While the majority of people were busy enjoying the douchery of Kanye and the tightness of Russell Brand’s lady pants, the rest of the world had better things to do. Some watched the season finale of ‘True Blood’, some watched football, and some went to bed early.

Although I am way too old to enjoy any part of MTV, I watched. Why? Robert Pattinson my friends….the boy makes it quiver.

A few lucky people had the job of a daytime (you know they are holding out on becomming celeb bloggers) by filling seats at last night’s festivities. And naturally, some of them have already taken to the internet to let us know what was really going down.

Via Oh No They Didn’t:

“*When Lady Gaga came in she was holding hands/being propped up by someone as she walked. She didn’t talk to any of the fans. She was extremely diva like, but in a good way. Instead of being pissed of or offended it was more like people were viewing as an art piece or a rare animal in zoo.

*The house band, I really wish I could remember their damn name, said and-I-quote “Is Tila Tequila here? Heh, tell her to go HOME!”

*Madonna’s “heartfelt” speech was all read off a teleprompter. Obviously.

*When Pete Wentz came in the Hall one of a male seat filler asked where Ashlee was he said Melrose wouldn’t let her take time off.

This adds to my theory that Gaga is really a wax figure on loan from Madame Trousseau’s.

“Kanye was taken aside after the Taylor Swift incident by his handler/manager and then MTV exes joined the conversation. Though I cannot say for sure, I would not be surprised if his apology was not heartfelt at all (cough) but in fact mandated from above. The TV feed does not do justice to how much the audience was booing every time Kanye’s name was said.”

If Kanye’s management wrote that crap he posted on his website, it might be time to purchase his team Hooked on Phonics.

“Megan Fox is TINY like not just skinny tiny, but shoulder-to-shoulder tiny.”

One needs to be small to fit in the trailer park.

“Ashley Greene kept pestering security to add someone’s number into her phone. They kept on refusing her, much to her chagrin.”

I really hope it wasn’t Kanye’s.

And finally…

“I have not seen the entire TV broadcast but Faye Dunaway was there (wtf?!)”

What? She is a classy and hip broad who probably is after Russell Brand. Just a guess.

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Images Via: wenn.com