Ok….I know that you have Tiger Woods’ whoreyness coming at you from every angle and Tony the Tiger has even changed his name to Tony the Big Stripy Cat. So here is a brief rundown of what is going down on Tiger: The Slut Parade Project.
*TIGER QUITS GOLF* – Tiger is considering quitting golf at the request of his wifey, Elin Nordegren. She gave him an ultimatum stating: “It’s golf, or me.” DUMB. What ho in her right mind would tell her man to quit making millions of dollars and go work at Big Lots? Send a babysitter with his hongray manhood. I am thinking a 250 pound drag queen nick-named Weave Snatcher.
*TIGER EMPLOYED HOOKERS* – Maybe he has a ‘Pretty Woman’ fetish and hoped that Julia Roberts would be there. Just to recap the level of slut going on…he has supposedly nailed a couple of cocktail waitresses, two hookers, 2 Z-list porn stars, a Las Vegas marketing manager, a manager at Perkins (not joking), a wannabe model, a reality moron and another mystery cougar who hired Gloria Allred. It’s like the 12 Days of Valtrex.
*BUH-BYE AD DEALS* – So far Gatorade and Tag Heuer have dropped Woods from their advertising campaigns. The non-carbonated sports drink and Swiss watch label have stopped all adverts featuring the disgraced golfer in effort to distance themselves from his sluttery.
*$60,000 THREESOMES* – While he was purchasing prostitutes like discounted portable dvd players on Black Friday, he also paid for group sex. A Hollywood Madam screamed to NY Daily about his purchases. His favorite was a trick named Loredana Jolie. He paid $15K for a night out with her. Then he would habitually shell out $30,000-$40,000 for threesomes while requesting “college-cutie, girl next door” types.
*SANTA CLAUSE TO HOOKERS* The madam continued by stating he was well endowed and would constantly buy his hired escorts presents.
Suddenly I feel like I need to shower with Tilex for the Lord of Hooker Ring has made me feel icky.
Image Via: Dlisted