.”

Only Madge would be turned on by the sound of an ancient fax machine printing.

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Image Via: NY Daily, Getty

Madonna’s Stage Collapses, Killing One and Injuring Six

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A stage being constructed in France for an upcoming concert by Madonna has collapsed, killing a 53 year old man and injuring at least six others. Reports indicate that a crane collapsed while installing Madonna’s stage for her concert, falling apart on top of several of the workers. The injured were taken to local hospitals, while two of the workers are said to be in critical condition.

Per People:

“I am devastated to have just received this tragic news,” the singer said in a statement Thursday through her spokesperson Liz Rosenberg. “My prayers go out to those who were injured and their families along with my deepest sympathy to all those affected by this heartbreaking news.”

Police and fire officials have closed the stadium while trying to rescue anyone who still trapped. The cause of the accident has not yet been determined. The 50-year-old Queen of Pop was supposed to perform on Sunday at the Stade Velodrome stadium in Marseille, but the concert has since been cancelled. This was one of the stops on the European leg of Madonna’s “Sticky and Sweet” tour.

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Images Via: Bauer Griffin, Wenn

Madonna Wins Mercys’ Adoption Appeal

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Watch out Angelina, looks like Madonna is catching up to you! In a desperate bid to add another baby to her collection, Madonnas adoption appeal for Mercy James has been approved. Overturning a lower court decisions, her Madgesty is now allowed to adopt a second child from Malawi.

Per People:

“I am extremely grateful for the Supreme Court’s ruling on my application to adopt Mercy James. I am ecstatic … My family and I look forward to sharing our lives with her,” Madonna said in a statement through her spokesperson Friday.

Chief Justice Lovemore Munlo ruled that her initial denial by the lower court was based on an old law. Although she hasn’t lived in the country for the required 18 months, the court said it should have taken into consideration her philanthropic efforts in the community. Madonna founded the charity “Raising Malawi” which helps to feed, educate and provide medical care for some of Malawi’s more than 1 million orphans. While preparations to bring 3 year old Mercy to America are now underway, it will take anywhere from 3-5 days to go through the necessary paperwork and to schedule the private jet with either Madonna’s lawyer or the director of her Malawi charity making sure she gets on the plane and arrives to the US okay… Wait, so let me understand this – she made such a big fuss over this adoption ordeal but now can’t find the time in her busy schedule of bumping uglies with Jesus to go and pick up the child herself?

Madonna’s lawyer said she was “ecstatic” when she heard the news that the adoption was finalized. Until she leaves, it is believed that Mercy may be moved to the Kumbali lodge where Madonna stays when she is Malawi. Mercy will join Madonnas other children children Lourdes, Rocco, and David, in New York where it is expected that she will attend nursery school with David. Madonna got her way, as she almost always does. While I find it wonderful that Mercy will now be able to have a decent life, laws are laws and she should have had to follow the requirements just like any other human being would have. I guess this goes to show that money does talk. I hope the Malawi government is proud that they basically sold a child. Am I the only one who sees the wrong in this situation?

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Images Via: Reuters, Wenn

Goldie Hawn Begs Kate Hudson to Dump A-Rod

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They always say mother knows best! Actress Goldie Hawn is strongly urging her daughter Kate Hudson to dump boy-toy Alex Rodriguez before she ends up heartbroken. Introduced to A-Rod last November by gal-pal Gwyneth Paltrow while he was dating Madonna, Kate apparently fell hard for the New York Yankees star there and then although they only began dating last month. Both are said to be “somewhat serious” about the relationship – with Alex introducing the “Bride Wars” actress to his friends and Kate introducing him to her 5 year old son Ryder, with Kate and Ryder even accompanying Alex recently on a trip to Texas. But now mama Goldie is worried that the romance will go the same as her previous relationships since splitting from ex-husband Chris Robinson – with her daughter ending up having to mend her broken heart.

Per Daily Mail:

“Goldie feels it’s high time Kate settled down and left the dating scene behind for a while,” says a source. “Kate’s had a string of boyfriends since her divorce from Chris Robinson and it’s always the same pattern – she falls hard and fast, then gets bored or has her heart broken. Goldie hates the idea of seeing Kate getting hurt again.”

Over the past three years, Kate has dated Lance Armstrong and Dax Shepard and was even linked a few times to Justin Timberlake. Rodriguez was previously alleged to be dating Madonna following her divorce from director Guy Ritchie, while Hudson recently split from on-again/off-again lover Owen Wilson. Here’s an idea Kate — be a good mom, work on your career and stop worrying about guys all together for while. Live the single life!