Chris Isaak in Running to Replace Simon Cowell

A thousand names have been thrown around when it comes to who wants to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. Personally after Paula Abdul left, so did I. I can’t stomach wannabe crooners without Paula drunken mumbling to make it worthwhile.

The clock is ticking down as network execs want a replacement by September. The show is due to resume making fun of the talentless in January of 2011. A slew of hopefuls have been ushered in and out as the replacement Simon. Chris Isaak is the latest possible candidate.

“The network is determined to land a widely known music industry figure for the post, and THR has learned that singer Chris Isaak has met twice with the network. Isaak, in addition to penning hit songs like 1989′s “Wicked Game,” has appeared in a slew of TV series over the years, including “Eastwick,” “Cold Case,” “Smallville” and his own “Chris Isaak Show” for Showtime.”

It seems that his competition could be stiff as Harry Connick Jr.’s name has also been mentioned more than once.

Simon Cowell Leaves America Idol

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Simon Cowell is missing the vicodin piñata known as Paula Abdul and subsequently is quitting American Idol after this year.

“We reached an agreement formally at about half past 10 this morning. Where we have come to and agreed is that X Factor will launch in America in 2011, with me judging the show and exec producing the show. Because of that this will be my last season on ‘American Idol,’ this year. I felt like doing something different. I want to leave Idol this year bigger and better than it’s been before.”

Rumor has it…he will be employing Paula on the American version of X-Factor.

“I adore Paula. Whatever happens with her, I will be working with her in some capacity because I miss her.”

I know Simon. I too miss her incoherent ramblings and drunken ho stroll that makes my mid-week worth living. Since Cowell is the only reason people didn’t shank the show after Kara DioEGOSAUROUS…the question of the show’s survival without the Brit is coming into play. Ellen DeGeneres is replacing Paula this year and the idea is to ease Simon out and Ellen in.

I am sure Ryan Seacrest is going to miss Simon’s furry chest poking out of his v-neck t-shirts.

Paula Abdul Demands $20 Million to Return to Idol

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And a lifetime supply of Apricot-cha Gotcha lip gloss and for vicodin to made into a liquid form merely for convenience.

My favorite “American Idol” boozehound, Paula Abdul, is refusing to slur her words and make nonsensical comments on national television without being paid ridiculous amounts of cash to do so. I hereby volunteer to replace said boozehound. I will even work for snack packs and tequila.

Radar Online has learned exclusively that Paula is asking for a $20 million deal to come back to the hit Fox show – a demand that has been turned down so far.

Her manager David Sonenberg is playing tough, and probably made a few network execs squirm this weekend when he told the Los Angeles Times, “Very sadly, it does not appear she’s going to be back on Idol.”

Simon Cowell recently resigned with the promise of tufts from his furry moobies to stick out of the tops of his shirts. I am pretty sure Randy also resigned in exchange for gift certificates to K-Mart.

I say give her whatever she wants. Bitch wants a lifetime supply of highlighting caps from Sally’s Beauty supply and a money pit she can swim around in while high on some pill she found in the bottom of her purse…hand it over. This may translate to an American Idol boycott if this horrid injustice isn‘t corrected.

Image Via: Wenn

Paula Abdul and Kara DioGuardi: American Idol Catfight!

American Idol isn’t quite what it used to be. Paula Abdul still loves everyone, Randy Jackson is fat again, and Simon Cowell’s eye rolls and nipple rubs are so Bo Bice’s season it bores me. The producers must have felt the same this season and thought that throwing Kara DioGuardi into the mix would fix everything. The only result they received from my house is one less viewer.

However, according to OK! Magazine, Kara’s welcome is nearly worn out and none other than “You look beautiful tonight” Paula is letting her know it. Cat-fight on! Bring out the claws and I may start watching again.

Via OK! Magazine:

“The plan to add a fourth person backfired. Now the producers are left with a tough decision: Do they go back to the original three-judge format, or leave Kara there?”

This comes on the cusp of rumors that Simon Cowell may also be “out” for season nine-a season which Fox still has yet to confirm will even happen. All four of the current judges are in contract negotiations.

I have to admit, though I rag Paula at times, I seriously only watched American Idol to see what drunken rants she would make or whose song would make her weep. Kara does nothing for me. It seems her main purpose is to argue with Simon which no one wants to listen to. Perhaps she should boost some of Paula’s Quaaludes or drink some Jesus Juice with Michael Jackson to help gain fanage.

American Idol Catfight?!

I was saying it was only going to be a matter of time that Paula Abdul would stop being supportive of Kara DioGuardi. Ok, maybe not aloud to anyone, but I thought it! Thank you New York Post for this little nugget! Of course, it isn’t personal, according to Abdul, it’s like all business!

“Kara and I have known each other for years and we get along great, but we tried four judges before and it doesn’t work. It takes up so much time for each of us to give our opinion that it slows down the pace of the show.”

I know that during the episodes when celebrity judges were on I was all “Hurry UP!”. I would like to thank Paula for bringing this issue to light. I was afraid it might carry on past this season. And what is Idol going to do this season when those celebrity judges come back and there are five of them? How badly will the flow be disrupted then?

And I think DioGuardi was the bigger person in her response to what Abdul said:

“Paula has a right to her opinions, but I was disappointed by her comments, and hurt that she did not address them to me in person.”

My hope is that Paula will fire back with something incoherent and hopefully drug-induced.

Images Via: American Idol

Paula Abdul Empress Botox of the 2009 Grammy Awards

Good God I bet this ho can’t wink or sneeze! Paula Abdul over dosed on some facial botulism and trucked her drunken carcass to the Grammy 2009 Awards. It looks like she stopped at Candy Spelling’s gift wrap room to get her outfit first.

More Grammy Award 2009 coverage is coming!

American Idol Season 8, Bikini Editon – Video

Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell… and Kara? Thats right! Season 8 kicked off last night with a new judge in tow, singer and songwriter Kara DioGuardi. The show premiered last night with the audition rounds in Phoneix, AZ which is quite possibly the best part of the show Producers have promised to shake things up this year – They’ve added new judge Kara to bring up the panel to four, they’ve upped the number of semi-finalists to 36 from 24, given the snippy judge Simon Cowell the deciding vote in any tie decision, and even re-introduced the wild card round.

As far as singers go, there seemed to be a lot more bad than there were good, but there were a few stand outs. Scott Macintyre, 23 years old, visually impaired vocalist and pianist from Scottsdale, AZ made quite the impression on the judges. He was the last audition of the season 8 opening show and won over each judge with his version of “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel. Scott earned his golden ticket to Hollywood and could very well be the emotional favorite if he can make it past Hollywood week.

New judge Kara was quiet during the first hour of the show, but her personality quickly shined through once Katrina Darrell, a Chino Hills California resident, came into audition in a tiny bikini. Singing Mariah Carey’s “Vision of Love”, she received rave reviews from Randy and Simon, but Kara’s reaction was less than enthusiastic.

Via NBC Philadelphia:

“Honestly, you don’t have the chops to sing that song sweetie,” Kara said of the girl vocals, herself beginning to sing the song to prove her point.

“Your demonstration wasn’t any better,” Katrina Darrell snapped back.

“That wasn’t the right thing to say.” The none too pleased Paula said, quickly stepping in to defend Kara.

While Randy and Simon, obviously blinded by her bikini clad body, both gave the girl their votes for Hollywood, Paula and Kara both said that she was terrible. After earning her ticket, she proceeded to hunt down Ryan Seacrest to give him what could only be described as one of the most awkward kisses on television before jumping into the pool. Also catching the judges eye was Deanna Brown, the blonde country girl who won her ticket with the song “Sittin’ On The Dock of The Bay.” Unfortunately for Randy Madden, he wasn’t so lucky. The cubical worker and self-proclaimed “Rocker in a Box” sang “Livin’ On a Prayer” in which Simon called wimpy. Also not making it through, a guy who calls himself Sexual Chocolate, apparently more interested in showing the judges his back tattoo with those words tattooed acrossed it than he was singing.

All in all, 27 contenders of the 10.000 people from the Phoenix area made it through the audition round to Hollywood. The audition rounds continue through January 29th with tonight for the first time stopping in Kansas City, hometown of last year’s winner David Cook, to see if maybe they can find their next star. Welcome back, American Idol.

Written by Holly Stafford

Paula Abdul – Fashion Disaster

What in the name of all that is good in the world is this supposed to be? It looks like the 4th of July farted all over Paul Abdul.

Maybe she is going for Tranny Confederate Soldier with a penchant for mojitos.

No Paula. No. Bad Paula.

Image Via: WENN

Celebrity Stalkers

There are already over 23 known celebrity stalkers. Some of them are just crazy fans others are literally psycho crazy and sadly, have devastating and even fatal outcomes.

Most recently Jennifer Garner feared for her safety. She was granted restraining orders for her stalker who is a mental patient who boasts her involvement in satanic rituals.

The “American Idol” fan who took her obsession too far left her dead outside Paula Abdul’s home. Paula Goodspeed killed herself thanks to an overdose of drugs in her car outside Abdul’s home. She made hundreds of drawings of the “Idol” judge.

Sandra Bullock was the victim of another overzealous fan. Marcia Valentine managed to get onto Bullocks property on 5 different occasions. Valentine would leave palm fronds adorned with “weird signs” and “pieces of animal fur.” Sandra finally testified in court and her stalker was placed on probation.

John Cusack’s stalker has finally been arrested after violating her restraining order. Emily Leatherman was caught continually stalking Cusack after her cab driver reported her to police for failing to pay her cab fare.

Tyra Banks has an love sick fan that is beyond stalking. Brady Green was arrested after continued harassment including nonstop phone calls, letters, flower and visits. Green tried to make his way onto Tyra’s show with a bag full of memorabilia. He was arrested and release in late March of 2008.

What do Steven Speilberg and Jennifer Love Hewitt have in common? Stalker. A delusional stalker. Diana Napolis went ham sandwich crazy and accused Speilberg and Hewitt of “monitoring her life.” Napolis claimed they were part of a group that watches her 24/7. She was deemed incompetent after psychological evaluations.

The List of Celebrity Stalkers Continues After the Fold

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